Pieces
by Raining Moon Song
Summary: A girl who wishes to discard the pieces of her broken heart, and a man who is still searching to reclaim his. Can they piece each other back together?
1. Illusion

_This isn't going to change anything._

That's what I was telling myself, staring down at the man in the hospital bed. He was alive. The doctors said he was fine, and lucky I had found him.

"_You're a hero, missy, and don't you forget it. He could have frozen to death."_

It wasn't like I had gone out of my way. At all. Well, I hadn't wanted to be outside, but mom said it might make me feel better if I got in a walk…

One would think saving someone's life would make one feel some kind of smug satisfaction. And honestly, maybe I _did _feel a little of that, but I was more…relieved than I was happy. And it made my gut clench up when I thought of what would have happened if I hadn't found him. It was cold outside. I hadn't found him actually, Gabby had. Gabby is my dog. My Spug. She's a spitz-pug mix…and I know it doesn't sound cute, but the spitz cancels out the unattractiveness of the normal pug nose, and she really is a cutie. She's fluffy. And when she barks, it's "ah-woo-woo-woo," but kind of nasally.

I shook my head and sat down in the chair by his bed.

"_Mom? It's Tory. Yeah. Yeah I'm okay. But can you come down to the place where Beth and I come down to the water in summer? Through the lacrosse field? Yeah. Yeah, I just need you to get Gabby. No, she's not hurt…I-I found a cosplayer or something, he's alive and breathing but he's out. Hurry. The ambulance is on the way…I already called. I just need you to take Gabby home. Or I can just bring her home myself but I wanted to go with him. I'm okay, really. I'm not freaking out, mom! Really. I-I'm numb, I th-think. No, not dumb, numb! I'm sorry, I kn-know my teeth are chattering right now. I can hear the sirens, mama, hurry. I need to call for help, so bye. Love you. I'll call you later."_

The guy was heavy. And I'm not saying _fat _heavy; I'm saying this guy is packed with muscle. Believe me, I had been clinging to him to try to warm him up. And he's not bad-looking at all. I hadn't seen his eyes. But he had tanned skin, maybe it was fake. He'd gone all-out for what he was dressing up for. His hair was shiny silver and not stiff-looking at all, despite the way he had it spiked. He took really good care of it. It was fairly obvious who he was dressed as. But I didn't know; I was pretty sure there were no 'cons at that time of year. Why get all dressed up? And why was he outside? Why did he pass out?

"Who _are _you?" I whispered. I thought his lips twitched for a moment and I stood up, leaning closer, my good hand on the side of the bed, bracing my straightened, while my injured left hand rested. I sat down again after a moment. I was getting ahead of myself, wasn't I? Of course he wasn't up already; it had hardly been two hours.

"_Hi mama. Yeah, it's me…um, I dunno. The doctors shooed me out for a bit. They said they needed to change him and stuff. Can't stay in the outfit he was in, it was soaked…mom, don't say those things…please. I had to. I wouldn't be human if I left him there. No. Of course not…but don't praise me for being human. He…mom, you're gonna make me cry. Really, I'm okay, I promise…well if nobody finds out, it won't be big enough…no, mom, people aren't going to want to interview me. But anyways, I wanna stay here for a while because I want to keep track of him. I love you…I know. Love you, mama. Bye. ...I know, I know! Mom, please don't worry right now. I'll keep you updated and call you when I need to be picked up."_

Two hours of my life had floated away in the cold winter wind, because I couldn't bring myself to leave this John Doe. Not yet. Leah might ask. But I'd explain… "LOL sorry I'm late…I found an unconscious dude in the snow." Or something like that when I got on the computer. Poor Leah. My friend from Texas…I'd never met her, but she and I have been pals since…eh, start of ninth grade. We're close.

I reached out to the bed before I knew what I was doing, towards the man's hair, and I stroked my fingers across it, smoothing a spike down before it stubbornly rose back up. Licking my dry lips I slid my fingers into his hair, combing through it like it was air. No gel. There was _no gel _in his hair. I repeated the movement, seeming to have immediately grown fixated on his impossibly gravity-defying hair. I was running my fingers over and through it, like I was petting it. The motion, I knew, was soothing, but it was working backwards.

After a very short while I stopped playing with his hair, and sat down. It was a violation of personal space, and personally I would freak out if I woke up to that. Didn't want to scar him for life.

I had enough problems as things stood. The last thing I needed was…was this man. I'd been scared. I felt like I was gonna throw up or have a heart attack, or maybe both. Then I saw his chest rise and fall, and I calmed down enough to make the 911 call. I had to go to therapy for severe depression, and being suicidal (no, that's NOT why my hand and wrist were wrapped up), and so I'd probably dump "I found a guy unconscious while I was walking my dog" on them. I hated it; I didn't feel like it was helping at all. It just stressed me out more.

"…What were you thinking…?" I just hated it. Was this person an idiot? The doctor said they found no injury that could have resulted in his passing out. Hate, hate, hate. "Why…"

Why was I scared whenever I saw even the slightest movement of his chest as it rose and fell with each breath? When I looked at his closed eyes, why was I scared? Was I afraid that he would wake up? Or afraid…

Of something else?

A couple knocks on the door, and somebody came in. I looked over. It was the doctor who I had met originally; the one calling me a hero. He was nice.

"Um…kicking me out?" I asked with as casual a smile as I could.

"You know you don't have to stay here every second, right?" he asked, "You should go home. You've had quite the day. Tory, isn't it?"

"Yes…yes, and yes. But I'm…here because I…" I looked at the white wall.

"You want to?"

"No…I just don't feel like doing anything else." I sighed shakily, my vision blurring with tears. I didn't know _what _I wanted. I just…oh, I wanted to go home and curl up and disappear. But…did this man need me? No, he was in the hospital's hands.

"…You're tired. You'll wear yourself out, you know."

"Bah," I sighed, lowering my gaze. He snorted, and I half-glared at him. "What?"

"You're as curious as the rest of us." The doctor had figured it out before I had.

"…I think I can agree with that." I nodded. "He's dressed as a game character. Cosplay. No anime conventions around, so…I want to know why. And what happened…" It…just didn't make sense. I usually put mysteries like this together quickly.

"You'll get your answers soon enough, I'm sure," the doctor said. "If he doesn't wake up soon, we may have to hook him up, though…What game is he from?"

"Uh, Kingdom Hearts. Two."

"Only played the first one, it was pretty cruddy."

"Second game's better," I said, a smirk slipping into my expression. "Worth a shot. But play Chain of Memories first, it's between the two games."

"I might look into it," he said thoughtfully, looking over the man. "Hey, I just came in to talk to you, it's a busy day. But, if he wakes up, can you get a nurse?"

"Yeah." I nodded. He left.

And it was quiet, and so I went back to staring. Everything seemed almost _real._ I'd given up hope for such things to come true…

_Damn good cosplay._

If nothing else, it was…funny. This never happened. Best cosplayer _ever, _and he showed up…unconscious…at my special thinking spot. Other people went there, but it was usually empty.

_You came into my life, and I'm going to see you through this._

I had to solve the mystery of this man; I needed to make sure he would be okay because I found him. But this was his fault. What kind of idiot—okay, so maybe he'd come a long way and passed out. But…from where? Why? A sharp pain in the knuckles of my left hand reminded me that clenching my fists was a bad idea. I loosened my fingers, and stared down at my hands. Stressing myself out before I understood the situation was bad. Right? Right. It was. I stretched my fingers out, thinking of nothing in words, but fascinated with the stretching of skin over bone and tendons.

A short intake of air, and then a long, sighing breath made me look up. His eyes weren't open, and for a moment my heart sank.

And then…

They opened, and every part of me tensed, and I even felt the hairs on the back of my neck standing up.

"…Where am I?" he asked, his voice very clear, very low, very booming. I bit my lip and shuddered, unable to look away as he turned his golden gaze to me.

_Contacts…but if they've been in this long, wouldn't it hurt?_

"…The hospital," I said, trying to calm down. My heart was racing. "I found you. You were unconscious in the snow…can I ask your name?"

"…Xemnas."

I laughed a little, shaking my head. A sense of humor, even in this situation. "No, really."

"I have told no lie," the man said, sitting up. I felt…frozen to the chair. "…Who are you?"

"My name is Tory. T-O-R-_Y, _okay?" A trembling smile came to my lips. I'd resisted the "got it memorized" crack only because I had to stay calm; this man was serious. But that wasn't right.

"And you…saved me?" he didn't sneer or look grateful; he seemed merely…curious. I nodded. "…My thanks be to you. Tory."

I stared at him, my throat dry. This guy…was delusional. He was playing his part. Was this a game? "You're welcome…I-I was just…I called the ambulance when I found you. They said…nothing's wrong with you." But only physically. Mentally, this guy needed an evaluation. Soon. He was scaring _me._ And that's not easy. Leah and I deal with things that should have been scary compared to_ this_ on a regular basis.

"Then I will be set free soon."

"Yep…um…I'll get a nurse, okay? So you just sit tight, and I'll be back too, but then I have to go."

Then there was a visible change on his face. He looked…mildly distressed. "Alright," he said, not protesting. He looked down to his hands, bared when the doctors had stripped him of his entire…outfit.

"…I'll come back to visit every day until you come out. Is that okay?" He looked back to me, and nodded.

"That would be fine." His eyes managed to catch mine, and I couldn't look away.

I licked my lips and nodded. "…Kay…be right back."

_I_

"_I promise I'll come back."_

I was afraid to leave him alone. I had explained the situation to the nurse and she had gotten the doctor that had been monitoring the man, and explained it to _him, _too, before going back with him. He said nothing to John Doe (_I suppose I should be referring to him as Xemnas_) about the "delusions," but he introduced himself. Dr. Erins. Lyle Erins. I said my goodbyes and left, after making a vow to Xemnas.

_I promise. I promise._

Why did I promise? Why make a vow? Why be involved? Why care?

Care. I did. I cared for him. I didn't know why.

"_Oi. Yeah, it's me…again. Um, can you pick me up? Yeah, that's where. Right out in front. Yeah…thanks. I'll see you soon. Love you, mama. Bye."_

_I_

"Oh, _jeeeez, _I'm so tired…" I sighed when I got in the door. "Therapy" was emotionally and physically exhausting. It sucked, and I hated it, and saw no point in it.

"Glad to be home after your day, honey?" Mom asked, and I nodded, walking over to the couch and sitting down. "You did a wonderful thing."

"…Tired," I replied softly, looking down. "Not…cheerful." I got up, and went upstairs.

Maybe I would work on Fantasy is Reality or something. Or draw. Drawing seemed nice. But I wasn't going to do anything KH-related…to be honest, I was a little freaked out, but still stunned and numb. Again, something I could maybe dump on my psychiatrist before heading back to the hospital. I wanted mom to meet him.

_Or maybe I should talk to Beth. _No…it probably wouldn't go well. She might gripe about me not going to see my grandpa, but going to see some delusional cosplayer…

"_You need to establish a daily thing, I think. Constants, you know? Like your mom and your sister; they're always there. Try to find and focus on more constants."_

Wake up, get ready, drink some coffee probably, go to therapy, get out at three, go see…Xemnas…then go home and walk the dog. The rest of my day was my free time. I hated schedules…but if that was what it would take to get me out of damned therapy; by God I would do it.

Doors that lock both ways. Can't go anywhere but bathrooms without supervision. You have to ask permission to get up from the lunch table to take your tray up.

Those little things destroy any semblance of normalcy in the otherwise school-like environment. It was almost laughable. Such minor things…

They were almost enough to give me nightmares.

_I_

"So, how was your day?" Mom asked as I climbed into the van and slammed the door.

"Ugh," I replied, leaning back in my seat.

"I'm sorry, honey, at least this is only temporary."

I nodded, but sighed. "But what after? I can't go back to school, I'll relapse."

"I know," she said, "Don't worry about school. We'll do something."

School, on top of my chaotic daily life and worries, was too much. I planned to drop out once I turned sixteen, which would be that summer. But that was still months away. It was only winter; it was only December. I didn't want to live to see my sixteenth birthday…life was too much. I hated it with a passion, and frequently said so. Life, for me, was one stress after another, and the only thing that had kept me going for a while was that my sister and mother would be sad. But I couldn't live to keep _them _happy when I was so run-down and exhausted from it. I'd fought with Beth not too long before; she said I wasn't a quitter and was mad that I was dropping out once I got a chance. She expected too much of me. School would kill me, if I went back. It was drop out of school and live now…or go back and die inside, then kill myself. Minimal options, I know. That's why I say my life was hell.

"Well…let's head on over and see your friend. What did you call him?"

"Xemnas. I've showed you pictures of the character before. He called himself that, but…it can't be real, right? He's delusional."

"Anything's possible, Tory."

Mom was a bit more than skeptical at times, but she believed in things most adults didn't. Ghosts, demons, angels, elves, Santa, et cetera. She was cool. She was older than most moms. I had a thirty-seven year old brother, if that gives you an idea.

But really. The real Xemnas wouldn't wait in a hospital. He's leave because he can; he has those powers to use corridors of darkness…

And apparently make cow-cloaks.

I snorted.

"What?"

"Nothing, mom."

_I_

"Hi," I said once we entered the room. Xemnas (that sounds so weird) was laying in the bed like a normal patient, but he wasn't sick or anything…he appeared to just be relaxing. When he looked over, he smiled, and nodded.

"Tory. Is this…your mother?" I nodded…it was…weird, hearing my name in that voice (dude did really good impressions or something…).

"Yeah," Mom said stepping forward. "I'm Melanie."

"Xemnas," the man replied, before looking at my mom's outstretched hand confusedly. It took him a moment to take hers, shaking it.

"How do you feel?" I asked when my mom stepped back.

"I am fine," Xemnas said, his smile not creeperish at all. Maybe that was how I knew it couldn't be the real Xemnas… "Although…they are taking quite some time with the test results."

I didn't bother asking what kind of tests he was talking about. I figured it was brain scans. "Hey, mom?" I turned to mom and smiled at her. "You wanna head out and pick me up later?"

"Yeah, I'll tell Beth you're staying for a while." She leaned over and kissed me on the lips, as we had no problems with showing public displays of family affection.

"Okay, mom, see ya." When she left, I looked back to Xemnas, who was staring at that wall again. "So…" I pulled the chair away from the bed so I wouldn't be too close, and sat down. "Getting out soon?"

"I think so, yes…" he said, nodding. "They don't have any reasons to keep me here. But they're saying I have amnesia."

I couldn't bring myself to ask him what had happened for some reason. "Why?"

"I have no family, and I cannot give them a place of birth. Nor do I have anywhere to call home."

"You don't remember," I said softly. "It's okay-"

He chuckled. That low, I-don't-know-what-it-is sound, which gave me goosebumps. "I wouldn't say that."

"Then you have somewhere to go, family to go back to?" I suggested, leaning on my elbows, my chin resting in my right palm. He didn't answer. His eyes rose, and he squinted at the lights on the ceiling, before looking back to that wall he was facing. "It's really okay that you don't remember. Things will come back in time."

"They tell me what I remember is fake. How can they tell what is real, and what is fake?"

I couldn't answer that question. "I don't know…We judge what is real by what we know and believe in."

"What do _you _believe, Tory?" Xemnas asked slowly, turning his head to face me.

"I believe you're confused, and need time," I answered, shaking my head. "It'll come back. Really."

There was silence, after that, which went on for quite some time.

But then, Xemnas asked me, "Why did you send your mother away?"

"I wanted to see if I could help you…" Usually being without my mom, in places like this, would freak me out. But I felt like I could only worry about what she was thinking were I to try talking to him. "Like…talking sometimes helps amnesiacs sort things out. I think… But it helps depressed people, too. But if you don't want to talk, that's okay, too…I want to help, not freak you out."

He smirked when he glanced at me. "You do not find me strange?"

"I'm probably weirder than you are. Besides, what is _normal? _I can't say you're strange since I've never set a level or normal for my own judging…" I was running on, and trailing off, and my thought process ended, so I shrugged. "Tory's short for Victoria. I'm fifteen." I paused, trying to think of something else. "How old are you?"

"I stopped counting a long time ago," Xemnas said, raising an eyebrow at me. He looked at me strangely and after a moment, said, 'You look older than fifteen."

"I get that a lot…"

"That…fails to surprise me."

I smiled, but didn't strain myself to look happier than I was.

"Your wear many different faces." It was one of the stranger things I had heard from him. I blinked a few times and tilted my head. "So…free with your emotions."

I sighed heavily, my heart sinking. "I wish I wasn't…but lately, it's been hard to bottle them up." I wasn't one to let loose and talk to strangers, but lately I'd been made to; I had no choice most of the time. "It…hurts," I whispered, pressing my bandaged hand against my chest, right where my heart was beating, "here."

"Someday you will be glad for that pain," Xemnas said after a short pause. "One day you may wake up and find yourself without a heart that aches with sorrow."

"I wish that day was tomorrow," I sighed.

_I_

Mom had brought me home and by that time it was seven-thirty o'clock. Leah would probably be on, and though I wanted to talk to her, I was exhausted and wanted to just fall face-first into the bed.

Instead, as always, I sat down, turned on my computer and monitor, and waited for everything to kick in. Once the whirring of the computer slowed to its normal occasional clickity-clackity, I pulled up a Google Chrome page, minimizing it and pulling up Yahoo Messenger to log in.

-Ugh. Dude. For the love of God, log in. I need to talk to you.- Leah was signed in but her status was "I'm Mobile," meaning I needed to send a text to her phone.

-Net still down. It's the whole city, apparently. Can you tell me like this?-

-Yeah. I wasn't on long yesterday because I ended up going to the hospital when I found a guy unconscious.-

-What? Is he okay?-

-Yeah, Leah, he's okay. But it's a delusional cosplayer. Thinks it's really him. But it's a really good one. -I shook my head, a smirk curving up at my lip. It was hilarious. Needless to say, I filled Leah in on the details. It definitely had made the last couple days of my life interesting, but who knew how long it would last.

_I_

I saw Xemnas every day after therapy, and mama and I had gotten into the habit of picking him up snacks (the hospital was really nice about that kind of stuff and allowed it) to munch on. He didn't eat while we were there, claiming that it wasn't polite, but the snacks were always gone the next day. Mom _liked _him. She said he was a nice young man, though he was a bit odd. She wasn't sure why the hospital hadn't let him out yet; she suggested that they were trying to figure out what to do because he had nowhere to go (mom had made arrangements, thankfully, for the hospital to bill our medical insurance) and nobody to live with. Xemnas was strange, and the normal things we saw about him were overshadowed by his amnesia, and every time I called him by name I was reminded of the lie he was living. "Better than not living at all," Beth said when I brought it up to her. I had agreed, of course, because it was true, but still…

But there were still things we had to worry about. Xemnas was Xemnas because there was nothing else to call him. His hair was perfect, every spiky bit that stuck up was soft; he wore no gel. His skin was tanned and beautiful, his eyes were that bright golden color that held even some of the male doctors in place when he looked at them, eyes that were without contact lenses.

"Beth, I think it's _him. _Really Xemnas."

"Stranger things have happened."

The thought had me physically in pain, because there were no explanations, and too many questions, and I had _nothing _to do about it, and my stomach was in knots, my heart was pounding, and my mom made arrangements with the doctor.

They weren't for me.

_I_

"Xemnas," I said in lieu of greeting, walking into the room. He set the cup of water that he had been drinking down.

"What is it, Tory?" he asked, seeming to see right through my calmness and into the urgency I felt.

"You're getting out soon," I said, my heart skipping a beat as we made eye contact. "Mom says you can live with us. Beth and I have been cleaning, and we have a lot of animals, but if you don't mind…" My breath left me, and I had to inhale slowly. "…So…come live with us."

Things would be hard.

I couldn't run around naked until I felt like putting clothes on after a bath, and neither could Beth. My sister and I would have to clean up our room and mom's old room and straighten it up enough for him to live in. We might have to make a few more financial arrangements to adjust to a new member of the family.

_Why do I want to make sure you're okay?_

_I don't even want to make sure I'm okay._

Because nobody should pay for my problems…except for me.


	2. Break

Beth had been taking my depression badly. She was being pretty insensitive, and acting like I was normal. She wasn't even taking things into consideration. Apparently, the fact that I was exhausted all the time now didn't mean a thing, and I was still stuck doing little favors for her when she wouldn't get off her ass.

And then…

Xemnas came home with us.

It was chaos. There were dogs barking, cats meowing, birds chirping, mouse wheels turning…

The first thing Cow-Suit Xemnas did in our house was squat down and let Sarah sniff his nose…And then, some blurted sound came tumbling out of his mouth as she started washing his face, and he quickly got up.

"Sorry, sorry!" I said, trying to keep Sarah and Gabby back. Max was pretty quiet because he was sniffing Xemnas' cloak, but Pippin was barking loudly, in short, ear-splitting noises. Let's get something straight: I have four dogs, twelve cats, six birds, two catfish, X amount of mice, and four horses at my brother's place up north. Well, they're in the process of being moved to another place right now. I know it sounds like we're animal hoarders, but no. Animals come before us in our family; we feed them even if we can't afford much else at the time. We rescue animals, and the strays seem to come to us…so…

Max is a terrier-poodle; Pip is a small poodle, Sarah is a Siberian Husky-doxy-beagle; and Gabby is a Spug. Spitz-pug, as I mentioned before, maybe. I won't list off all my cats because there are twelve of them…but they were a big part of my life. All my animals were.

"I-it's fine," Xemnas said, wiping away the doggy slobber from his cheek and around his lips. For a second it looked like he was grimacing, but he was actually grinning.

"Welcome to the Zoo," Mom laughed, holding her arms out and gesturing around.

"_Mommy,_" Twitters, our pet starling squawked happily.

"Yes, Mommy and Bethie and Tory are all here, and so is _Xemnas._" I leaned forward towards the cage. "Can you say, _Xemnas?_"

"_Mommy._" She poofed out, squatting down.

"What is it?" Xemnas asked, gesturing to Twitters' cage.

"That's our European starling," Beth said proudly, smiling. She didn't look surprised at all considering she hadn't seen Xemnas once before this. She was acting…normal. "And I'm Beth. B-E-T-H, got it memorized?" She smiled, grinned, actually.

There was immediately an air of tension in the room that shouldn't have been there.

Xemnas nodded, though the confused, embarrassed grin was gone, replaced by a falsely calm smile. "Yes…it is very nice to meet you."

I looked at Beth, almost glaring…but then I realized that it had been a test. I noticed that when she spoke and said, "I'll show you to your room, Sir," her tone was as false as his smile, high-pitched and cheerful when she was calculating and careful.

He'd passed Beth's test, I realized. My gut clenched up. She'd put him on edge on purpose, because if he hadn't noticed that last bit or had laughed it off, it would had been clear that he was faking. He really thought he was Xemnas.

"Please, call me Xemnas."

"Oh, alrighty!" Her tone changed, became more _Beth _and not so fake. "Well, up the stairs, there's the bathroom…"

Her voice faded as she went up the stairs, Xemnas following.

"Is it really okay?" I asked softly, looking at my mother. She nodded, smiled somewhat tiredly, and said;

"No matter who he is or where he came from, he needs a place to start. And he's a stray like all the animals we bring in, just…well, human."

"Mom?"

"What is it, baby?"

"Thank you."

When I brought up bringing Xemnas home to mom, she had said she was already thinking about it, but no matter what Beth and I had to get our acts together and help more around the house. I was really tired all the time and wanted to rest, but we still had cleaning up to do. The house looked better than it had in weeks already, but…why stop here? I let myself smile, a flutter of happiness easing my tension. No matter whom he was…or where he came from.

He was one of us now regardless, right?

I wouldn't be too friendly with him because I didn't want to freak him out, but I didn't want him nervous. Then again, he never acted nervous. Never had I seen his eyes wide or his hands trembling, or a false smile that hid fear. He was just calm all of the time, that was all. He didn't talk much, but when he did, I listened, and he did the same for me.

"_Sorry I'm late, I needed to drop some stuff off at the house before we swung over here."_

"_It's fine, Tory…you know, you don't need to see me every day. Don't stress yourself."_

"_No…no, I need to get out of the house more, and…well, this helps, even if only for an hour or two."_

"_What else do you do during the day?"_

_I_

Thankfully the weekend wasn't too hectic. It was actually really peaceful; what with not having therapy in the mornings (instead of getting discharged, apparently they wanted me back the following Monday), so I could get up, get coffee…and though I usually hated it, do chores. I was trying to establish that system of constants in my life as my case worker had suggested.

But one thing always freaked me out. It was like Xemnas never slept. The first day, I had actually shrieked when he said "good morning" because I hadn't seen him sitting at my grandpa's usual spot at the table, and the dining room light hadn't been turned on.

"_I made coffee."_

"…_What the…GOD…I…Good morning! Wait…you…you did? Oh, thank you…it's a wonderful thing to wake up to…"_

"_I apologize for startling you; that wasn't my intent…I couldn't find the light switch."_

"_Oh. It's this circle-shaped button-thingy. Usually we can turn it down to adjust the lighting, but right now we gotta keep it turned all the way to the right, because the lights we have in aren't meant to be adjusted."_

"_Ah. I'll keep that in mind."_

First it unsettled me that he had gotten up so early, and while he seemed to be acting normal I could tell he wasn't comfortable enough to do much else around the house. But coffee. He was my hero in the morning. But I had gone up to bed before he had…he apparently didn't get much sleep. So I worried, but I didn't bring it up to him.

Instead, I went around the dining room table and fed the catfish in the tank sitting on an electrical organ that we never used. And then, I went and made coffee: one scoop of creamer, three scoops of sugar. Xemnas didn't comment on my over-use of sugar until I commented on his black coffee. He liked it bitter, he said. I told him to do whatever he's comfortable with.

"_This is your home now, for as long as you want it to be." _

Of course, I had to fill him in on the situation. My grandfather was in the hospital, because…well, he was very old, and not doing too well, but he was getting better. I mostly worried about his health, but on top of that, because he filed a reverse-mortgage on the house, we would leave if he…kicked the bucket.

And I didn't want to live with my brother and sister-in-law. I loved them, but last time it hadn't gone well at all. Kelley treated me more like a servant than a guest, while Beth had been treated pretty well. Of course my brother wasn't around when his wife had bossed me around… But Beth and I had even been made to clean our nephew's rooms. It was hell. One's older than I am, and one is only five years younger. They were old enough to take care of it…

Then again, I hadn't cleaned my room in months, and it looked so strange and empty once I had…we had done a lot so Xemnas wouldn't feel cluttered.

And I went back to my daily routine, aside from visiting him in the hospital; that had changed. I relaxed for a bit, and then took Gabby out.

And then… Monday came again.

_I_

"Oh, _God,_" I groaned, sitting up. "Beth, for the love of _God, _turn off the alarm." It was enough to drive me nuts. Taking her sweet time (I was on the top bunk and could have done it faster) Beth turned it off eventually, getting out of bed and clambering over to the light switch.

No, I wasn't being lazy. I had another forty minutes before I had to get up, because therapy, unlike school, doesn't start till nine. So yay. But unfortunately, with Beth being so loud about shifting stuff around to find what she needed, I got up anyways, and went down after dressing and going to the bathroom and what not. You know, morning stuff.

Seven-fifteen rolled around, and Beth headed out the door into the cold morning.

"Love you," she muttered sleepily, sounding almost angry even though she wasn't.

"Have a good day," I wished her, "love you too."

"Why don't you go with her? You both go to the high school, don't you?" Xemnas asked, sounding just curious enough to make it a question.

"I'm in therapy in the mornings instead of school. I can't handle school anymore." I sighed and shrugged. He looked at me strangely, taking a sip of the horrible black coffee as I went into the kitchen, my shaking fingers working to make a cup of coffee. Xemnas said nothing, and I figured I might as well go on… "I'm…severely depressed. The Thursday before last, I had a meltdown and cried over a problem at school that was just too hard on me right then and…" I sighed, angry at myself. "I used to be an A and B student." I left the spoon in my coffee and left it on the counter, ripping one of my report cards from the magnet clip holding it up from the fridge. "Look." I walked into the dining room table and, blushing with shame, slapped it on the table next to his coffee.

"A, B…four Cs, I fail to see a problem with your grades. This is no reason to give up…" He looked at me, and opened his mouth to say something, but then paused…and he seemed to change his mind about something. "That's not it."

"I'm struggling just to keep _that,_" I said. "The A is in art…so no surprise there…but I've been going to school every day this year feeling like crap because I don't want to go, and my friends are there and cheerful, and…well I don't want to worry them. So…"

_I'm forced to fake a smile, _

_A laugh,_

_Every day of my life…_

"I lie. I smile. I laugh; I put a bounce in my step. It's…" my voice cracked, and I put a hand over my mouth and went back into the kitchen. "It's _hard._ I've been feeling so run-down…I've missed more school than I'm allowed to as it is, and the teachers know now about me, and say they're more than willing to help…"

_I'm a good student. I've always tried to be. Teachers love me. I don't have any enemies._

_So what's my problem?_

"I'm depressed. Clinically…and I think I have seasonal affective disorder, on top of that…Thus the pills." I pointed to the three bottles on top of the medicine cabinet from where I stood in the kitchen, so he could only see my arm and part of my side. Two antidepressants, and allergy pills. I took a sip of my coffee, feeling tears run down my cheeks. My heart was clenching up. I felt like I wanted to die just talking about it.

_I want to stop feeling._

"Mom didn't understand why I was crying so much about school until I told her…I don't want to be here anymore…"

_I want to stop this ache._

"Tory…"

_Nobody understands._

"Come sit down. Don't be ashamed of showing your emotions."

_Why…_

"H-hang on…gimme a sec to get myself together." I sniffed softly, removing my glasses to wipe the tears from my face. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be, it's all right."

I felt horrible, dumping this all on him. He was new to our household, new to this life, and he was practically a stranger and shouldn't have to deal with my problems. But even when I stepped out into the dining room, hanging onto my coffee mug and sniffling, he still looked calm. A bit more pensive than he normally appeared, but he wasn't looking from side to side like he was thinking _Oh God, is she gonna start talking again?_

_I_

We were…close acquaintances at best. We hadn't quite made it to friends. And there was always a sense of confusion surrounding him, like he didn't know what to do with himself. But that Monday, when I got back from therapy, Beth was on one of the computers downstairs, and Xemnas wasn't at the table doing a crossword puzzle and drinking his coffee.

"Where's Xemnas?" I asked, my heart jumping with worry.

Beth smirked and glanced back at me, actually laughing. She clearly hadn't been home from school long; her cheeks were still rosy from the chilly walk back. "He's at D&W. A job interview."

"What?" Mom laughed, her eyes a little wide.

_I'll be damned, _I thought. And I knew what it was, or I guessed; he didn't want to be in our debt all of the time, so he was trying to get a job.

"He says he refuses to be a freeloader," Beth explained. "He got up and left just a few minutes ago."

And then I looked down…and around. "…He vacuumed, too."

"And dusted," Mom added.

"And put the books away," Beth pointed out smugly. I love my sister…but that was supposed to be her job.

"He's a _neat freak,_" I muttered to myself, hardly able to breathe. I was…thrilled. And excited. Why? I couldn't let myself slack off just because Xemnas was picking up on chores!

Mom went to the kitchen to check on a roast she had started before she left to pick me up. "He got a big stack of dishes done, _girls,_" she shouted scoldingly. I winced.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, grinning a bit, "I better get my rear in gear." Beth snorted at my comment and agreed. "Oh no, you were supposed to be putting the _books _away weeks ago."

_I_

I had music blaring into my ears from my headphones, and was typing away, trying to get another chapter of _Fantasy is Reality _done. I couldn't let my exhaustion keep me from working on that, because that particular fanfiction had as much potential as _Crystal Cerberus _when it had started.

And so, I didn't hear the door opening and closing downstairs. Nor did I hear the loud welcome and commotion downstairs. Nor did I hear the footsteps coming up the stairs and going into the bathroom.

And suddenly I felt the floor shake, and a loud shout.

I yanked my headphones off of my ears and threw them down onto my keyboard, running down the hall.

"No! Bad…Yeti!" I saw Xemnas, on his way out of the bathroom, trying to get his hand back from Yeti (aka Little Boy) without tearing up his hand worse than it already had been.

"Don't say the N word," I said, swatting lightly at my cat's hind quarters. He let go of Xemnas and went for me instead, but I ducked down and said sweetly, "Oh, _Little Boy, _whatchoo doin', my little _baby_?" He got up and sniffed my nose. "Let me see your hand." I straightened up and took a look at Xemnas', gasping quietly. It was his right hand, and it had been…torn up pretty badly. "I'm so sorry," I breathed, taking his wrist and lifting it to examine the wounds…they were bleeding pretty badly. "He-he was abused before I found him. Come downstairs, I'll put tripe-antibiotic on it and get you so wraps."

"No, I'll be fine," Xemnas said, his nose scrunching up a little. "I'll just clean them and-"

"Unlike dogs, cat mouths don't disinfect themselves every five seconds. It's really important that I take care of it." I looked up to him and pulled him carefully down the stairs. "Please."

He sighed through his nose and said, "Very well…"

I had him sit in the chair he normally sat at. His hand wasn't the worse I'd seen, and the bites and scratches weren't as bad as mom and I had gotten. But…there _was _blood, so it was bad…

"I'm so sorry," I said, feeling horrible. I hadn't been able to get Little Boy over his fears and well…it had consequences.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Mom asked from the kitchen.

"Little Boy?" Beth asked, getting up and digging into the file cabinet. I'd already gotten the triple-antibiotic, and was squirting it out of the tube a little at a time, being careful to distribute it across all of the wounds.

"I'm sorry, sorry, sorry," I kept saying, even after his hand was wrapped…much like mine.

I had tried to keep Little Boy from jumping one of the other cats, and I had grabbed him and said, _No! _to stop him…he panicked and snapped into my hand, biting and hanging on while he kicked and clawed, and…

I had enough scars on my hands and wrists, collected over the years, to make people ask if I cut myself. Which, despite being suicidal, I am proud to say I haven't.

"That's enough," Xemnas said evenly, "I am _fine._ I heal very quickly. It will be gone by tomorrow."

"At least _someone _has a positive attitude around here," Beth said, shaking her head. She smiled at Xemnas, clearly having had a good day. "Well, are you going to tell her?"

Xemnas sighed, looking a bit…confused. "I haven't got the job _yet,_ Beth, I don't see why it's so important."

Mom looked at me, and, seeing my angst, filled me in. "They liked the way he sounded and were pretty sure he would get the job."

"Cashier?"

Xemnas sighed. Amnesiac or not, he clearly thought this was below him. "Yes…"

"I'm sure you'll be getting promotions left and right, once you get the job," Beth suggested, patting Xemnas' shoulder. "Just stay confident."

It was…a good day, despite my cat attacking Xemnas. I was just glad it wasn't as bad.

I went to the kitchen. "Mom, will the roast be ready soon?" I asked, the smell mouth-watering.

"Give it a couple more hours," Mom sighed, following me in and passing me to check. "You _could _get into it now…but you know how my roasts work."

"They keep getting better the longer you wait," Beth chimed in with me. Usually if you put something into the fridge, it's not as good next time, but mom's roasts are magical. They get better every time you put it in and pull it back out of the fridge. Her roasts were a once-in-a-while thing…but I knew why she had gotten everything together this month, this day. She wanted to impress our newest member of the family. And I really hoped he had good taste in food. Better than his taste in coffee…I wanted him to like the roast. I wanted him…to enjoy being here. Maybe homey things like this would wake up…memories…

But I was going nuts on the inside, because he wasn't changing physically. His hair stayed the way it had been when we met; still soft and shiny and styled and _the silver was still there_ even after he had washed it multiple times. His eyes were still an unnerving gold, but now I didn't freeze up upon seeing them, nor did mom or Beth. The cats liked him and Sarah _loooved _him. Sarah loved men in general. Gabby was pretty fond of him too, but she still seemed kind of upset about Papa (grampa) not being around. But it couldn't possible be _really _Xemnas. Because Xemnas…faded. To Nothing.

_But…nothing is eternal. Xemnas…faded to eternal?_

I shook my head, because I knew I was thinking too hard. But my heart clenched up and my stomach started to hurt, and by the time I got to my room, I was in tears. Things couldn't go on like this. He needed to know that…that what? He wasn't really who he cosplayed as?

It was weird because since he had moved in he had started wearing normal stuff, because once we got him home and settled, we took him shopping and got him a good wardrobe. Thankfully Goodwill had good clothes for good prices (hidden advertisement from me? No, I just shop there a lot) because we're poor.

_I_

Tuesday, I had come home from therapy, and gone to the room Beth and I share right away. It was strange not having a backpack to drop off. I was exhausted; I hadn't even said hello to Xemnas. I turned on my computer and monitor, sat down, and waited for everything to kick in.

I double-clicked the Yahoo Messenger icon too many times to count until the computer was 'awake' enough to register it. I also double-clicked My Computer, then double-clicked the icon for my plugged-in MP3 player. I ran through my music and sighed, not finding anything I wanted to listen to. So I went onto my flash drive, which I named Halo. I had a few songs I hadn't put on my MP3 player in there, so…

Face Up by Lights.

_The times, you don't wanna wake up, cause in your sleep it's never over when you give up…_

It was a song I had found after starting therapy…it had been in a video tribute to Kairi from…well Kingdom Hearts, of course. I hunted down the song and got it because…I knew what it was like to feel that way. As far as I can tell, it's describing depression. Sometimes I didn't want to wake up in the morning…I wanted to sleep forever and sink into darkness.

The song…it sounded almost encouraging. Even describing depression, it didn't make my chest clench up or hurt.

_Kairi._

This couldn't go on…

I went over to the cabinet-type organizer-thingy that we kept the games in, and I yanked out the drawer, finding Kingdom Hearts: Re: Com, and popped open the case. I stared at the disk with murderous intent, it all slipped from my fingers when a voice spoke.

"Are you alright?"

I turned around. "…you're not…" I stammered, my heart clenching up when I found myself staring at a man that acted too _normal _in this world to be from anywhere but.

"…Pardon?" When I didn't speak, he shifted a little, resting his hand on the wooden doorframe, like he didn't want to cross the border into my room. "You were stomping, your mother was about to come up, but…" My mother had a bad leg and he knew this. He was sparing her the trouble of making a possibly unnecessary trip up the stairs.

"You're not Xemnas," I whispered, feeling like I wasn't there. There were tears falling and my head was spinning, and my heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my fingers and in my toes.

"…Yes, I am," he said, taking his first step in.

"He's not REAL!" I then shouted, waving a hand through the air, my fingertips brushing across his shirt with the motion. He was within arm's reach; too close.

"What are you talking-"

"Xemnas is from Kingdom Hearts! It's a _video game!_ Stop pretending and _look _at yourself, dammit, you're not-" My words caught in my throat and my knees buckled, landing on my hands and knees as I burst into sobs. For a long moment it was silent aside from the noises I was making, crying and trying to speak, but blubbering with tears instead.

He leaned down far enough, _too close, _to hesitantly grab what I had dropped. He stared at the disk as I watched…and then he closed it, looking at the front cover. He turned it over, and his eyebrows rose for a moment.

"…So…this is…" He looked down to me and I ran my tongue behind my teeth, trying to distract myself as I watched him setting the case on top of my keyboard.

He undid the safety pin keeping the bandages around his hand, and slowly unraveled Beth's careful handiwork, letting it fall in a light heap on the floor. He ripped off each Band-Aid and dropped them individually into the small tin trash can next to the door. I heard light whispering noises as each one hit the empty bottom. And then he knelt down next to me, and held out his hand. It was clear of any mark. Not even a scar remained.

"This is impossible," I whispered, shaking my head as more tears hit the floor. He got up and walked to the center of the small room, and I slowly got up on shaking knees. He held his arms out at his sides, and red lights burst from his palms, extending into beams that if he moved wrong, would burn into the walls. "You're really here…? This…is real." I felt sick…almost enough to puke. My head hurt and my eyes were on fire. He let the beams fade away and his arms fell to his sides heavily. His gaze was cold but without malice or pain, just…distant. Waiting. And then all at once he seemed to droop, his shoulders sagging a bit as he rested a hand on the board of the bunk bed.

"Those games are for your entertainment…how much do you know?"

"…I know…what you've done," I said. He turned and looked out the window, letting go of the bed to place a hand on the window. His fingers were twitching a little. His mouth was open, and his breathing was a little irregular. I felt…detached. I was no longer there, speaking; I was listening to a shell speak to…Xemnas. "I…know who you were…I know…how your end came."

I stepped towards him, one uneasy step after another, and all at once I came back to myself, wrapping my arms around him from behind, my cheek pressed against his back.

"You have an entire world behind you, Xemnas. Don't be afraid."


	3. Distractions

I thought the world was going to crumble beneath me, when a pair of arms went around not only me, but Xemnas, as far as they could reach.

"We saw it all…" Beth said softly, "Sora was…wrong. He saw only the villain…not the victim beneath." Slowly, slowly, we both pulled away, and he turned to us at last, giving us both that surprised, distant look. But he didn't look…as distressed.

"I need to think," Xemnas said softly, walking past both of us and out the door, into the room across from us. The door shut, latched, and the bed in there creaked. He'd sat down on it. Beth brought me into her arms.

"How much did you see?" I whispered, my voice hitching with breath needed from crying so much.

"I heard enough to know what was happening," she said very quietly, one of her hands smoothing my hair down. "I've been wondering, lately…oh baby, I had no idea it was this hard on you…"

"He was settling down so well," I muttered, shaking my head and taking a deep breath. I thought for sure I'd ruined whatever idea of us he'd had in mind. "And he's…so different…I thought the real Xemnas would have left already…in the middle of the night or something, but he's stayed around…"

"After what happened," Beth murmured close to my ear, "He's not going to hop right back up and go for world domination…without feelings or not…that's discouraging." Beth was right, and I knew it. But it still hurt. Too much. My heart wanted to rip into pieces…even more pieces, that is. My heart was clenching, and my stomach was in knots, and I sat down, but Beth still held me even then. Xemnas' plans had been crushed after everything had gone so well. But the Xemnas from Kingdom Hearts II, the one gesturing all over the place like a lunatic, grinning and laughing and speaking like a creeper while making rape-faces, and this calm one, that sat and did crossword puzzles and had probably been called already with the news that he got the job, were completely different people. It was like…the difference between Yuna from FFX and the Yuna from FFX-2. Even though it seemed impossible…it had happened. What happened to Xemnas…changed him.

When Beth left, I did what I always did when she went off to call Onii-chan. I got on the computer and talked to Leah. I needed her input. I needed her counsel. Advice. Support. I needed her like a drug addict needs a fix. Surprisingly no, Leah isn't my girlfriend, nor do I like her in such a manner. But she was the only thing that had kept me, months back, from killing myself via dagger to the stomach. I loved her, and still do, like a sister. She always knew how to cheer me up, or at least distract me to the point in which she could cheer me up.

Right then, I didn't want a distraction. I didn't need one. I needed some idea of what to do, and I put my headphones on—and changed the song to Hero by Skillet. It…wasn't distracting. It was a good song to give me some kind of…not hope…but resolve. Resolve to live longer. To fix things. To help. And dammit, I wasn't going to let one of the biggest baddies from the game-verse to go all emo on me!

And so, it began.

-Leah~~~- I waited about thirty seconds when the reply came.

-Yeeeees? :3-

-I has a problem~~~-

Her next response nearly made me smile, what with the face. –Tells? -w- -

-Um…I kinda…sorta just told Xemnas he didn't exist in this world…and, well…- I hit enter, then added, -He popped out his beam-sword things-

Leah's next reply was a line of three dots. –I see. Well, obviously you're dealing with the real thing.- And then a few moments later; -What did he do after that? :/ -

I sighed and typed as quickly as I could, trying not to think too hard on the memories. - He put them away...and looked out the window. I know he says Nobodies can't feel, but while he looked out the window he looked so sad. –

Leah replied with one of her best theories (one that I like to agree with, personally). - Nobodies do have the ability to remember feelings, they just can't feel them automatically like a somebody...- I tried to think of a response. But she, again, worked faster than I did. –Just give him a little time. I'm sure things will work out soon.-

I did three dots and sent them.

-That can't be easy to take on.-

-I find it strange that none of this surprises you.-

-... Considering what I deal with all the time, is it really that hard to believe? -w-; -

Um...I know this isn't as BIG a problem, but it...kind of twisted up every hold on reality I had. And apparently it shook him up. He went to the other room after Beth and I hugged him.- It…felt weird. Saying that I had hugged him. Because I did…and he was Xemnas. –I hugged Xemnas. God, this is so weird.-

-Can I be honest?-

-Yes, please do be. I need you right now… . -

-That's kind of cute, in my opinion.-

Finding this funny, but a little surprising, I replied with a simple 'face.' –o.o-

-He probably needed that hug more than you will even begin to realize hun :/- I sighed softly. –The real Xemnas wouldn't have had that sort of affectionate contact in years.-

I admitted, a bit sheepishly, -He has a very…huggable build. And you're right…- Xemnas…really was nice for hugs, or at least I thought so. He had a solid build, and he gave off a comfortable amount of body heat.

-He just failed at something that he's been working his ass on for years... You probably just handed him the glue to stick himself back together.- My eyes went a little wide for a second as I read it, and my stomach knotted back up. –Better yet… You are the glue in a manner of speaking.-

-I can only hope so…he was doing so well with this normal thing…- And then added, -I'm the glue? o.o; - Leave it to Leah to try making me feel like a hero when I couldn't even hold myself together.

-Yeah, you're pretty much the person he's closest to right now.- I looked down, and looked up to see another message. -This is a time for you two to lean on each other for the support you need when no one else understands.-

Leah…was right. Then again, that was usually the case. And then… I sighed, thinking of Beth's reaction to the situation. Leaning back in the chair and pulling the keyboard into my lap, I started typing. –I think Beth knew. :/ -

-That he's the real deal?-

-Yeah…and I've been trying to deny it this whole time.- Spiky hair without gel, naturally silver hair, golden eyes… -There was no other explanation.-

-Wouldn't surprise me, from how much I know Beth…She'd just believe he was the real thing until proven other wise.-

I snorted. –Beth is weird. I don't know what she believes in most of the time.- I hit enter, and took a moment to think. –I'll ask her, and she says, "I believe anything is possible."- Smiling felt weird, because the tears had dried, and my face felt kind of stiff where they had fallen.

-Kinda like me then. But I actually know a lot of weird things are possible… lol-

-You know what?-

-What?-

-As normal as my sister appears, she's still a fracking mystery to me when you get down to it.- After another pause, I added, -I wonder how well I know her.-

-shrug- I wonder that about everyone sometimes.- And then, -I bet Xemnas does too.-

-He was fitting into society like a puzzle piece. He went job-hunting. o.O And did dishes.-

-xD-

-. Do you know how NOT Xemnasy that seems to me?-

-Well... He doesn't exactly seem like the beholden type.- Pause. –What?- Another pause. "Oh. Sorry, read that wrong."

I smiled. –lol tis fine.-

-Well, you're probably thinking of that Xemnas who laughs like a fackin' nut and makes way too many gesticulations.-

So, I was a little startled. -…Yep. It's scary, really.- I sighed.

-Not the sane, kind of calculative part of him.-

I made a face. –He almost never laughs. :/ -

-He's probably hurting, or whatever the Nobody equivalent of it.- What I loved about Leah was that she understood things, but didn't always feel the need to go into overwhelming detail. - Disappointed I guess. You don't have to be very emotional for that, it's more of a mental thing.- But again. She understood plenty.

-Yeah. I understand. I think he's too hard on himself.-

-The guy is awfully misjudged.-

I licked my lips, realizing how chapped they were, and sore. _I should probably medicate them…_ -Yeah. He's…amazing. And a neat freak. -.-; -

-xD-

- He's mom's favorite child right now.-

-Yep, the mid-twenty-something child.- And then she added THE FACE. - -w- -

-Hey, he's younger than my older brother.- Thirty-seven versus…oh, twenty…six, seven.

-Point taken.-

-Yeeeep.-

-?-

-Just...agreeing and glad you see mah poiiint. ;D –

-^^;-

-He wakes up early and always has coffee made.-

-A good man. For you at least. ;D-

I felt my cheeks burning, and I sighed. -*facepalm* I wish. –w- He wouldn't go for me though.- That stuff just doesn't happen. Nobody goes for Tory. I sighed, feeling…unloved.

-Lol I didn't mean it in the romantic way… But that's an interesting thought.-

-...Don't get those interesting thoughts, Leah, this isn't just...roleplaying anymore. ^^;-

-Lol tell him I say hi when you can.-

- I will. : ) He...likes normalcy. I think it's what he wanted all this time. .-

-Of course he wanted normalcy. That was pretty much the point of getting their hearts again :/ So they could be normal people again.-

-I wonder what he thinks about. I wonder if he thinks of Saix, and Axel...and everyone else. What he's had. What he's lost.-

-I'd say he's confused. And unfortunately… that can hurt. So he's probably got an unfamiliar throbbing in his veins. Hurt.-

-I thought he was angry when he went to the window.- The fingers on the glass; twitching like they belonged to a man who wanted to bring his fist back and _smash._ –And then he looked angsty…then just sad.- The eyes of someone who had everything ripped out from underneath them…

The same eyes I saw in the mirror every time I got up in the morning.

-I've always seen Xemnas as a bit of the more down trodden types..- I looked up as Leah continued typing. - He's such a serious guy, it doesn't surprise me.-

-I feel awful…this is my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have told him.-

-No, it's a good thing.- Then she added, - If Xemnas faded away and came here... There's reason to believe that the others will follow after him.- My breath caught in my throat. _No._ I…no! I shook my head. - So to put in plainly, there's a high possibility you would've found out the truth even if he hadn't shown you.-

-I think I knew when I was playing with his hair. :/- I tried to stay calm…but maybe Leah was right. Would the others come?

-I see…This would be easier if I were there. -w-; -

-What would?-

-I dunno. I just have the feeling weird things will be going down soon.-

No. No, that…couldn't happen. Things could be normal again. Xemnas was normal now; or he had a chance to be.

Don't say that. It was bad enough when reporters talked about 'a high school student found a man unconscious near the lake on the news. :/ You have no idea how fucking lucky I am that they didn't hunt me down.-

-Who? The members?-

-No, the reporters.- I paused, and then, laughing lightly, typed in, - Are you kidding me? I'd face down every member of the Org XIII before dealing with reporters! D:-

- Oh, meh. I'd just make some lewd comment so they can't put me on TV anymore. -

-lol…I'm not like that though.-

- No, but it'd be worth it and you know it xD -

-Even so.-

-Yeah yeah, I know. -w- So what now?-

-I'm not sure. I'm just worried he'll be gone when I open the door.-

-Nah, running away isn't his style.-

I froze, reading that line at least three times. -...Oh God, this is XEMNAS. What was I thinking?-

- I'm telling you, seriously, you've probably just made a friend in some weird mysterious way that is only done by Tory.-

- I can do this. He's not going to give up just because of something like...this.-

-Exactly. ;3-

-So you think that...well, incident, to put it lightly, brought Xemnas and I closer?-

-Yep.-

I closed my eyes for a minute and sighed heavily. - Things are going to go on. Nothing is going to happen! I think this is just the heavens giving him a chance to start over.-

I just had…more family now.

_I_

"Where's Xemnas?" Mom asked. It sounded so weird when she said Xemnas, because she had _never _been into Kingdom Hearts.

"Still up there…" Beth said, glancing upward. She looked at me meaningfully, then.

"…It's my fault he's in there," I said quickly, shaking my head. "I can't…"

"Yes, Tory…you can." Shaking her head, Beth laughed at me. "God, hun, just go. He won't bite." Plates and bowls were being set on the table by mom. Beth was setting silverware. I looked down, scratching my cheek thoughtlessly as I examined the wooden floor, scuffed and dull from years of being walked on. Ruined? No, not quite…

"Please," Mom said, giving me that Look. She didn't know what had happened, but…this was kind of important, and she really had started caring for Xemnas. She didn't want him moping any more than she wanted me sitting all alone all day.

I nodded, and ascended the stairs, feeling kind of…numb. I was a little scared. If he sent me away, would I go, or yell? Would he leave? Was he already gone? My throat hurt; I was trying not to cry. I had started getting used to the strangeness of a male in the house; let alone him…I didn't _want _him to leave.

"Xemnas-" I started, pushing the door open as I twisted the doorknob. And I froze.

He was asleep. He was on his back, hair fanned out across the pillow his head rested on, lips parted slightly as he breathed deep, even breaths. His eyes were shut lightly, and he looked so…relaxed. One hand was on the pillow next to his head, and the other was resting on his stomach. I didn't know what to think or say; all I could do was _stare _and wait, frozen in place because Xemnas was…breathtakingly beautiful, laying there like an angel that knew no wrong.

And I smiled, wandering over there as I looked down at him. "Xemnas…" His eyebrows twitched, but no response yet. "Xemnas."

"Mn…"

I reached down, hesitantly placing my hand on his shoulder, shaking him very carefully. "Xemnas." And then with a jolt, he was sitting up, his eyes wide and looking at me with confusion, his fingers locked around my wrist, holding my palm flat against his shoulder. "Dinner," I said quietly, finding myself smiling. My sister had awoken worse, she'd punched me and kicked before. Just getting a little startled like this…

_It's okay._

"I'll be down in just a moment," Xemnas said quietly.

_But are you okay? You don't sound the same. _I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was in the midst of becoming aware of how close we were. Face to face; Xemnas seemed so…so different. But if I were to close my eyes…he would be just like anybody else.

And then he had let go of my hand, and I was pulling away, standing up.

"Okay…" I swayed a bit as I walked, putting a hand to my face. I was…really light-headed. "I'll see you in a minute…then."

_I_

Dinner…was strangely ordinary. It was scary, almost.

"Tory, you really need to at least _try _to come back to school," Beth said, "for all of your friends, if not for yourself." I smiled and shook my head as I chewed on a chunk of beef.

Swallowing, I said, "I'm _not _going back. I told you, Nee-san; I'll relapse…I just can't handle the stress right now." Sighing, my sister shook her head.

"Hun, you know it'll be hard getting a job-"

"Even one of the group therapists said it's not the end of the world. A complete stranger understood, why can't you?"

A short sigh. "I'm not discussing this."

"You brought it up," I stated firmly.

"_Girls," _Mom said, smacking her hand on the table. Both of us startled and looked over. She was grinning, but I knew it was only some amusement, and was mostly a grimace. "You're _horrible._"

Beth seeming to ignore mom, looked over at me. "You know, TJ just about tackled me today. He was freaking out because he didn't know _where _you've been. Everyone misses you, Tory."

"Weird. I told my teacher to tell Joanna…I assumed she'd pass on the word."

TJ and Joanna were my freshmen…had been. But I was going to enroll in online classes or something…but school would crush me. I just knew it. If I went back, I might last a week before falling to pieces all over again. The suicidal thoughts themselves had…slowly but surely ebbed away, and now it was more or less the dread of waking up in the morning to the blaring alarm clock.

But things had…changed. When the alarm went off, I got out of bed before I needed to. I got dressed early, headed down earlier. It was a pretty quick change, but noticeable only to Beth; who said it was because I wanted to be by Xemnas. And, maybe it was true. Maybe that's why I would smile as I ducked around the bottom of the stairwell with a smile on my face, or yawning, and mosey on into the kitchen, making coffee while saying good morning to Xemnas. I still didn't fully believe that he was here; I didn't believe I would wake up the next morning with him downstairs. I was so happy to see him every morning because I was scared it would be the last time I ever saw him. It was an odd thing to think about while eating dinner, but my thoughts were always on the stranger side.

"…You know what?"

"Wuh?" Beth asked around a mouthful. I happened to glance at Xemnas just in time to see him smirking. Mom just sighed. I stared into my stew, seeing my reflection vaguely in the broth. It was distorted and ugly; it looked nothing like what I saw in the mirror. But it's what I probably looked like on the inside. Broken, distorted, twisted…my heart had been shattered to pieces, and there was nothing more I could do because I was a kid. And I was stupid, and wore my heart on my sleeve all the time.

"…I don't like being like this." I stabbed a potato and stuck it in my mouth, chewed, swallowed. "…" I glanced over to Xemnas, who was eating in silence.

_To new beginnings…_

"Welcome to the Carlton family," I said, attention immediately turning to the only man in the room. Mom and Beth just smiled, and Xemnas looked around at us, and just looked back down, a small, serene sort of smile tilting up the corners of his mouth.

"Thank you."

It was official at that moment.

_And happy endings._

_I_

My feelings towards that damned alarm clock would never change. I could hear it still going off in my head hours after it had stopped. And no, sadly, I am not kidding. So distractions in the morning, like talking to Xemnas, were much appreciated.

So we knew he was from a different world, and he knew that he was considered a fictional character in this world. As far as I was concerned, he didn't _need _a heart to live a normal life. Nobody or not, walking in light or shadow or in the in-between twilight, it didn't matter. I stopped trying to find ways to relate _this _Xemnas and the Xemnas I had beaten violently with a Keyblade. All of that didn't matter anymore, because Xemnas was content, and I was…well, not quite happy, but a little closer to normal, Beth was her normal cheerful self, mom was…well, mom.

But if Xemnas ever wanted to talk about what _was…_Well, I would talk about it.

_-So, what are you gonna do when the others show up?-_

_-LOL They're not. I think things will just settle down again.-_

Xemnas might be the only Nobody in this world. The thought was…a little upsetting, but maybe true. If not…I didn't really want to think of all of them showing up. Would it be chaos? Oh, the pandemonium that would ensue…It gave me a headache thinking about it.

The Organization XIII had been split in three. Marluxia and Larxene, plotting to overthrow Xemnas. Everyone else at Castle Oblivion, minus Axel (so four groups?), and everyone left after it. …Roxas…Okay, so five groups…Xion…was another matter. I frowned. Xemnas didn't even remember her, right? Nobody did but Namine. And…everyone on Earth.

I was getting off-track. It's scary how into my thoughts I get, even in the morning.

Xemnas was Xemnas. He didn't have to be anyone else. That was…all that mattered, right?

_I_

Wednesday was pretty uneventful, really. Therapy, get home (Xemnas was at his new job), and work on 'My Life Story,' which was a kinda-assignment from my case manager. I did a one-page 'my life in a nutshell' story, not getting into detail, but hey. I've lost memories of most of my childhood. I remember tiny bits and pieces…but not much else.

And so, upon completing that, I turned on Bad Romance, turned the volume up, and grabbed my hairbrush, which would be my microphone for the next X amount of time until I tired myself out. Lady Gaga was slightly odd, but I loved her music, and I loved how different she was from the rest of the world.

And so, with the 'door' to my room pulled across and locked (it was a two-part folding door), I started dancing around and singing into the hairbrush like, as I said, it was my microphone.

"Oooh~oooh~, oh, oh, oh~ caught in a bad romance…"

I put all my other Lady Gaga music on playlist quickly before resuming my partying. This wasn't something I did regularly, but that day had been pretty good, and so I felt okay. Why not dance and sing to celebrate? I didn't have a great voice, despite what most of my friends said, because singing wasn't my life. Drawing was, though I wanted to get into singing. But things were normal, and I was pretty okay. I was exhausted as usual from therapy, but today that wasn't going to stop me. I was just gonna shake it all away; put it behind me for just a little while. Usually Beth and I did these little 'dance parties' together, but she was downstairs working on homework. Losing myself in dancing, not worrying about people overhearing me singing, because Beth didn't care, mom wouldn't ask, and Xemnas wasn't around for me to worry about.

_M-m-m-mah… M-m-m-mah… M-m-m-mah… M-m-m-mah… M-m-m-mah…_

"I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas plays, fold 'em let 'em hit me raise it baby stay with me, I love it…" My dancing was nothing fancy; it's never been. I don't do _fancy _anything. Most of my moves were influenced by watching the opening to FFX-2 too many times. I never stood still, so my voice was hitching a little because it was hard to sing when you're jumping, and I would spin and throw my arm out. I love music and I love movement, so even if I couldn't sing worth a damn I had fun. "Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read, my, poker face~!"

Distractions like this made me forget. I forgot chores, I forgot school, I forgot my friends, I forgot my family, I forgot where I was, I forgot who I was. There was only _dance _and _sing _there, repetitive beats that had my skin tingling with goosebumps because it was _beautiful. _

_I_

I had a headache by the time I sat back in my chair, turning the music down a little and hooking my headphones to the speakers, then putting them on. My legs and arms were a bit tired, and my heart was thumping heavily, making breathing a little difficult. It was a good feeling; adrenaline pumping through my veins like I'd been out running. Mom called me adrenaline junky, but at least it was a healthy, natural high, not induced by a dangerous drug. I'd never smoked anything, and never wanted to. I wasn't a fan of alcohol; I only drank on special occasions like New Years, and even that was only a shot or two.

Maybe I was a goody-two-shoes, but mom had raised me well. I had friends that did drugs, and friends that smacked those friends over the back of the head. I just sighed and told them it was their body, and not to get caught. They didn't try to pressure me into doing drugs too; because they loved me and respected that I didn't _want _to get high.

Besides, pot _stinks. _How do I know this? I lived in a ratty trailer for two years that had been in horrible shape, and one can only get out _so much of the sink _when it's been there for years. So yes, I was bullied in school for stinking. It's not like it was my fault. So I didn't have much of a problem with it; hell, I was a big reason they started cracking down on bullying in the middle school, and then someone I knew at that school killed himself, and then they _really _got down on it. I hadn't been friends with him, but I still felt horrible. It was stupid people like the ones who picked on me and him that deserved to die. But I would be patient. I wasn't a murderer and my mom always told me God would get them back.

I'm loosely Christian, Episcopalian as it is. But I've always questioned some of the logic of the bible, and personally, I believe anything's possible. I'm the kind of kid that has confidence that the Greek gods were real; just not GODS, maybe…I dunno, higher life forms with lots of power. And maybe the Christian God locked them away when they started getting out of hand?

_I_

"Tory."

I jumped a little, glancing at Xemnas through the crack in the door. I got up and flicked the lock up, pushing the door open. "Hi…" I sat back down and glanced over at my DeviantArt page. I looked over at Xemnas and smiled a little awkwardly. "I have…lots of messages. But I'm listening. Uh, you can…come in." I clicked the messages (there were seventeen, oh joy), and…it wasn't loading right.

Webpage is not available. "…What." I sighed, and looked to Xemnas. "Okay, um. Deviantart's being stupid, did you…need something?"

He nodded. "Does it…bother you, that I'm here?" It was a fairly simple question to answer, and I shook my head.

"No. I was…really confused, and it's a big change, but Jesus, no." I felt my heart clench up…I was scared he wanted to leave or something. "What happened is in the past, and…I can't change that." I took my fingers from the keys, and rested my hands in my lap.

"Until we met, I was not real to you."

It was true. My sense of reality had been turned upside down and dumped all over me. Taking a deep breath, and letting it out… I murmured, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I didn't know. I…I was driven into a panic attack by denial and ignorance." My breath hitched, and I looked to the floor, fighting back tears. "I fought every one of the members of Organization XIII, minus Roxas, in a video game."

"You are not Sora." It was a statement that had me on my feet, staring up at him, my voice raising.

"But I _was,_" I cried out. "I hated how he acted but I _fought _as him, I got a thrill from fighting all of you because everyone had a different attack method, and it was new and challenging! It hurt me; watching you die, fade away, because I didn't want it to be over! You were doing things wrong, but it's not like that was your fault! It was all you knew! As Sora, as Riku, I killed you, _they _killed you, _we _killed you, all of you, because we didn't know what else to do! I thought it was a game, it was the only way to advance and beat it!" Hands on my shoulders, a tight grip shaking me.

"You did _not _kill me," Xemnas whispered, his voice dipping low and stern. "I did not come to you today to blame you for the past." I pressed my lips together trying not to keep crying. His facial expression relaxed considerably, and his voice lost its anger…though I knew it hadn't been directed at me, because there wasn't any anger even there. "Will you be okay, with me living here?" He let go of my shoulders, and backed away.

"Yes," I whispered, nodding. "I'd be sad if you left."

He appeared puzzled for a moment, like I hadn't made sense. "You're sad, and I'm here now."

"I'm sad because you lost everything."

He started out the door. The last thing he said that hour to me was; "Don't be pained for my loss."

It wasn't pity. It was empathy and sympathy. Empathy; I could understand what he had thought, and his desire to keep going and get his heart, and sympathy; I felt horrible that he had lost everything he had worked for.

His heart…then his plans, when he had been that close.

But things would settle down like they always did, even if it was only for a little while.


	4. Scream

Thursday came and I got through therapy. Apparently I was acting different; and I was checking off less symptoms when given a sheet. And they said I was smiling more often. Was I? I hadn't noticed.

Every day they asked the same questions. It was annoying, and stupid, and it just made me angry. I held it in, I didn't lash out, but they could still tell I was getting pissed. I didn't like people reading me that easily. But was I getting better? Well, they had changed my medicine, too, so… Even so, I couldn't go back to school. Now, or ever. It would be too much. It would snap me like a twig.

But I would keep trying. I needed to, at least, do that.

_I_

"This is ridiculous," Xemnas sighed. Even after my lengthy explanation of Kingdom Hearts, and it being a very popular game, he seemed surprised that his name was taken on Yahoo.

"Come up with something else," I suggested. "Try Xemnas, underscore, I, like Roman numeral one. Work?"

"Yes."

"There. Now, we're going to pull _this _up…and…rainyue-underscore-omega…send…and see, now next time I log in I'll get the option to refuse your request or accept it. So we're through that. And now…" I typed in Leah's Yahoo address.

"Who's that?" Xemnas asked, obviously a little irked I was typing practically over his shoulder.

"Leah. Emergency contact. Or if you want to talk to someone when I'm not around, and I'm not on Yahoo, she's good to talk to. She's really nice, and really funny."

"You seem close to her," Xemnas observed quietly.

"We're really close," I agreed, "We get along really well, and she can usually tell what I'm thinking." He chuckled quietly, and I found myself laughing and nudging his shoulder when I stood up. "What's so funny?" I questioned in a strangely cheerful tone.

"Generally I'm bothered when people can see what I'm thinking so easily."

"Don't be. Leah won't use it against you." I found myself standing behind him, one hand on each shoulder. He turned his head and looked upward, raising an eyebrow. We were…close. Did it bother him? "Well."

"Hm?"

I let go of one shoulder, leaning around so I could look him in the eye as I spoke, grinning. "Despite your pointy ears, silver hair, and bright gold eyes, you have just taken one more step towards Normalcy."

And he _laughed._ It wasn't lengthy, or forced, or anything but _amused._

It was amazing, the way it made my heart leap with joy and pulled a soft, happy laugh from my soul.

_I_

Friday.

I had come downstairs with my mug in hand, the handle broken off (but this mug was important to me), intending to get coffee as I normally did. And so I wandered past my uncle, Scott, and mom, who were discussing something regarding Papa, so I wasn't going to bother them. The washer was going, so I assumed Scott was here to do his laundry…and talk about the plans to maybe get Papa home. There was fresh coffee in the pot, and I could smell it as I poured it into my cup, instantly producing steam. The smell of fresh coffee wasn't one I was entirely fond of; I preferred the smell of fresh grounds before they're used for coffee.

"Baby, did you even say hi to Scott?" Mom laughed. I turned and waved tiredly, managing a smile.

"Hi, Uncle Scott."

"Hey, Tory." And there he was, blocking my exit—standing _right_ in the damn doorway to the kitchen. "How are you?"

"Eh," I made a so-so gesture, going back to fixing my coffee.

"You know, Tory, your mom was telling me about what you said, and how you felt about things right now…"

I sighed, trying to be quiet about it. _Shit._

"I just want you to know that things could always get harder. They can always be worse, and you have to keep trying, especially in times like this. _Especially _in times like this." My fingers twitched, knuckles popping as I curled then in towards my palm at my side as I stared blankly at the man. This was the last thing I needed right now… "In times like this, you need to stay strong and stay focused."

"I can't focus in school," I deadpanned, "I'm constantly exhausted."

"Well, try harder. You need to stay strong and focused. Especially in times like this."

_I'm going to kill you if you say that one more time, _I thought angrily. But my face didn't change; it was the look of sleepy boredom masking a heated glare.

"And you know, your mom could use a lot of help around here. Just because you're tired doesn't mean you get to sleep all the time." He leaned an arm against the doorway. He was clearly trying to block my path, even if he had no clue how pissed I was getting.

"Well, Scott…" Mom began to say. He only got louder, ignoring her.

"Things may seem rough, but you need to quit feeling sorry for yourself and get your rear in gear."

"I've been trying to…" I said very quietly.

"Well, try harder! You can't just slack off expecting to have everyone take care of you just because you don't _feel _like going to school or doing anything around the house. You're upset because you think of all the _negative _things. You're thinking of all the negative things! And that's making you sad or angry or whatever! All you do is think of the negative stuff like how tough it is to do well in school, or how much work you have ahead of you! You're _making _yourself feel like crap!"

"I don't feel like this because I want to," I replied flatly, my fingers unclenching and tightening back up. I wanted so _badly _to lash out, to strike him and make him feel the pain I felt every day of my life…

"Well then, try harder! Get good grades!"

"I'm not going back to school," I stated firmly, barely stopping myself from attacking. I grabbed my coffee and took a sip, staring up at him. "It's too much stress."

"Look, I know school can run you down like a bulldozer, but it's only because you're letting it! You're not putting up a fight! You're not putting up a fight!" His hands were starting to fly around, gesturing to emphasize his words.

"How would you know?" I demanded, my voice finally raising and cracking. "You're never around here enough to _see _me try! That's why you don't see me trying! I've been working my ass off this entire year!" I stepped forward with one foot. "Not finishing high school isn't the end of the world! If I go back to school, it'll _kill _me!"

"Only if you let it!"

"I can't decide how strong I am and what I can fight! I can only try, and I've been trying, and trying, and-"

"No you haven't!"

"Do you _want _me to kill myself?" I shrieked.

"If you want to, do it!" He shouted. I just glared, my teeth bared in an angry snarl. "You don't want to die, see? You're not gonna do it! So you better get your ass in gear, you _better _get good grades in school, you _better _go to college! Your life isn't hard at all! It's nothing compared to what I've been through!"

_I hate you. You never went to college, you dipshit. _

"You don't have drug addictions, or alcohol problems, you're clean, you're healthy, the only thing holding you back is YOU!"

"It's only because I'm not STUPID enough to get into drugs, like you!" There were tears aching to form, but I was too angry to break down just yet. "You don't get it!" I wasn't healthy. Depression is triggered by things, yes; especially stress like what I had been through…but it was a chemical disorder in the brain. "So don't give me this shit!"

"You're holding yourself back! You're holding yourself back!" he continued to rant, pointing a long, scarred, boney, callused finger at me. "So get your ass in gear, girl-"

That was _it. _But I hadn't gotten a chance to lunge or shove or hit or push…

I hadn't heard him get up. I hadn't seen him walking this way.

But suddenly there were tan fingers gripping hold of my uncle's shoulder and twisting him around, and golden eyes piercing proverbial holes into his skull.

"Your laundry won't be done for another half hour or so," Xemnas said, his steady voice sliding through my ears like silk slides across bare skin as he spoke to the man. "And it's a lovely night for a drive around town."

I couldn't breathe well because I was trying to keep calm, steady breaths, and my mom looked horrified at what had happened and what was going on at the moment.

Scott turned, not looking even once more at me, towards the door, and walked out of the dining room, out of the living room, out the door and into the cold night air.

I couldn't speak. I was angry, I was hurt, my heart was pounding and aching and my stomach was in knots and I couldn't even _think _straight. Everything was too much all at once and I had to run like I always did because it _hurt _too much.

"Tory-" Mom started, but stopped when my feet did, my coffee spilling a bit over my fingers, searing them to the point where every instinct I had said _drop it drop it! _But I didn't, still standing with one foot on the floor and one on the second stair. "Honey…"

"It's okay," I whispered loudly enough for her to hear, before going up the stairs two steps at a time, hurrying around the corner and around another one before getting into my room. Beth wasn't in there so she was probably in Papa's old bedroom, on the phone or taking a nap, but I didn't care as long as she left me alone.

I broke down, the first sob leaving my throat through my teeth as I set my coffee mug down on the computer desk and found a randomly-placed towel (Beth probably left it in there) to tend to my hand with, hissing at the tenderness. Another throbbing pulse of _hurt _had me doubled over in my chair, the sound that came out cut short because I tried to stop it but it only hurt _more, _because now that it was leaking it was going to burst and it would go on forever if it didn't happen now, and I pulled my glasses off and set them aside rather clumsily near my coffee mug; for some reason I'd developed the habit of taking them off when it was this hard to stop crying. The tears were falling so fast and so hard they were tumbling off into my lap and making tiny wet droplets on my faded blue jeans before they sank in.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I choked out, gasping for air and expelling it in another sob. "Bastard…" I wanted to punch a wall, I wanted to punch Uncle Scott…no…no, not anymore. He wasn't my uncle. Never again. He'd go too far. I wanted to puke. I wanted to die. _If you want to, do it! _He'd regret those words one day. Someday, someday, someday I'd teeter over the edge, miss a step, and fall farther than I could come back from; I'd be dead one day and it would be _him _that remembered this words, _him _that regretted my death because it's people like _him _that made me want to die.

Scott. My mother's brother. Not my uncle, though. He was gone, he had to be. I hated him. I wouldn't forgive him this time, and if he tried that huggy shit with me he pulled last time I _would _punch him, break a rib or two. He wouldn't touch me. He couldn't come back. If he did, I wouldn't talk to him. If he talked to me, I'd tell him to shut up and butt out of my life. Keep his big nose out of places it doesn't belong. I pressed the heel of my palm into my forehead; trying to alleviate some of the ache that had me weeping like the world was crumbling beneath my feet. Make the pain physical, or at least make myself a little sore, maybe pinch myself. "Bastard…"

I got up, stumbled through the room half-blind without my glasses, and I threw open the cabinet door. My dagger was gone. Mom had hidden it. She must have. Why did I want it? The waving blade of the dagger was beautiful and sharp; it was meant for decoration but could cut just as easily. Mom hid it…but where? _I shouldn't want to know! _But I did, and I had been defeated because I was finally giving up and she had snatched away from my escape. I was fighting a battle I was losing, and I was being forced to keep struggling.

"You're looking for…this, aren't you?" I looked over to the source of the voice. That pulsing agony shot through me again as I saw Xemnas with my dagger in his hand. I was almost angry; I'd always had a thing about people not touching my stuff. And that dagger was actually special to me; it had been a gift from Onii-chan, so…I started towards him because he had the handle facing me like he was offering to give it back, but when I reached for it he raised it up out of my reach, with a soft, "Ah-ah-ah." The kind of sound you make out of habit when a small child does something that is a no-no; the sound Xemnas made when he was eating at the table and Sarah was trying to get into his lap. I found myself reaching anyways, even as he placed a hand on my left shoulder and pushed me down, keeping me on the floor when I tried to get on my toes. My left hand was pressed against his chest as a brace as I tried to force myself up against the hand pushing me down, my right hand stretching, fingers reaching, until my strength failed me and I sagged against him, sobbing through my teeth.

"I don't wanna be here anymore…" I nearly whined. A plea for sympathy. Mercy. Something I knew I shouldn't want and wouldn't get from him of all people, but asked for nonetheless. "It hurts…I don't want to do this anymore."

"I know."

"I _can't._"

"You're stronger than this. You can."

"I don't want to keep trying," I whispered shakily, my eyes closing.

"We don't always want to do what we must, now do we?"

"It's not fair…"

"Life never is. I know."

"Death is fair."

"And how would you know that?"

"…" I couldn't think of a reason right away…I realized that my breathing had stopped hitching, inhaling and exhaling to match Xemnas' ever-steady breathing pattern. Beneath my fingers I felt his heart beating, the organ not usually thought of when the word 'heart' is spoken. "I've had past lives."

"I see…do you remember what happened after death?"

"No."

"It only sent you back…and that's what will keep happening, again…and again…and again." There was a soft clatter—he'd set the dagger down?—and his arms went around me, one around my mid-back area, and one around my shoulders. My head hurt and my throat hurt and my eyes hurt, all because I had been crying…but the tension around my heart and my stomach eased little by little, and the only sounds I could hear were my own breaths and Xemnas' heart.

My thoughts weren't thoughts at all, but a song; Breath Me.

Music and a voice, warmth and a heartbeat.

Serenity.

_Thank you._

_I_

Beth was angry when the alarm went off Saturday morning, and demanded I get it. But that was okay, I was getting up anyhow. So I slid off of my bunk, stepped onto the floor, and hit snooze before flicking the switch over to the side. My entire _being _protested getting up this early on a Saturday. I didn't need to; I had been through hell and back the night before, so I had a bad headache and my nose was stuffy.

I got into the bathroom, greeted my cat while stripping out of my pajamas, started hot water, and dropped my PJs on the counter. I turned off the hot water, waited thirty seconds, and turned it back on (it makes the water hotter). I quickly brushed out my hair before continuing in what I wanted to be my Saturday morning 'ritual.'

Things around me changed, so I figured I should change a little too.

Fresh and clean after about forty-five minutes, I ran out of the bathroom in my PJs again, only to strip down and redress in clean clothes when I got to my room.

"What the hell are you _doing?_" Beth grumbled, picking her head up for a moment to give me a funny look.

"Starting over."

"…Okay…have fun with that." She rolled over.

"I love you," I said as I pranced out of my room.

_I_

"Morning," I said before I was even all the way down the stairs.

"Good morning," Xemnas replied, his voice holding an unusual tone of surprise. He smiled very briefly in greeting when I looked at him. It struck me how big a change there had been when I watched him for a second. But then I turned and walked into the kitchen, getting coffee and fixing it to my liking. I walked into the dining room again, setting my coffee cup down carefully in my usual spot and going to the cabinet, getting my antidepressants, my allergy pill, and two Excedrin Migraine for my headache. Xemnas didn't even bat an eyelash funny at me when I popped the handful of pills into my mouth, took a swig of coffee, and swallowed. I had to drink a little more coffee because the allergy tablet didn't go down (it usually didn't, and it always left an awful taste in my mouth).

I sighed, sitting down finally.

"Feeling better?" Xemnas asked, glancing up briefly from an old book that he had prob—wait. Was that…nah, I didn't see the cover well. It was paperback, so he had to keep it pushed down with one finger, and his chin was resting on his other fist.

"I think so…" I said softly. "That wouldn't happen to be _Midnight Enchantment, _would it?"

"Think so?" he asked softly, "You don't know how you feel, or…and yes, yes it is."

"I dunno. I have to think for a while some of the time to figure out what I feel." I paused, smiling. Two conversations at once… "Haven't gotten around to reading that one yet."

"I see…well, as long as you don't hurt…it's better," Xemnas murmured. "Your sister recommended it. But aren't you a bit young to be reading these?"

I very nearly choked on my coffee. I'd been reading lemons since I was like…ten. "No," I gurgled through my coffee, quickly snatching up a napkin to catch the liquid dribbling down my chin. Xemnas chuckled and shook his head and looked at me like I was a looney.

"What is so funny about the question?" he questioned. Clearly he had no idea how twisted and corrupt my mind was. I mean, I was a hormonal teenager going through puberty. This was to be expected.

"I was ten when I happened upon a sex scene in a story I was reading," I said softly, like I was afraid mom would hear. "But you _don't _know that. Kay?"

Though clearly it…disturbed him, if even just a little, he nodded. "You never told me."

There was a comfortable silence between us, for a while. But I couldn't help but notice how he looked so content, reading a book that most men would hide to read. My brother wouldn't be caught DEAD reading a romance novel like _Enchanted Night._ It was…admirable, how he was so unabashed when I pointed the book out. But 'admirable' wasn't the word I was looking for.

_It's cute…_

And then…I looked at his coffee. "You added creamer," I blurted without a thought.

"I thought I'd try something a little different this morning."


	5. Cold

It wasn't too far into the morning when Xemnas got up, and took his cup into the kitchen. For a moment I thought he was getting more coffee, but then I heard the water running. Then, shortly after, he came back out, a hand patting my head as he passed, and I turned my head, blinking a little from that pat, watching him pull his coat from the hanger.

"Going somewhere?" I asked, standing up.

"I've got an earlier shift on Saturdays," Xemnas replied, smiling as if this was a regular routine he'd been through a thousand times.

"Oh, okay," I said, before taking a few steps towards him and holding my arms out expectantly. He stared, obviously confused. And so I said, "Hug." Every time I left somewhere I'd hug mom, or Beth if I wasn't going to see her for a day or two, but she was usually sitting down and didn't feel so much like getting up (though usually I didn't go without her…). My smile widened, and I realized it had been on my face for a while now. "Nobody has to know."

Xemnas seemed to relax a little, no longer so confused, and smiled down at me, coming over and closing the gap, leaning down and putting an arm around my shoulders while I got on my toes. "You _do _know I'm coming back in a few hours…"

"Yep," I said, releasing my hold on him so I could fall back to my normal level, and he straightened up. "I'll still miss you." I figured…well, since he hadn't had a heart in years, he might need reminding of that little fact.

"You're so…" He seemed so puzzled. I laughed.

"Weird?"

"No…open."

_I am? _Strange…most people found me hard to read because I'm usually so withdrawn… "Oh, okay," I said despite my surprise. "Well…have a good day, okay?"

"Alright. Take care, be good." And with that and a smile, Xemnas was out the door, letting a chilly breeze in only briefly. It smelled like winter. And suddenly my heart hurt. I placed my hand over my chest and looked down. _Be good, huh. He really does think I'm a kid. _It was almost depressing in a way, but then again it didn't surprise me, the way I had cried all over him the night before. Why he came up after me was a mystery as far as I was concerned. He hadn't needed to. _He claims not to 'feel,' so he shouldn't be able to care… _So many questions. So many 'why's. He clearly hadn't been _taunting _me with my dagger…had he wanted me to break? No…no, he wasn't sadistic. He wasn't like that anymore.

"_Depression is like picking a scab over an infected cut," _mom had said, "_it hurts, but you have to do it so you can disinfect it."_

He broke me to fix me.

But…can you break something that's already broken?

_This isn't going to change anything._

That's what I had thought, wasn't it? I still hurt, I still dreaded waking up in the morning to the _same old thing, _but things weren't the same anymore. Because every time I got up I could look forward to quiet moments just sitting with Xemnas, waiting for mom to wake up, drinking coffee and smiling…and then going to therapy and having to bring up everything that had hurt me, everything that makes me break down just enough so that I cry in front of them, and I come home angry, exhausted, only to have it leave, or at least pushed to the back of my mind, when Xemnas gets home from work. _Xemnas gets home…did I really just think that? _I nearly laughed. _Yes, home._ _This is his home._

_I_

The phone rang. And it rang again. And I waited, hearing mom say "hello." I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Honey, it's for you?" Mom called. I quit fixing my coffee.

_Oh God. _"Who is it?" I walked over to get the phone.

"It's Jordan."

_Oh God._ I love Jordan to pieces, and it wasn't even that she rambled on for ages that I dreaded talking to her. I've always hated talking on the phone in general. It just…gets boring really fast. And I always get nervous. I smiled anyways and thanked Mom, putting the phone to my ear. "Hey Jordan." She and Taylor were my only black friends at school. It bugged me because I had grown up with both black and white friends, and now there was so little variation.

"Hey, Tory." Her tone, strange, made me smirk a little. She sounded out of breath, and like she had been laughing really hard. "Oh God. You will _not _believe what just happened."

"Eh, heh, heh…heh…" It was an awkward laugh, but it was genuinely amused. "Oh, my. Well, try me."

"Okay, so I just got back at from grocery shopping with mom."

My eyebrows rose. "'Kay?"

"There was this dude working at the cash register…and he totally looked like he was cosplaying as Xemnas. No joke. It was AMAZING." And I couldn't help it. I doubled over, laughing so hard but silently, my eyes squeezing shut. "And he was _really _nice." I braced one hand on the counter, trying not to let my knees buckle. I squeaking sound made its way out of my throat. "Tory?"

I snapped. I was _hollering _with laughter, having to sit down on the floor because I couldn't _breathe _because I was laughing so hard, and my gut hurt, and I fell to my side, the phone still clutched to my ear.

"I know, right? It was AWESOME!"

"Jordan!" I squeaked, finally getting _some _control over myself. "That's the dude I found at the lake! Oh my GOD, of all the days you could have gone shopping…" I was laughing again, and Sarah and Gabby both came over, trying to wash my face, so I had to sit up.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN-…wait, guy you found at the lake?"

"Did you see the news about some chick finding a dude passed out by the lake?"

"…Oh my God. That was _you?_"

"YES!" I screeched, throwing my head back and bonking it against the fridge, but I was laughing so hard I didn't _care _anymore.

"Who _is _he?" Jordan said, her tone taking on shock and excitement and curiosity all at once.

"It's XEMNAS," I laughed, "I'm serious, I promise. He lives with me now!"

"_No _way!"

Jordan (aka Axrjond, as I had dubbed her) was one of the biggest KH fans I knew, and she was utterly amazing, and I trusted her with all my secrets because she was _amazing _and loved me and cared.

"Yes way," I laughed, trying to catch my breath. "Please don't spread it around, though, the last thing we need is for him to be bombed by reporters and fans…"

Silence. And then, laughter, and a loud _thump _that made me wince. Jordan had, if I was correct, fallen off of her bed. I grinned and giggled, satisfied by the reaction. Because I didn't have to ask if she believed me. Jordan didn't often think too far into the future, or what things really _meant _in the cosmic way.

"That is SO awesome," Jordan spoke with a smile clear in her voice. "I won't tell anyone else, I promise." And it was official that she wouldn't, because Jordan hadn't broken a promise to me yet. And I had confidence that she never would.

"Thanks…" And I laughed again, then, because I was reminded of Jordan's excitement, and she started laughing again too, and I looked into the dining room, grinning while mom raised an eyebrow at me.

_I_

It was amazing, how I felt so alive. I had a bit more energy, and I was playing around and hopping and clapping my hands and getting the dogs all riled up, and I was taking more time to pet them, and brush Gabby like she really needed.

But the one thing that could get them away from me when I was driving them all to insanity was the door opening, to which they reacted with absolute glee, and Sarah rushed over to meet her new favorite person at the door.

"Welcome home," I laughed, shaking my head and picking Sarah up to bring her to eye-level…or at least closer; Xemnas had six inches or more on me. And there was that smile that seemed too genuine to be from someone without a heart.

"Thank you," he sighed, as if…relieved. He stroked the top of Sarah's head fondly, and she wiggled in my arms, trying to hop up towards him, but instead I knelt down and put her on the floor.

"Of course," I breathed, standing up straight and brushing off dog hair from my sleeves. Sarah didn't usually shed much, but I'd been playing with Gabby. I gave Xemnas room to get his jacket and boots off, running into the kitchen to make him coffee on a random urge I had felt. Xemnas had walked to and from work, and it was a pretty long way. Mom had offered more than a few times to drive him, but he insisted on walking, so…I could at least make him coffee when he got home. I only put in one scoop of creamer and one of sugar, because I made my coffee REALLY sweet, and didn't want to have to worry about doing that to Xemnas' coffee. I brought it out to him, and he had already sat down, actually looking a little tired.

"You didn't have to," he chuckled as I set it in front of him, but after a moment, he added, "Thank you."

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to though, and you're welcome." I made coffee for my mom all the time when she got home from long drives, or just had had a hard day in general. "I hope I didn't make it too sweet…"

"It's fine, thank you."

"Xemnas."

"Hm?"

"You really don't need to keep thanking me. You're welcome. But really." I laughed.

"I don't need to, but I want to."

I rolled my eyes. "That's…foul play."

"I think it's perfectly fair to turn an opponent's attack against them." He was relating my tease-argument with him to battle?

"It's hard, though…not that I would know for real, but…I know." I shrugged…and then I remembered. "Did you see a black girl, with her mother today?"

"You could be a bit more specific." He smirked and raised an eyebrow at me, sipping on his coffee. I sighed and put my hands on my hips.

"Jordan is a bit taller than I am, built a little bit sturdier, probably wearing a hoodie, she usually has her hair back in a braid, and _should _be wearing a white headband. And her mom looks young enough to be her sister."

"I did," he said with a nod.

"Well. _That _is my friend Jordan." I wandered into the kitchen, getting my own mug to fix my coffee. After pouring it I'd have to start a new pot. "And she called a couple hours ago. She said that, while she was at the store, she saw a guy that _really _looked like Xemnas. She was impressed."

A soft chuckle. "And what did you tell her?"

"I told her the truth." I smiled and peaked around the corner. "Don't worry. She's a fan, and has the same views I do…" I paused, and once I was done stirring the sugar in, I set the spoon aside and began the process of starting a new pot of coffee. Dump the grounds, get a new filter, put fresh grounds in, fill pot up to the ten mark with water, dump water in the top, put pot on heating pad, hit the "on" switch and close the flap. "I anagrammed her name, you know. Hers and mine both."

"Anagrammed?" Xemnas echoed. He probably had an idea of what I was talking about…

"Yep. And put the X in. My Nobody-name is 'Xiactorvi.' Hers is 'Axrjond'. They actually, honestly, both took me about…twenty minutes. Each."

"You seem to have had an interest in the Organization." Xemnas sounded almost…sad.

"…Yeah," I admitted, grabbing my coffee and heading back to the table. "Obsessed, maybe…I-I know that sounds creepy, but…" I took a sip of my coffee and sighed. "I would wish so often I could have been there."

"You couldn't have changed my mind back then," Xemnas said after a moment of silence. I swallowed another gulp of coffee and looked over to him. He was looking at me, and he was serious, and calm. "You couldn't have stopped our downfall."

"I could have stopped Sora, maybe…not with battle, with words. He's a good kid. He just…" Another drink of coffee. "I could have…I would have tried. But it doesn't matter. It's in the past, and I can't let that hurt me, because you're…you're here now." I took another swig of coffee when it was done, then went over to mom's computer and sat down, pulling up YouTube as quickly as I could quick and type. "Come here please." And without a word, Xemnas did as I asked, and didn't dawdle.

I typed in "Xemnas' Greatest Moments" in the search bar.

"…The use typed obsessed wrong."

"I know." I watched it load quickly. AxelObcessed on YouTube had done this video…And the very first thing was "Dramatic Turn of Doom Xemnas."

Xemnas sighed when Donald quacked out, _"It's the guy who's NOT Ansem!"_

And then, the title of the next clip was shown. "Child-Molester Smile Xemnas."

"This," I said, as Mickey shouted 'Xehanort,' "Is why I didn't think you were you."

"…Did…I really look like that?"

And I nodded. "That, Xemnas, is what we call a Rape Face."

The clips went on, and it only got better…or worse.

"I'm _very _certain I did NOT look like that-"

"You did."

"Do I…still do that?" He meant the 'overly-dramatized hand gesticulation' one. "Did I…_actually _do that?"

"You don't anymore, no…but you did. And it was amazing. You were comical relief even when I was panicking because I couldn't move enough to keep you off my ass while I was fighting you. In the game." After a second I turned to Xemnas because I had gotten no reply. "…You okay?"

He had a very…strange expression. It was between wanting to laugh and wanting to face-palm. "I…think I'm better than I _was_. But now, I am…a bit concerned."

It was…so odd. And so I closed down the YouTube page, stood up, turned to face Xemnas and, though I hesitated for a moment, I put my hand on his shoulder. "Whatever happened, happened already. I just figured after…well, my blowing up at you at first…needed an explanation. And what better to explain with than everything I expected to see had I imagined Xemnas showing up…and I'm sorry. Don't be self-conscious, okay?"

"I'm not sure what to say about that, though." He actually chuckled and shook his head.

"Like the user stated in the end, she would pay you to narrate her life. I actually thought it was pretty cool back then, but I like you more like this. I think Beth would have beaten you with a stick if you were still out to complete Kingdom Hearts…But we have your back now. All of us. Most of the people I know are behind you."

_I_

The water was frozen. Or at least, it was on top. I poked at it with a fallen branch a little thicker than my wrist, and then brought it above my head and smashed it downward, only to have the stick bounce off. I stepped down off the little ledge of dirt onto it, holding my breath for a moment. I stepped a little further, and then stopped. I could see that the lake wasn't entirely covered in ice yet. It was a relatively small lake, but…it would take an hour or two to swim across (for me, at least), if I were to try it, but obviously because it was winter, I wouldn't be that stupid.

One step after another. I felt…strange, when I walked on ice. I got a thrill from standing on it, because I knew in the back of my mind, it could crack and break, and I would be submerged in the water, and be cold and wet and have to run home very quickly.

Mom called me an adrenaline junky, and I knew as I took more steps out; it was just as bad as a drug addiction, because this was dangerous in another way.

Because the moment I heard a _crunch _I whipped around, trying to go back, but my foot went slipping out beneath me, and I fell forward, crashing on my left side, but the ice no more broke my fall than the freezing water beneath it.

The water was so cold it was painful, and I had had the wind knocked out of me from my failed landing, and my left side ached, and the weight of my heavy coat was dragging me down.

_If you want to, do it._

I needed air. My lungs hurt. My body hurt. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you think you're about to die, but it didn't for me; I only saw my uncle's ugly face and dark eyes glaring at me disapprovingly, his ugly finger pointing at me, accusing me of giving in without a fight. I saw my sister-in-law yelling at me to get to work, I saw my brother and my mom screaming at each other, I saw my sister yelling that I'm not a quitter and heard myself screaming back _I can't live to make you happy anymore._

The last bit of air in my lungs forced itself out through my lips, and I watched bubbles floating towards the patch brighter than the rest of the lake.

_Let's see…now, what color did you see when I hit your back?_

_Blue._

_Oh, okay. You're going to die by either drowning…or be boiled in a pot._

My sister was always right…about everything. She was perfect; the child I could never be. She was sunshiny and cheery, and everybody loved her…I was the forgotten one; I was the one sitting in a corner, content, watching while all the boys ask Beth to go to a dance with them and she would unabashedly, but kindly, say that she has a boyfriend of four years and can't.

I saw her, hauling out my body herself, crying and crying and screaming and angry and scared.

I saw mom, crying.

I saw Papa dying in the hospital, giving up because I was _his _favorite, and because Mom had had to tell him that I had drowned.

I saw Leah, reading Beth's message that I had drowned.

I saw Robert, hugging Beth and crying as she cried, and Kelley crying to because she really did love me even though Beth was her favorite, I saw my nephews both in tears even though TJ was trying not to.

I saw Meghan on the phone with mom, and instantly flying into a fit of tears because I said I _won't be dying any time soon _and failed her.

I saw Hannah. I saw Jordan. I saw Gretchen, I saw Ryan, I saw Audi and Taylor and Tyler and Joanna and TJ…

And then I saw Beth smiling, saying she didn't like me sometimes, but she'd always love me no matter what happened.

And then the pain in my chest was there again, but not my heart this time, my lungs, my lungs, they needed _air _because it was vital to mankind, I felt like I was suffocating because I _was, _because I couldn't breathe or else I'd die faster, and I began to struggle against the cold, struggle against the pain, and I broke the zipper trying to get out of my coat but I didn't _care _because it was sinking to the bottom now without me, and I didn't _care _that now I was in a tank top in the middle of winter, because I was going to die before I was supposed to if I had let it drag me down.

The last moments before I reached the surface were the worst, because I could swear I had seen red because I was so dizzy, but my head burst above the water, and the ache was relieved, but the wind was cold and there was a snowstorm I hadn't heard about before blowing in. And the cold was worse out of the water as I climbed out onto the ice that had tried damning me to the depths of the lake, crawling on my numb hands and knees until I had caught my breath enough to get to my feet, and I staggered, coughing, shivering, crying, back onto the spot I had found Xemnas, the solid ground, and I hauled myself up. Snow…cold…so cold.

It was all I could smell; cold winter air. It was all I could feel. Cold, cold, cold. All I could breathe.

Cold.

_I_

I barely managed to open the storm door, and I could hardly turn the doorknob, and I could hear Gabby barking and I could hear the dogs coming to the door, and the sound made my purple lips turn upward into a small smile, and the door was only opening because I was falling, and my weight was pushing it, and I was on the floor, gasping, and there was lots of shouting, and I could hear voices but no words, because my head was flooded with _cold._

I wasn't on the floor anymore, and there was a voice, it was my sister, it was Beth, and I couldn't understand what she was saying but it didn't matter because I could hear her and I could feel _I love you _in every word she spoke.

I realized numbly that I was in the bathroom, and Beth was stripping my freezing clothes off and mom was turning on the water in the tub, and then I was lifted and put down in the water, and it was _warm, _but I was still cold; I'd been frozen to my core but I was alive and now I was safe because I was _home_.

"I love you," I managed to say, reaching up to touch my cold fingers to Beth's cheeks.

She started to cry.

_I_

"Don't you think she should go to the hospital?"

"She has a bit of frostbite, at best, but right now I don't think it would be a good idea to rush her in." It was strange, hearing Xemnas saying that.

"She nearly drowned! She might have pneumonia!"

"Beth, he's right."

"But mom…"

I blinked and lolled my head to the side, groaning quietly. They were being so loud…I pulled my blanket up, shivering. My fingers and toes, and the tip of my nose and the tops of my ears were all frostbitten, and super-sensitive. Once I had been aware enough to understand, mom made me breathe in steam so the damage to my lungs hopefully wouldn't be permanent. But she had said I was probably gonna hurt from the frostbite for a while, and breathing would hurt (and believe me; it did), but hopefully it had been treated fast enough so that I would recover quickly.

"We'll see how she's doing in the morning."

I rolled over so I was facing the wall, and tried to block out their voices. I didn't want to think, because I knew it hurt them that I had probably almost died out there. I hadn't explained what had happened yet…because they hadn't asked, and I was too tired to try saying it all.

Hell, I was still trying to put it together myself. It seemed so dream-like, so surreal…

Being so close to death…it was frightening…

But living through it…it was thrilling.

I hadn't given up on my life.

That was good enough.


	6. Ghosts

It was about nine-thirty AM when I awoke, feeling exhausted and sore. And I tried to take in a breath, but it ended up turning into a rattling cough that felt like it was tearing up an already sand-papery-feeling throat. "Oh _God,_" I groaned, wondering how I'd sleepy so long with my chest hurting so much. And it was so cold…whimpering pathetically, I curled into myself, yanking the blanked over my head. But I could only lie there for twenty more minutes before I _had _to get up…_I should really hot water and breath the steam…like mom said._

And so, I did…very regretfully and begrudgingly. I had to leave my warm bed, get dressed in clothes that _were not warm _because I hadn't been in them, and run to the bathroom and brush my hair and all that jazz before running the hot water. I leaned over the sink, taking deep breaths, holding it, and letting it out…and coughing again, because my lungs hurt and apparently weren't taking well to deep breathing. And it hurt, badly, but I needed to do this or I'd have trouble with cold weather forever like Beth, who had…sacrificed her lung health to keep my horse moving so he wouldn't get sick.

But I had to do things…I had to live for everyone around me, if not for myself. I felt it was unfair and a little selfish…but if I were to leave them all behind…I would never forgive myself. And that…would keep me going until I found something for _me _to live for…something I wanted to live for.

Or maybe I already had something to live for that I _wanted _to live for, and it had been in front of me for a while. Something fate had tossed my way when I was giving in. Someone. It was Xemnas. Was…I supposed to do something? Or was it just a higher power saying, "Here, don't kill yourself, see what you can make of this." But then I groaned and sighed, knowing that it wasn't the case. Nothing big was going to happen, it was just luck that Xemnas had fallen from the abyss to our world…amazing luck…

I smiled then, because I was happy either way. Even if he wanted to leave someday (I'd be sad, though) it would be okay, because he'd gotten the chance he'd deserved, so personally I thought it would be fine if he left…Xemnas was different now…so he wouldn't hurt anyone.

_I_

"_A follow-up report on the man found by the lake when we come back."_

Click.

"_Gaaary, I'm hoo—oome!"_

I sighed. I loved Spongebob, but…I was tired of that being the only good cartoon besides the horrible English dub of Bleach.

"Did you seriously skip hearing what they have to say about you and Xemnas for this?" Beth asked, coming over and sitting down on the couch next to me.

"What's there to hear? That we both refused to talk?" I snorted. "Beth, I don't want to hear them dramatize it." I was pissed off enough that they'd found me. How they did it, I didn't know, but apparently they came to the door about two hours after I'd gotten home the night before and Beth said NO and shut them out.

"Oh, baby." Beth patted my head. "Aren't you a _little _curious?"

"_Fine._"

Click.

We watched a few commercial before they flashed their news station sign. We waited a few moments as they recapped their last story.

"_And now, the follow-up on the man found near the lake about two and a half weeks ago:_

_Though no names are being released, we've received reports that the high school student that found the man took him in when he was released from hospitalization. Though this isn't a normal case, it is said that the man was an amnesiac, and when no family came forward to claim relations, arrangements were made for the man to move in with the family."_

"_Sweet girl. Trusting, and maybe not the smartest choice, but she definitely has a kind heart."_

"_That's right, Jonathan. Our request for an interview was however…" _I watched the woman on the TV pause, smirking like she had heard about Beth's snarled reply and how she slammed the door in their faces. _"—refused. However, we have also received another odd report; the girl who had found the man was spotted walking through town, appearing like she had taken a nasty plunge, and wearing only a tank top and jeans."_

"One of the reporters must have followed you home," Xemnas said from the other room.

"They could have at least offered me a ride…" I murmured, chuckling, and then coughing, covering my mouth.

"Would you have accepted it from a stranger?"

"If it was a news van, yes," I responded softly, not straining myself (but he could hear me…apparently he had _really _good hearing, and that could probably explain why he could usually hear it and call me on it when I muttered something about Beth when she walked away after telling me to do a chore…).

"Point taken."

"_Well, let's hope she made it home quickly, it was chilly outside yesterday!"_

I sighed. "Now can I watch the stupid sponge?"

"Yep," Beth replied, laughing a little. "I'm glad you're okay…"

"Thank you."

And then, she asked, "What…exactly happened, anyways?"

"…I was walking on thin ice," I admitted, tugging the blanket tighter around my shoulders. "And I heard it cracking…I tried to turn back, but…I slipped, and fell, and the ice broke…and the coat was so heavy it was dragging me down…"

The cold, the dark blue of the water I was sinking into, the bubbles floating through my line of vision…it was so dream-like, thinking back on it…I was almost willing to do it again, if I could _not _drown. The falling at such a slow rate…the sinking, floating, just simply existing like that… I'd had dreams like it before…I'd had quite a few dreams similar like that…such as one of floating in a cloudy abyss with thunder booming not far away. Paradise. I loved thunder, and lightning, and just the steady sound that reminded me of a heartbeat. Being able to just…go away into my mind where nobody could find me. Granted, I'd almost died, but thankfully I'd gotten my head clear soon enough to get working on swimming to the surface. It was a miracle in itself I'd decided not to just take a deep breath of air and kill myself.

_I_

When three o'clock rolled around, mom and Beth went to the hospital to see Papa while Xemnas and I held down the fort. So needless to say, the house got very quiet, and I got very bored. I knew I couldn't do much, but I figured I could play Revenant Wings, if nothing else. Then again I didn't want to get up from the couch, and Xemnas was at his usual spot in the dining room, and I could see him, but I was still pathetically lonely…

"…Xemnas?" I called, getting off the couch with the blanket still clutched around my shoulders and dragging along on the floor. He looked up, probably a little…confused by my sad, whiny tone.

"What is it?" he asked, his tone soft and gentle.

"Will you come in and watch a movie with me?" I stared at him with the pouty lips and puppy eyes that always won my sister over when I was sick.

And, amazingly, it worked on Xemnas, too.

_I_

Not surprisingly, Xemnas recognized the characters from Hercules, and I confessed that Hades was my favorite. He wasn't a very good villain; he didn't strike fear into my heart or even creep me out like, say, Maleficent did (I hadn't watched that movie since I was five…I considered hunting it down so we could watch it after this), because Hades was…so funny. Sure he could be an ass, but he wasn't a monstrous villain overall.

Xemnas got a few chuckles here and there out of it, and mostly it was Hades that amused him. Words couldn't describe how happy I was to know that I hadn't dragged him into something that would bore him to insanity. BACK to insanity, I should say.

And then, the phone rang, and Xemnas started to get up but I shot up before he could and told him to watch the movie and that I'd get it.

I almost considered pressing the hang up button when I saw the name, to mute it.

Scott.

And I almost did…but then I told myself it was probably important, because Papa was in the hospital and he might have something important to say to mom even if I wanted nothing to do with the stupid bastard.

"Yes?" I deadpanned.

"Oh…hey, Tory." He sounded hesitant, like he didn't know what to say. Good. I didn't want to listen.

"Hello." My tone didn't change. I wasn't even going to pretend it was okay now and that I'd forgiven him, because he wasn't worth my effort.

"So uh…how're ya doing?"

"I'm fine…"

"That's…uh, good to hear." A long pause. I hoped he was feeling like shit about himself. "Your mom around?"

"No. She's at the hospital."

I didn't' even respond to his 'take care' after giving him mom's cell number, simply saying "bye" and hanging up.

But when I sat the phone back on the charger and went back over to the couch, my heart had sunk about twenty feet into the depths of depression.

"Who was it?"

"…Scott." Without a word, I leaned against his shoulder and went back to watching the movie with him. He didn't complain, nor did I feel any uncomfortable vibes coming from him.

But like that, it wasn't too hard to bring my mood back up to the point where I could laugh at Phil being a silly little goat-man.

_I_

Monday, the alarm clock went off, and Beth had to get ready for school, but I was still sick, and when she left, the alarm clock in mom's room didn't go off after that. And so I woke up at about eleven, and when mom came in to check on me she told me that she'd called the mental hospital to tell them I was sick and would be in tomorrow.

"And besides," she had added with a soft chuckle, "the roads are horrible."

Our van, putting it very nicely…was a piece of crap. I loved it though, and knowing we would have to get a new one soon was really sad. It was a big Chevy Astro or Astra or something; a red mini-van that mom had had since I was…what, eight? No, it had to be before that. Since I was six or seven. And it had been a well-used van before that.

And so part of my day was very quiet…until mom had gotten a call from Scott. I had gone down to ask her something random (I hadn't been getting much sleep, and I had bags under my eyes and wanted to know if it was very noticeable), when she was on the phone, and she had put a finger up for me to hold on a minute, and after standing there a couple moments while she sat in silence, listening to her younger brother, I went back upstairs. About fifteen minutes later, mom called from the bottom of the stairs, and I got up and went down.

"Papa's in the hospital," she said, obviously tense and worried. "He has pneumonia and sepsis. He's in critical condition right now, and Scott's been in there since this morning with him…says Pop's hooked up to so many machines he couldn't die if he wanted to."

"…What?" I breathed. It…but…it didn't make sense. I'd visited Papa only a few days before, and he had been fine. Sore, because he had fallen, and had a few Band-Aids in places he had scraped, but he was pretty comfortable. Mom said just the day after I had seen him, he had taken a turn for the worst, and that the nurses told Scott he was resting comfortably, but Scott went in and said Papa looked like he was dying, and she said that they were responsible for this because they didn't catch it sooner. He'd been in a long-term care place, and they had seemed so careful…but now…Mom was saying they were going to sue without a doubt if Papa didn't pull through.

"I'm going to go see him," mom stated, walking towards the coat rack to grab her jacket. "Do you want to come with me? I already left a note for Beth on the computer for when she gets back."

"I…think I should," I murmured, feeling my stomach twist up.

We got to the hospital not too long after that and what I saw killed any true hope I'd had that he would pull through.

Papa's eyes were barely open, but he wasn't even really conscious. He had tubes in his mouth, oxygen and feeding tubes, and was hooked up to multiple IVs and a heart monitor, and…and I thought he might already be gone from the world, even if he was still alive.

But then as mom went to one of his sides and took his hand, I took his other. She started talking to him, trying to keep casual-sounding, one-sided conversation, by telling him that his blood pressure was better than it had been. And she was saying, "Boy, Dad, you're awful pasty," and "Well jeez, Papa, I thought you wanted to come home by Christmas!"

He gave both of our hands a squeeze, and his mouth started moving like he was trying to talk. I started to tear up, and I squeezed his hand back gently.

We were there for a short time, though it seemed like it had lasted an eternity. I felt like I was going to puke, or cry, or both, if I didn't get out soon.

"I love you, Papa."

I was scared it would be the last time he would ever hear me say that.

And though I didn't know it that day, it was.

_I_

That night I was crying to Leah, and she actually found information that eased my worries about the financial trouble that would come about if Papa did die. She found out, that, according to the reverse mortgage, that if nothing else we had six months before we had to give up the house.

Also, Xemnas said he was sorry at one point, when I went to go get coffee from downstairs. When I asked him why, he said, "I know what it's like to lose someone you care for." And though technically I hadn't lost Papa yet, I knew what he meant.

"Thank you," I had replied quietly.

I knew it was true, that he had lost friends, but I wondered which one it was. It was almost enough to make me ask who he was referring to, but I didn't because I didn't want him to be sad…and well…even if he couldn't FEEL the sadness now, I knew he would still remember what it felt like. And I didn't want him to be sad anymore. I wanted him to live without sorrow, because after everything that he'd been through, he _needed _this.

_I_

Tuesday, I went to therapy again, because I was actually feeling somewhat decent. My sort-of-buddy there and I were the only ones in partial treatment, so we ended up going to hang out with the in-patients. It was a little more like school that partial was, and it freaked me out a little. But again, Molly was there, so it was okay. Molly was one of those girls that are freaking adorable BECAUSE they're chubby. And she had the sweetest smile, and I would have hugged her every day I saw her, but there was a no-patient-to-patient-contact rule for some reason. They said we weren't there to make friends, and that automatically said we weren't allowed to do so. Group activities are supposed bring people together, aren't they? So I didn't understand why we weren't allowed to hug each other.

Molly was being discharged that day, and I still wasn't sure when I was getting out, but no matter what would happen after that day, I wanted to spend time with her.

And so when we all went to the gym, she and I both went to get in line to play lightning with all the other kids. Usually I sat out until one of my friends poked at me enough to get me off my ass. It didn't take too much for them. And I had gotten good at basketball in the days I had spent at therapy; I'd even made a backwards shot. And believe me; I wasn't expecting it to go in. It wasn't a perfect shot, but it hit the rim and seemed to hesitate like it had a life of its own, before it had tilted inward and fallen through the hoop.

We weren't really competitive, but we were just competitive enough so to make it possible for us to really get our adrenaline rushing and for us to try to get a shot in before anyone else. I figured it wouldn't be too much for me to try and beat the other kids in lightning, but of course I didn't. Molly usually won though. It was really fun to watch her kick other kids' butts in lightning. Or at least I thought so. She was short, and adorable, and really smiley (she doesn't look like the type to need to be in therapy) but really good at basketball. Her coach at school said that she could get a scholarship for it. I would miss Molly, because we didn't exchange contact info. But I was so happy for her for getting out that day. One of the best parts of our basketball game was that Teenage Dream by Katy Perry started playing. Leah had gotten me into the song, and it was one of my favorites. Then again, Leah and I had similar tastes in music, so it really wasn't a big surprise.

That was also, to my surprise and delight, the day I was getting discharged. So while we were waiting for Molly's aunt to show up, mom and I talked to her. Mom really liked Molly, too, and was wishing her good luck after this.

But I could tell something was off, and mom waited until we got to the van to tell me.

_I_

"Papa died."

Mom's calm voice didn't surprise me. She was probably in shock, and though I instantly thought he's_ not coming back _but I wasn't surprised that I was numb to his death. Because honestly…I think I'd mourned his death when I saw him hooked up to all those machines.

"Well…" I knew mom was hurting. Her childhood had been screwed up because of Papa, because he was a control freak and could be really grumpy and cold, but he was a good person at heart. "He's not in pain anymore…"

"We wanted to honor his wishes, so we had him unhooked from the machines and IVs…and then he just kept breathing on his own…and it got slower and slower, and then after a while it stopped." She shrugged, but as she drove there was a distant look in her eyes. "Jack was there, too."

Jack was Papa's first son, and though they'd had their spats Jack was a good man (though he'd literally tried to kill mom when he was a stupid teenager, but mom had put that in the past and forgiven him) and loved him. All three of his children had gone to see him die.

Oh…I forgot to say it already. My grandmother died long before I was born. Heart problems had taken her life. She'd died not too long before Christmas. Just like Papa…

But I love my grandmother. I believed in ghosts, and still do, because I'd seen too many things happen that shouldn't happen if ghosts are supposedly not real. For instance, lights turning on, and then turning off, then back on. Doors had closed on their own, music boxes had started playing, a cup of colored pencils lifted and started swinging around, throwing them everywhere.

My grandmother followed me around a lot when I was a little girl. I would cry sometimes because I could feel her there but didn't see her, and now I feel bad about that because she probably felt guilty for scaring me. I felt, sometimes, as though I'd spoken to her. And I probably had in a dream. Mom had, multiple times.

Mom believes in ghosts too, and that her mom had stuck around for a long time, and still visits. The day after she died, she walked by in the hallway, and said there were things they needed to do. Both mom and Robert had heard it, and hit their doors at the same time to look for her.

Granny wasn't gone; she'd just left her body. She'd chased out a nasty _something _that had been in the basement when she died. I say something because mom and Aunt Sally don't know what it was. But they would be in the dining room, drinking coffee, and the basement door that had been locked with a slide-lock would _click _as the lock was undone, and open just a crack. And they'd run together to shut it, and then get the hell away from the door as fast as they could.

Mom never likes talking about it, because it was evil. And mom doesn't usually say that about those things. But it gave off a horrible, dreadfully foreboding feeling, like it was saying _I'm coming for you_, and I know that scared poor mom. So despite the fact that I was _terribly _interested in it, and wanted to figure out what it had been, mom STILL doesn't want to talk about it, and suggests I talk to Aunt Sally if I want to know more whenever I ask.

So yes, maybe I'm a nutcase, but I'm not bothered by people believing that. I don't care whether or not anyone else believes in ghosts, because if they say they don't, I'll shrug and smile, and say, "Sorry, I do though." Like my friend Laci didn't believe in ghosts and probably still doesn't. But her grandmother, who was very fond of me, did, and she found the story of the little kid ghost throwing the colored pencils around amusing.

We call the ghost Kiddo. He's about four years old as far as we can tell, and he picked Beth to be his person. At one point he's screamed, "Beth, help," from somewhere outside and we all heard it. I thought maybe it was Tristan, our younger nephew, but I went to see if he was okay, and he was playing with his legos inside, and hadn't made a sound for about half an hour.

So, all in all, even if my grampa was dead…he was still alive in his own right, just not in any more pain. They say when you die, you're thirty again. Apparently it seemed true whenever mom saw Granny.

Maybe that's why I…wasn't as sad as I should have been.


	7. Real

When Xemnas got home, mom explained what had happened, and once again he apologized for our loss, and I didn't stick around after I hugged him. I went out on a walk, but this time, I didn't go to the lake. I wanted to go somewhere a little further away than that, a place I'd been going to since before the lake, somewhere I remembered as a child, somewhere I could pretend I was young and I'd go home to see Papa. I stood at the end of our driveway in the cold, hating it, hating the snow that was falling, hating the chill, but knowing I needed to get past my hate.

When the traffic had ended and there was a gap in the stream of cars, I crossed the slush-covered road. _Salt is a mistake. When it melts, it freezes up._ People were stupid. I hated humanity so much. There were good people, but not enough. Earth was a tainted planet. And yet, I loved it for some reason. Because there _was _good…and I tried to focus. It had been hard, nearly impossible not too long before, but now I thought about Xemnas drinking coffee, smiling over at me out of the corner of his eye, and my friends who were worried about my absence.

I reached the road which had been covered in gravel, which had been dirt only four years before. It had been the last dirt road in the city, and I felt a sense of nostalgia that made me look back on times I would cross this road as a young child, close behind my sister. But I moved on, going passed a fence with an excited, barking dog behind it, and I paused and leaned down so it could sniff my nose through the fence, and it quieted, its tail wagging. If I had been a couple years younger than I was, I could have put my hand through the fence to pet it, but alas, they wouldn't fit anymore, and I could only pet the tip of the dog's snout. But after a moment I got up and walked on. This wasn't my stop just yet. I still had to cross a couple more roads.

As I reached the next crosswalk, waiting for the traffic to pause enough for me to get across, I realized that I hadn't gone anywhere outside alone, this far, without Beth, in years. Especially not in winter. It took a flame lit under my ass, usually, to get me out of the house in winter. But now I was wearing a light jacket with a hood, and a hat under it, and I was wearing gloves, and heavy boots. I was…okay right now.

I was on the right side of the road now, and only had one more street to cross. I didn't even have to pause because nobody really drove through that street, and I saw the big tennis court, caged in by high fences. Usually high fences like that freaked me out, but I never had a problem with that one in particular. I turned and descended down a sloping sidewalk, and when it leveled out I found myself looking over the playground, the green play structure and the swing sets a familiar sight that hadn't changed in years, and years, and years.

But there was someone on the swings, unmoving, his head lowered, and his half-gloved hands gripping the chains loosely. My heart jumped, and my stomach clenched for a moment, because I knew who it was, and instantly tried to deny it because it didn't make sense, but then again Xemnas didn't make any sense. But I was worried, as I approached him. He was in nothing but a sleeveless shirt and pants, nothing to cover his shoulders as the snow piled up on them and his head. When I stopped about five feet away from him, I said, "Riku?"

He picked his head up, and some of the snow blew off of his silvery hair from a change in the wind and his motion…he looked up at me, and then looked down.

"Sorry…but no." I wasn't sure what to say to that, because I had slipped into that dream-like state I'd felt when I'd seen Xemnas' beam sabers. "You've got the wrong guy." I understood what he meant by that.

I walked a little closer, and bent down and put my hands on my knees so I was closer to his level while he was slumped down like that. I'd thought about this a million times…thought about Repliku being not good enough for him because it meant Replica Riku. And I'd thought of a name that fit.

"Suna, then." I reached over and began brushing the snow from his hair and shoulders, smiling when he looked up, a little wide-eyed. Even through my gloves I could feel how cold his skin was, and my heart clenched again. I leaned closer yet and hugged him.

"…Suna?" he sounded confused, but he wasn't pushing me away like I thought he would. Rather, he shivered, and pressed instinctively closer. I knew what it was like to be freezing, and finally have something that was even a little warmer feel like heaven.

"It means sand. Riku means land. Is it okay, if I call you that?" I pulled back a little, and, despite what my mother would say when she saw me, I started unzipping my jacket, pausing to pull the boy to his feet. He was…a bit shorter than me…I wasn't expecting him to be so small.

"I…" I slipped my jacket off, and grabbed one of his arms and put it through the sleeve, before going to the other arm to repeat the process. "…Yeah…but…"

"You don't have to be Riku. You don't have to be his shadow anymore." I zipped the jacket up, and pulled off the outer layer of my gloves, which were fingerless. He didn't protest when I grabbed his wrist and lifted it, and actually slipped his hand into the glove. He did the same with the other, and I couldn't blame him for not protesting and complying instead. He was freezing out here. His lips were practically blue.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked quietly, sounding almost like he was broken. Again, when I pulled him towards me in a hug, he didn't pull away or even struggle. But he pressed his cheek against my arm and I took a moment to pull the hood up.

"Because it wasn't fair," I said, "And I can't leave you out here to freeze…" Not after what had happened to me. I would always remember the walk home, the daze, the frozen feeling of agony that nearly forced me to my knees before it was my time. He didn't even have a home now, nobody to turn to.

"Who are you?"

"Tory." I realized I was rubbing his shoulders, his arms, his back, trying to get his blood flowing normally. Trying to get heat back in his body. "I know it's weird…but can you trust me?"

"…I think so," he replied quietly. He sounded unsure, but still wasn't trying to get away from me. I knew I was probably confusing him, and maybe creeping him out just a bit, but he didn't seem to care because I was _warm _and again, I knew how it felt.

"Then come on. I don't live far from here." I let go of him, but then linked arms with him, and he clung to me like a child. I was thinking of all that he'd been through, how he'd been used…

Namine, Sora, and Riku…they were the only ones that had shown them kindness. He'd been beaten, bruised, and battered, trying to become his own person by defeating the original, but even so Riku hadn't put him down in his last moments. He needed this. He needed a home, a name, and he needed love.

And now, he wasn't Riku, or Repliku, but _Suna._ His own name.

"Let's go home, Suna…"

_I_

"Mom," I called as I pushed the door open, ignoring the dogs at my feet. Mom turned.

"Victoria Estelle, what happened to your-" and she froze as I pulled Suna into the house. He was hesitant, and obviously a little nervous about all the animals.

"I brought in another stray…" I said, and at that, I saw Xemnas turn around. His eyebrows shot up, because even from under the hood he clearly recognized the boy's face. "It's Suna." And then I guided him to the couch, and ran to make him some hot chocolate. On my way to the kitchen I smiled nervously to Xemnas, who was smirking, and his eyebrows were still high. He was amused.

"Vexen's replica," I said softly, digging through the cupboards.

_What are you gonna do when the others show up?_

I almost stopped in what I was doing, but shook my head and went on. I knew there was no way that Xemnas and Repli—Suna were the only ones that were showing up on Earth. So those two had landed in my neighborhood…Sheer luck. I'd need to search the internet for stories like mine around the world.

But Nobodies always seemed to find each other. I doubted this would be any different. There would be conflict if it happened, but I couldn't let it get out of hand. I'd throw my life on the line getting between them if I had to, but I _could not _watch them kill each other like animals again. I knew there was only so much I could do.

So I focused on the task at hand, making the water hot enough to dissolve the cocoa, stirring it in. I could do this; I could make Suna feel a little better, because he wasn't going to be a replica of _anyone _anymore. He only had to be himself. Carefully, smoothly, I walked through the dining room with the mug in hand, careful not to spill any. When I got into the living room I saw Beth sitting next to him and stroking his hair, and I couldn't quite pick up what she was saying, but mom was standing by, smiling, and occasionally saying something as well.

"Here," I said quietly, lowering the mug for him to take it. He looked at me, wide-eyed, and I could see the color returning to his cheeks. "It's okay. It's hot chocolate." I knew Suna had never had a chance to have any. But he had at least some of Riku's memories, still, and Riku _must _have had hot cocoa before. And he took it carefully, and I still smiled.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"Of course," I replied. I gently ruffled his hair, and after that he took a sip of the cocoa. "Okay…we won't be far, but I wanna give you some time to settle down." I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, knowing there was no way in _hell _mom was going to kick him out. She had to recognize him. I'd told her a million times of 'Repliku's story.

Beth got up as well, and mom went back to her computer after telling him, "Just take a little time to warm up, sweetie." Beth went to her corner in the side of the living room where the bird cages sat, behind the bird cage, where her computer was, and I went back into the dining room after kicking my boots off.

"You're incredibly trusting," Xemnas said softly, obviously meaning well by it.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. I pulled my gloves off, setting them on the table. My hands were colder than they usually were. "I just…I know him. I know him like I did you."

"I never heard anything of this replica," he stated quietly. "I suppose this happened in Castle Oblivion…"

"Yeah. Is it…okay?"

"Hm?" He actually looked up from his coffee, looking as normal as ever.

"Is it okay that he's here now?" I asked, worried. I knew Riku and Sora had defeated Xemnas, so I felt maybe he'd be bothered by a replica of a younger Riku living in the house.

"The more the merrier," he chuckled softly. I pouted, raising a pseudo-angry eyebrow at him. "Honestly, Tory, I truly don't see anything wrong with it." I sighed softly and crossed my arms on the table, leaning my head down to rest on them.

"I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't feel awkward with him around," I laughed quietly. "Empathy, and sympathy, and having a soft heart on top of everything…stories like his make me want to hug him all the time and protect him from the world." I knew that if it weren't for Xemnas' stability and naturally calm demeanor, I would have hugged him all the time…more so than I did already. "Kinda like you…"

"Oh?" If it had been anyone besides Xemnas (or Leah) saying that, it would have seemed disinterested and even a tad bored. But thankfully, I knew he was curious, because he seemed to have a strange urge to find way to figure out how what I thought connected to how I felt. Or I was looking too far into things. Which was often the case.

"Well…you had nowhere to go, either…and you had been misunderstood right up to the very end like he had. I don't think it's very fair…he'd been used as a tool by so many people, and then just…faded. A lot like Nobodies." I realized as I said it, I hated the term 'Nobody.' So what if they didn't have hearts? "You're still people. You still have rights. You still have lives…" I got up. I needed coffee. But I kept ranting. "I don't get it! Why didn't they know that?"

"Tory…it already happened," Xemnas said coolly.

"I know, I know!" I replied, angry not at him, but at Ansem and Sora and even Riku. And Mickey, and Donald, and Goofy. And believe me; it was hard to get me pissed off at Mickey Mouse. "But still! They all have common sense. Sora's a dope, but darn it, Riku should have thought up something! And _MICKEY. _My God, some king HE is! Just as blind as the rest of them!"

"Honey," mom said.

"_Mom. Xemnas. _Look at what they did. Mom, it was practically genocide. They killed off all the Nobodies JUST because they didn't like what they were doing! They could have at least _tried _to understand what the Nobodies were thinking, couldn't they?"

"Tory, you need to consider I slaughtered hundreds, maybe thousands, of innocent people via swarms of Heartless, just so they could become Heartless as well, just so I could use the Keyblade masters to release the hearts and form Kingdom Hearts."

I was noisily stirring my coffee. "But…it's not your fault! You're not evil like they made you out to be! You're not even the crazy creep they made you out to be! I _saw _it from their point of view, and yes, by human standards, what you did was horrible, but they had _no right _to decide that you didn't matter just because you didn't have hearts."

"I was a fool, Tory." I paused, looking at Xemnas as he stared at me from where he sat. "Would you not have stopped me?"

I looked at my pale coffee, and took a swallow of it. "No." I joined him at the table. He looked…confused, almost shocked by my response to the question. "I would have tried to find another way. I would have gladly played the villain to try helping you." Another sip of coffee, and I noticed that my hands were shaking pretty badly. And then, something inside of my soul untangled and straightened out. "But…it's over."

"Indeed." He hadn't once said 'indeed' like he used to. Especially not since the Xemnas' Greatest Moments video. And then I had to set my coffee down so I wouldn't spill it, because I was laughing in an instant. And Xemnas knew why, and he sighed and face-palmed.

And things were okay. We had another member of the family. I would let him leave, of course, if he sought freedom, but Suna finally had a place to rest. A place to come back to. A place to make memories of his own, somewhere Riku had never been.

I practically _itched _to go in and check on Suna, but I needed to give him at least a little time. After all, there had been a huge change for him. I'd practically adopted him on the spot, though he certainly didn't seem to mind. He'd looked like a little porcelain doll sitting all alone, with his pale skin, silver hair, and pretty aquamarine eyes, out there in the snow. And maybe I was foolish, not giving him a choice, but then again he could have protested, could have fought me, could have beaten me to death, if he had wanted to. I'd thought he'd needed me though…

But oh, Leah would laugh when she heard about it. And I'd likely never hear the end of her calling me cute and cuddly and snuggly. Someday it would get me killed; I was sure.

"You drink coffee as a nervous habit," Xemnas stated suddenly, and I looked at him. I tried to say something, but I was confused, and I looked down, blushing. "You did that when your uncle came over as well." Mom started laughing quietly, and I half-glared at both her and Xemnas.

"Creepers," I muttered. "Stop watching me…" I hid my face in my arms again, my cheeks burning. Beth and Chelly stared at me all the time when I ate, and always commented on how cute I looked. I felt so awkward about eating and drinking in front of other people. But I found myself half-grinning as I picked my head up, and Xemnas chuckled.

Oh! Right, Chelly. Michelle. She had gotten into college that year, and had often tried convincing me that college is _fun._ And no. I don't believe her. I never will. But I'd known her since I was eight or nine. She was Beth's friend first, but we'd all buddied up.

Everything seemed okay, then. And I knew things would change. But that was okay, because I was sure that I could deal with it. With my new antidepressants, I was doing better, and I felt stronger, and more alive than I had before. The only thing that was different than it had been for a bit, was that Suna was standing in the divider between our kitchen and our dining room, with the hood down, and he looked kind of nervous as he held the now-empty mug in his hand. He looked between Xemnas and I, and then smiled a little and asked, "Where do you want me to put this?"

"The kitchen's right in there," I said, gesturing to the doorway. He nodded and walked in, and I saw mom looking at me from the corner of my eyes. I looked at her and frowned a little, not liking that she was staring at me.

"Oh, honey," she laughed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes before going back to what she had been typing.

_Oh, honey, just look at you. And you think Beth's got a mothering personality. You just practically adopted that boy._

That was it. That _had _to be it. And then I took a swallow of my coffee and started laughing. "We're gonna have _one heck _of a Christmas this year." We would have to get the tree up pretty soon. And Beth had been working on something for mom in art, and I was thinking of maybe making breakfast for her. I wanted to do something for Xemnas, too, but I didn't know what he would want.

Xemnas never seemed to _want _anything anymore. He was always content, but I felt bad not getting him something. Maybe I could just do something simple and draw a cute picture, but then I got a really stupid, really _cute _idea that was completely cheesy and lame, but…

I figured he wouldn't mind the cheesiness, because it was what it would mean.

_I_

Suna looked adorable, sitting at the table the next morning in a baggy shirt and a pair of sweatpants. But his hair wasn't too messy…and it gave me an idea.

"Suna, come upstairs with me." I set my coffee down and got up, smiling down at him as he blinked sleepily at me. Last night he'd ended up sleeping on a cot in the room with Xemnas, and apparently slept pretty well. The cot _was _pretty comfy.

"Okay…" he mumbled, getting up. He still seemed a little confused every time I called him by his new name, but he was getting used to it, and he was actually pretty friendly. He'd been really happy to have a real dinner, and had thanked mom, multiple times. It was adorable. "Whaddaya need?"

When I got to the top of the stairs, I went into the bathroom. "Gonna give you a new hairstyle."

"Huh?" Even in his confusion, he still followed me.

I smiled over my shoulder. "People won't mistake you for him anymore…not as much, anyway. Is it okay?" I grabbed a hairbrush, and a pair of scissors just in case.

"Sure." He smiled, and that really made me happy.

"Okay. C'mere." I led him in front of the mirror so he could watch. "Any particular preferences?"

"Oh…not really, no."

Grabbing a comb, I brushed his hair forward, and then more to once side, gradually moving his part over. I found it kind of funny how it sort of spiked up at an angle. "Of course, you can fiddle with your hair however you like later, but…I think this will at least be a good start." I started straightening up his part.

"It…feels kinda funny."

"That's because your hair is so used to being parted in the middle."

"It's kinda poofy," he complained with a laugh.

"It'll settle down," I laughed, beginning to brush his hair again. "Give it a few days, and it should flatten out a bit." He really didn't look too bad with his hair like this. It was different. And though he'd still have Riku's facial structure and eyes, the hair was now different…besides, Riku was older now, right? As real as Vexen had made Suna…he probably wouldn't be able to age. But, I'd always wanted a younger sibling—a brother, actually. I realized that my brother hadn't been informed of our…new family members. I started laughing.

"What is it?" Suna asked, turning his head to look at me as I set the stuff down. "What's so funny?"

"My older brother has no idea you and Xemnas are here yet," I stated. Suna blinked. Well, okay, so I hadn't told him I had a brother.

"You have a brother?"

I nodded. "Yeah. He's thirty-seven and has a wife, one son, and a step-son." He seemed a little surprised. "He can be a real jerk, but he's a good guy. I think he'll like you. It's like I finally have a little brother…he'll probably pick on me about babying you. But you know, that's okay."

"You…really want me to stick around?" Suna blurted, finally turning to fully face me. I placed a hand on his head and smiled a bit.

"Yeah, of course. If you want to." I shrugged. "I'll understand if you don't, but…mom doesn't mind. We all know what you've been through." I hugged him, and this time he hugged me back, but was a bit hesitant.

"I-I want to, I do…" But he sounded confused…almost reluctant. "But…how do you know what happened?"

I sighed. "You would have found out eventually…are you up to believing things that make no sense?"

"I…thought I was dead, and I'm not…I don't think anything will shock me more than that." Poor Suna, I really felt awful.

"Kingdom Hearts is a video game I play. It's a series of games, actually, but…well, putting it shortly, Sora and Riku are the main characters." There was silence, and I hugged him a little tighter.

"So…you saw everything…?"

"Pretty much…"

"And you're…still okay with me?" Again, the confusion, and a tone of something a bit like fear, but not quite there. I'd seen him fight, I'd seen him kill, and I'd seen him fade.

"Yep."

A slow, heavy sigh. "…Thanks, Tory."

Fate had taken me to the playground the day before. It had to have been that. I thought I'd been going of my own accord, but I was drawn there by something in my heart knowing Suna was there. "You're welcome, Suna." I wondered if it bothered him at all, the way I was stroking his hair like my mother would mine. Or, was it a comfort, to be accepted and cared for?

"So…Real Thing's just as fake as I am."

And then I found myself laughing again, and I pulled back to grin down at him. "If you wanna put it that way, yeah!"

_I_

"Come on, come on, go downstairs!" I laughed, giving Suna a careful shove. "I wanna show off my psychotic handiwork!"

"Tory, what did you do?" Beth called, hearing me.

"I gave Suna a makeover," I replied proudly as he got to the floor. I was close behind him, my hands on his shoulders as I laughed. "Look!"

"Oh, my," mom laughed. She probably wasn't happy about the spikes; she never liked my taste in hairstyles.

"I know, I know, it's all poofy on one side," Suna mumbled, sounding embarrassed, or maybe he was pleased at the attention. Beth made a loud 'awwww' sound and came rushing over.

"Oh, you look so good, honey! It really does wonders for you!"

And then the day went on. I actually sat down at the table with my drawing stuff, and doodled for a while, drinking coffee and talking to Xemnas while he worked on reading through another romance novel. Beth got Suna to go out back with her, and apparently they were having an almost violent snowball fight. When they got in, they were freezing, and Beth made them both cocoa. Suna was laughing and smiling, and I knew that memory would stick with him forever.

_I_

I got up with Beth on Friday, as it had become usual for me to do so, because once I got ready for my day I went down with Xemnas, and as usual the smell of warm coffee brought me further to life. Even though I was growing used to earlier mornings, I was NOT a morning person. But Xemnas never pushed my buttons like Beth did. In fact, he hadn't really pushed anyone's buttons at all. He was calm and polite, and all-around, a likeable person. He had a good sense of humor when he was in the mood, and he _did _have his 'off' days where he was a little more tired than usual, but still he didn't take it out on us. I'd gotten to the point where I could tell just by how he said 'Good morning' to me. And so I didn't talk as much those mornings, unless he actually wanted to. To be honest, when I noticed this, it confused me, because I usually didn't take that into consideration for most people.

Xemnas was different from most people, though.

_I_

I was going against what I believed in when I went to HassanAlHajry's channel on YouTube Saturday. He had a play list of a game I didn't' have, because I didn't have the system. He had a Birth by Sleep play list. But there were some things I felt I needed to know. I needed to know _what _the hell happened to Ven and Vanitas. I needed to know just where Aqua was (though I'd seen her in the dark place from the end of KH II, but I needed to be sure), and I…wanted to know exactly what happened with Terra…with Xemnas. And the lack of knowledge scared me, so…it needed to be done. I'd understand Xemnas better. Right?

But there was something else I had to do, so I pulled up a different tab. I found a random KH form to start a post in.

_-Found Number I, looking for Organization Members.-_

I knew I would get a lot of questions and laughs, and some people would assume I was RPing. But this was something I needed to do just as much as looking into the past. Maybe…somehow…I could find out what was going on in the world around me. I'd hit a calm spot in my life…so I needed to fill in the gaps, so to speak.

That whole day, I was upstairs. I went down to grab some ramen or coffee, but I'd bring it up with me. Suna came up once or twice to check on me, and I would have a random website up so he wouldn't see what I was watching.

"_Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah honey, I'm just…having a quiet day."_

I hoped I wasn't worrying him too much. He seemed satisfied enough with my answer, so…well, he didn't poke, and left me alone. Beth would keep him occupied; she had adopted him just as much as I had. He was practically our child, but he was a little brother to me, too. He fit in well…and he'd fallen in love with Sarah (which was good, because he could hardly keep her off of his lap). He really liked the cats. He thought it was cool that we had so many animals, because it was such a wide variety, and they all had personalities of their own. He was a part of the family, now, too. Suna was okay with going outside and getting cold, because now he had somewhere he could come back to, to warm up.

A home.


	8. Gifts

Up until Wednesday, things were…pretty damn settled. Mom and her brothers were sorting out the funeral arrangements, trying to get everything set. Even though I'd lived with Papa the majority of my life, I wasn't panicking or crying. I'd cried twice, and that was it. He had been old, and had been miserable…so should his relief really cause me misery? Or was I just numb?

I felt crazier than numb. I had watched the Birth by Sleep cutscenes, and had gotten reply upon stupid reply to my post, and random spam and junk that made no sense, and didn't matter anyways.

But when Wednesday rolled around, I had a message, which was rare for me whenever I joined one of these random sites. Not expecting anything important, I was surprised by the contents of the message.

_Hello, Victoria._

_If you wish to speak of the matters of which you have posted in the forum, and if you truly wish to involve yourself, then please reply. _

_Take some time to think this over. _

_If you change your mind, you may wish to remove your post and perhaps delete your account._

_The choice is yours._

_-Zexion_

The user's account was xXxVIxXx. Mine was Xiactorvi. I didn't display my name, so this guy had clearly taken the time to remove the X and unscramble it. I was curious though, so I replied.

_Hey, Zexion._

_I'm a 'leap before you look' kind of girl, so whether or not YOU'RE serious, I am, and I'm just going to say that I believe you. So…yeah. I want to talk to you._

_But do you believe me?_

My fingers felt numb, and I felt all tingly like I was going to start giggling. I was pretty sure it was him—he wasn't being an idiot like most of the other people who had responded. Maybe he was just a hardcore RPer, but this felt strangely right.

Later, I checked the site again. He had responded.

'_But do you believe me?' It's interesting you would ask that. I wouldn't bother responding if I suspected any less than truth of you. However I do realize your suspicion is not without merit in a world like yours. My existence is considered fake by most, and very few people that I know of accept me as real. _

_Though, there has been some argument concerning how real a Nobody is…_

_If you're willing to take a leap, then, contact me on Yahoo. I have the same account name as I do on this forum. Also, perhaps a face-to-face discussion via webcam could settle any possible doubts you have?_

_I'll be waiting._

Unreal…that's how it all felt. But I couldn't let it bother me too much. I had to try accepting reality as it was, because chances are the Nobodies would all find each other eventually, anyways. Might as well help the process along, right? Better than delaying it. I didn't want to feel like I had to run from anything anymore. Maybe, just maybe, I could keep peace between members that would normally give each other trouble if I talked to them separately. So later on, when I got on to talk to Leah, I decided I would contact "Zexion" as well.

And so, I went downstairs, leaned around mom where she sat at the computer, and started unhooking the webcam.

"Borrowing this~"

"Uh-huh. I noticed." She laughed, and I couldn't help a small chuckle. "Talking to Leah?"

"Uh, yeah." I smiled, feeling a little bad for lying, but maybe I would actually go ahead and talk to Leah on the webcam, too, later.

The funny thing about my internet service was that, for the past week, it was the only one working. Mom's computer and Beth's computer…well, neither of them could connect. So I had to share my computer, and that often caused problems for me. Beth kills every one of my computers. Haven't figured out how, but she does it.

_I_

_xXxVIxXx is typing…_

-I found a webcam.- I typed quickly, smiling a little nervously as I did so.

-Did you find a webcam?- The question came only seconds after I had posted, and a short space of dots followed. –Very well. I have mine hooked up.-

-I'm all set, too, then.- I had my headphones connected to my speakers, and my microphone was on its stand. –Want me to send the invite, or…- Two seconds after sending the message, the invite popped up, and I clicked 'Yes.' My computer froze up for a moment or two, and then a screen popped up. I couldn't see much, but then I saw the person's silhouette move, and I heard a soft _click, _and at once there was light, and the person's face became visible.

I felt my chest tightening, and my head began to spin as I looked at the pale face of a young man that didn't quite appear as old as me, half-covered in a mess of silvery, pale bluish hair that gave off a faint sheen of violet. He wasn't look at the camera, he was looking at something else—probably the screen. He was looking me over, too.

Resting a finger against his chin, the boy was the first to speak. "How should I address you?" It was him. It was, without a doubt, Zexion. After hours of fishing through every scene with him in it, I would know his voice anywhere.

"You can call me Tory—with a Y." His head tilted to the left, and this seemed to amuse him somewhat. I didn't question the faint smirk visible, trying to be patient, because I was still nervous and anxious and didn't want to piss him off.

"You don't _look _like a Tory," he said, the smirk twitching into a brief smile. I laughed softly, finding that funny. Shelby, from therapy, had said the same time. "Call me Zexion if you will. As long as it isn't particularly obscene, I don't mind nicknames."

"Alrighty, Zexion." There was a momentary pause in conversation, because I had no idea what to ask or say. "So…um…how did you figure out my name? I didn't display it publicly."

"Figuring it out was a fairly simple task," he replied. He paused, eyes moving to something else on the screen, before he glanced over at the camera and then back to the screen. "Victoria was the only name that could make sense once the X was removed."

"Huh…well, it doesn't surprise me that you figured it out so soon." He…did seem to be one of the smartest Nobodies, so… "Um…"

"So," Zexion said three seconds after I trailed off. "Xemnas is at your house." I nodded, and realized I was biting my lip. "And I assume that was quite…unexpected?" Zexion looked bothered by something. He had a lot he was probably thinking about…

"Yeahhh…well it's not like he's caused any trouble." I shrugged, managing a small smile. "I just…don't know what's going on." It was harder to put my thoughts into words when I was speaking than when I was typing. "I mean…concerning you, I'm grateful about the second chance thing."

"What do you mean?" he inquired.

"…Well, obviously you know about the video game thing by now…" I rubbed the back of my neck when I saw him nod. "Well…you were one of my favorites, out of all the characters."

After a moment of silence, Zexion smiled, clearly amused. "Well, thank you. I'm flattered."

"Heh…you're welcome…" After a pause, I decided to go on and head back to the purpose of our conversation. "I have the Riku Replica at my house, too." Zexion's facial expression immediately darkened.

"The replica…" he began, looking directly into the camera.

"His name is Suna," I interrupted. He stopped talking, his mouth opened and then closed. "He's wonderfully sweet. He was out in the cold." Zexion still wasn't speaking. "I know what happened. I cried when it did. And I'm sorry, Zexion."

"…You cried?" That much seemed to startle Zexion out of silence. "But you couldn't possibly have known it was real." I shrugged, and my face started to heat up.

"I'm…I've always been the kind to get attached to characters." I laughed, looking down at my hand over the mouse. "I bought the remake of Chain of Memories to see you and hear your real voice. Of course…your last scene was a bit more…difficult to watch." I'd gotten attached to everyone. Axel, Vexen, Zexion, Lexaeus—I'd even liked Marluxia and Larxene. "A-anyways…"

"Lexaeus and I found each other fairly soon," Zexion cut in, finding something to change the subject before I did. I was delighted, but not surprised. "In fact, we share the apartment I'm in at the moment."

"That's good…what about Vexen?" I knew he and Vexen had been friends, at the very least.

Zexion shook his head negatively. "I have yet to locate him. It's…quite difficult. This world is very large. Where are you, Victoria?"

"Michigan. It's in America."

"Ah. My my, quite the distance…Lexaeus and I are in London. Michigan is the hand-shaped state, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I replied, laughing softly. "The Mitten of America." Despite my lack of faith in my country, I was pretty…dedicated to it. I was angry at the state it was in, but I would fight for it, if I deemed it a worthy cause. But wow, London. France? Kinda far away. "Um…so, you haven't had much luck finding anyone?"

"I can only tell you that we've all arrived…though I wasn't entirely aware of the Replica's—Suna's being here as well. I'm surprised we've come to this world…I had thought it was the end for me…"

"I thought it was…but then Xemnas showed up here. My friend Leah asked me what I was gonna do when everyone else showed up—I thought she was just screwing with me. Or maybe I was in denial."

That cute little smirk. "A possibility."

"There'll be trouble if I don't figure things out and set it straight," I said. "I know it's not my business, but I can't just let a fight break out. I don't know what'll happen if one of you die here on Earth. You might not get another chance after that." I sighed…Zexion was silent, listening. "So I figure…if I hunt you all down and talk to everyone individually…I might be able to help…"

"And what of your family?" he inquired, tilting his head and causing his hair to sway from his face. "Do they know of your plans?" I shook my head. "Ah. I see, you don't want anyone interfering if they object."

"Not even Leah knows," I said with a nod. "Not yet, at least. She'll understand, and probably try to help…but I don't want her involved this time. I worry about her. Every time she gets between me and someone else when…negotiations…go wrong, I get rude and mean, and usually say something that isn't meant to be sarcastic, but it strikes her that way anyways. So I'm doing this for my own sake. …Hey wait, how did you guess that I don't live alone?"

"Your profile lists your age as fifteen. I was merely assuming you are a student, with what I know of the laws in this world." I shrugged.

"Well…I'm only kind of a student. I had to quit school to go to therapy. I was suicidal." He raised an eyebrow, and I rolled my eyes. "I know, I know, it's stupid. But I was having a shi—crappy time, and then…well, things are tough around here. America's economy has gone down the tube. But I'm planning on getting home-schooled or something until I'm sixteen so I can drop out." About halfway through my last sentence, I heard something on Zexion's side of the connection that sounded like a door shutting hard. A shadow passed over Zexion, and then he turned his head and looked.

"Well hello to you, too, Lexaeus." Zexion leaned an arm on the back of his chair, and looked ready to throw something. I almost grinned. "Oh, well, you're being quite rude. We have a guest." He gestured towards the screen. I heard heavy footsteps, and then the shadow was back, and soon Lexaeus had leaned down over Zexion, peering at the screen.

"Hey," I said awkwardly, waving at the camera. He wasn't…attractive, but he looked much less awkward than he did in Kingdom Hearts graphics. "I'm Tory, with a Y. Nice to meetcha."

"I am Lexaeus…it is a pleasure to meet you." And then he straightened up and walked away.

"…Well," I mumbled, trying not to laugh.

"…I won't bother excusing him, I expect that you know him well enough by now," the younger Nobody said.

"Yep," I replied, before chuckling quietly. "That's three. Nine more to go."

"Of us?" I nodded.

"Yep."

Zexion shook his head, and said something a teensy bit unsettling. "Seven. I would suggest for your sake, that you do not seek out Marluxia and Larxene." I looked down, thinking about that. Considering Marluxia seemed to want to overthrow Xemnas, it might be best not to look for him.

"They would cause nothing but trouble in our world if it meant getting revenge," I sighed. Zexion nodded very slightly. "Well…Zexion, will you keep me posted if you find anything? Or anyone?"

"I will," he replied softly. "And I trust you will do the same?"

"Of course."

"Well then Tory…I don't think I'll take any more of your time. It was pleasant speaking to you." He actually smiled a little, and it was terribly contagious.

"The pleasure was all mine," I said. "See ya later." I closed out the chatbox, and went to talk to Leah.

_I_

That night, my internet died. I had a panic attack, because I was in the middle of RPing with Leah when it happened. I didn't even get a chance to say goodnight, and wound up staying up till five trying to fix it. Beth was a little pissed at me whenever she woke up in the middle of the night, but I didn't really care. When Xemnas came up to go to bed, he reached into the crack between the door and the wall, flicked the lock open, opened the door, and made me freeze.

"…You're up late," he said, frowning. I'd been crying on and off, and I imagined I looked like…well, I had to be a mess.

"…My connection died," I said, sniffling. "I was talking to Leah…I-I didn't even get a real chance to say goodnight." I went back to typing in the Comcast activation code, and Xemnas put a hand on my head and ruffled my hair.

"That's nothing to cry about," he stated calmly, smiling a little. I nearly glared at him, but I knew he was right, and looked down. "Go to bed, Tory. It's late…even for me."

"What were _you _doing up this late, anyhow?" I questioned as he took his hand from my messy hair. He didn't often stay up past one or two.

"Nothing…I was just thinking, I suppose." I sighed as he said that. He was a really depressing person even when he didn't mean to be. "It's been years since I've had any time to truly think."

"What were you thinking about, then?"

He reached down and put his hand over mine on the mouse, moving it and closing out the pages I'd had up, making me click all the Xs and then the Start menu, and then the shut down option, and then he selected shut down again. I didn't protest. He turned off my speakers after the Windows shut-down tune started, and I had winced at the loudness.

"What has passed." He turned off my monitor. "What has become of me. What could possibly come to be." Again, his hand was on the top of my head, but this time it simply rested there as he looked down at me. His eyes were calm, gentle, and thoughtful.

I reached up and pulled his hand from my head, just holding it. "Are you going to stay with us?"

"Only if you all want me to."

"Mom adores you…Beth doesn't care…and I want you to stay…so…" I sighed and looked down. "I…I think I fear you'll be gone one day…things are changing in the world, Xemnas…"

"I just don't understand you," he chuckled softly, shaking his head. It wasn't amusement I felt in his laugh…it was sad. "I won't leave."

"Promise?"

He hesitated, but nodded. "I promise."

Sighing, I got to my feet and put my arms around his shoulders. "G'night, then…Xemnas."

"Goodnight, Tory."

_I_

I woke up at about 2 o'clock PM after going to bed at five Thursday morning, and it was Beth that harassed me out of bed…and then she threw a fit because I was being grumpy. I was grumpy because she was bitching at me and stripping the covers off.

Oh, yeah. _Totally _my fault.

At about three, mom got up and went into the back room, and then into the basement. After about two or three minutes, she called me, and, sighing, I got up and went to the top of the stairs to hell—I mean the basement. There were three boxes.

I realized it was our Christmas tree, and smiled, going down to help her get them all up the stairs. Beth was upstairs doing God-knows-what, though I suspected she was talking to Onii-chan.

When I got to the door of the back room, I had been focusing so hard on keeping the box in my arms from bumping anything that I didn't notice Xemnas standing in front of me until the box was lifted from my arms.

"N-no you don't have to," I laughed, but he shook his head and smiled.

"It's quite all right, I don't mind helping." I sighed and shook my head, but let him take it.

"Thank you." I then ran back and grabbed the second box, and mom had the third one. We got into the living room and started opening the boxes, and I'll be honest and say I screamed like a little girl when there was a small-bodied, long-legged spider on one of the artificial tree branches. Mom rolled her eyes and held her palm out to it, reaching behind it and giving it a boot with her finger.

"God, Tor," she laughed, taking it over and setting it in one of the potted plants. "Since when were _you _arachnaphobic?"

"A tree?" Xemnas asked, finally managing to at least kind of catch up with things.

"Christmas tree," I said, smiling broadly. "It's the twenty-third today." His eyebrows shot up, and then he looked almost embarrassed.

"Oh—yes, of course. I apologize…Christmas seems to have slipped my mind." Mom chuckled and patted his arm as she started setting up the tree stand.

"Don't worry about it, honey, you haven't had a chance to celebrate it in a while." Being called 'honey' by my mom clearly puzzled him, but it didn't bother him. "Baby Doll, can you start sorting the branches?"

"They have those little color strips, right?" I questioned, picking out the branches from a box. Blue was the smallest as far as I could tell…

"Yep. Last year I tried to put them away at least semi-organized…"

Xemnas opened one of the other boxes and started helping me sort out the branches. We chattered idly about the Christmas situation, and I wasn't paying attention to what mom said, but whatever it was, Xemnas laughed. And I started laughing, too, because every time Xemnas laughed like that it made my heart jump because I was so happy.

I hadn't felt like putting up the tree…but now I didn't mind the task. All three of us began setting up the branches, and when we got done with setting it up I went to the bottom of the stairs.

"Oooiii! Nee-san! Hurry up! We already have the tree up!"

And then, it was back to hunting down the decorations for the tree. First to go up were the lights. And then the silver tinsel followed, and Beth got down in time to help Xemnas and I set up the ornaments while mom took a break (not being lazy, she has a bad leg and needed to sit down).

"Hey Tory?" Beth called from her chunk of the tree. "Are you setting up the ornaments next to the lights that match, or-"

"I'm trying to keep the colors from matching up, so no."

"That puts all three of us on the same page, then," Xemnas chuckled softly, almost sounding relieved. I grabbed a few more ornaments, carefully hooking them on branches, trying to keep yellow towards blue or green light bulbs, and so on.

Little Boy suddenly hopped up onto the stand, staring at the lit bulbs in awe.

"Oh goodness!" Mom said, and he looked over to her with his wide eyes. "What _is _that, Little Baby?" I ducked down to give him a few pats, making a similar noise to the one he always did, to get his attention. He echoed the sound, bumping his face against my hand. "It's his _first _Christmas!"

"Yus, yus," I said, getting down onto my knees to rub noses with my baby. "Oh, Little _Baby, _it's my boy…" Considering he scratched me enough to look like I played an Emo Symphony, I really did love him. It wasn't his fault he startled easily and liked to play rough—he'd been abused…so I would take his beatings and say sweet things anyways. Right now though, he was in a lovey mood. The birds started getting particularly loud and excited, and Twitters made her laughing sound.

"And Twitters has seen a _lot _of Christmases," Beth chimed in, walking over to her bird's cage. "Haven't you, Twitters?"

"_Tuh-witters-!_"

"What's all the noise about?" Suna asked, ducking around the bottom of the stairwell. His eyes went wide when he saw the tree. "Why didn't you guys tell me you were setting up the tree? I wanted to help!" I started laughing, and went over and hugged him.

"Don't worry, hun, we still have ornaments to put up."

"Really?"

"Yep!"

_I_

"Think about the love inside the strength~, of heart, think about the hero savin' life in the dark…climbin' higher through the fire, time was runnin' out~, Never knowing you weren't going to be comin' down alive…but you still, came, back, for~, me…you were strong, and you believed…" It was a horrifyingly depressing song, though at the same time it made my heart flutter and feel so _light, _and it made me feel a sense of hope I didn't often have. "Everything, is gonna be alright, everything, is gonna be alright, be strong, believe…"

Internet or no, I was having a good day. I had an older guy in the house, and a little brother that had officially been adopted. I say older guy regarding Xemnas because he's like a brother and like a dad and at the same time I didn't feel entirely like he _was _one of those roles to me.

But, maybe that was okay after all. He was still important to me. Xemnas was my friend.

_I_

"Come on," I said sweetly, tugging Gabby's leash. She hated it, but she _would _wander a little too much in the city. But she dove out the door when it opened, and I grinned and ran after her, being careful on the steps due to the ice. But the snow on the sidewalks covered the ice, and so I could run with her without too much worry.

It was Friday—Christmas Eve. I had wrapped Xemnas' and Suna's presents, but I wasn't going to put them under the tree until just before I went to bed.

"Tory!" Suna called out from the door. I stopped and turned, and saw him dressed in a heavy coat as he pulled it shut. "Can I come with you?"

"Yeah, sure!" I laughed, stopping and waiting for him to catch up. Gabby made her Spuggy growlly noise as she ran in a circle, sat down, and ran in another circle, before looking up at me with her baby seal eyes and growling again. Suna smiled as he caught up, adjusting his hat.

"Thanks for waiting."

"You're welcome, sweetie," I replied, smiling. He walked alongside me as I brought Gabby around the lacrosse field, down past the middle school's back lot, and down to the area that had the almost foresty opening to the lake, which was thoroughly frozen. Gabby sniffed around and did her business in the bushes, coming back out and scrambling towards the lake. I smiled and stepped down onto the ice, but a pang of fear shot through me.

"Looks like the ice broke from something a while ago," Suna pointed out thoughtfully, looking at the patch of ice that dipped in and was thinner than the surrounding area. "Looks like someone threw a few big rocks in or something…"

Gabby pulled out just a little further, and I saw something on the ice, suddenly, where I had fallen in.

"Suna, would you…?" I held the end of the leash out to him, and he nodded a little.

"Sure…something wrong?"

"Stay put for a sec," I replied, feeling numb and queasy as I made my way out.

I frowned when I saw what was on the ice. Carefully, I knelt, and gave a small shove against the ice I was on. It didn't budge, nor did I see any bubbles stir beneath me. I reached out towards the small object, lifting it from the thinner ice, before I carefully moved, feeling my foot slide a bit before I braced myself and went back to Suna.

"A flower?"

"A rose," I replied, "a white one." Its edges were glittering with frost…and the thorns were untouched, not removed by whoever had left it there. "…We should head back. The sun's getting ready to set."

"Why was a rose…?"

"I dunno. Come on, honey." I smiled. "Do you wanna walk Gabby back?" He seemed pretty content with holding her leash.

"Yeah," Suna replied, almost bashfully. "Is that okay?"

"Of course," I laughed, the sound a bit strange because quite honestly, even when we were all off the ice, I felt horribly uneasy. And despite the flower's beauty…I felt I shouldn't keep it, and left it in the snow.

_I_

"Oh, my darling Tory!" I heard a _very _familiar voice shout as Suna and I stepped inside. I jolted a little, quickly pulling my hat off.

"Chris!" I laughed. It was my mother's cousin, Christy. And…I was her favorite. "It's been a long time, how are you?"

"Oh, don't ask about me, I wanna hear about _you,_" she said as I peeled off the rest of my winter gear and walked over to her. I hugged her tightly. "How are you doin'?"

"I'm good," I said cheerfully. "Much better now."

"Who's this?" She then asked, peering over my shoulder before I let go.

"That's Suna," mom said, and felt she should further explain. "Tory found him a few days ago and brought him home. He's…got a similar story to Xemnas."

"Uh, yeah," Suna agreed with a small, quiet chuckle as he got out of his coat, boots, and hat. "Nice to meet you, Miss."

"Oh darling just call me Christy," she said, dismissing the polite title with a laugh. "It's _my _pleasure. Tory, I wish you would have called and told me about these lovely gentlemen before! Xemnas is simply lovely and Suna is just a _dear_!"

Christy was the kind that could read an entire book just by glancing at the cover. Xemnas simply put his hand over his eyes, chuckling, obviously, but surprisingly, flattered and embarrassed.

Suna, likewise, was blushing.

"Well…we've been trying to keep things kind of quiet, you know?"

"Oh honey, I understand. I'm just so proud of you for taking everything with a grain of salt lately! I would never have guessed this particular situation would come up, but my _goodness, _your mother says it's really helped you out!" I played with a strand of hair from my ponytail, smiling, thrilled to see her, but embarrassed. Her flattery was sincere; she was always honest, and would even tell someone the truth if she thought it was rude, and so if she felt it was she would apologize.

"I guess…having someone else around…having a big change kind kicked my butt into gear," I suggested, shrugging. "Xemnas has been a big help around here anyhow, no reason I shouldn't try just as hard."

"Oh but _dear, _I know how depression is," Christy exclaimed, taking one of my hands in hers. "I've been through those stages, when I wasn't on a good medicine, where I just wanted to keel over dead!"

"Oh, Chris," I began, sighing.

"Oh, _Tory, _dearest," she replied, "It's nothing to feel bad about. It's not your fault—it's a chemical imbalance, and I don't mean to sound insensitive but it's genetic, and everyone in the family has their own variety of it. Oh _honey, _I'm so sorry to hear how you felt, but I am _so _glad you're feeling better."

Christy stayed for about two hours, and everyone actually had a really good time. Christy talked our ears off, as usual, but we love her to death and didn't mind bearing it that day. When she left, though, mom fell back into her chair and laughed.

"_Phew!_"

"Ah, Chris," Beth sighed, grinning. "I love her."

"She's…quite…" Xemnas trailed off, not able to find a word for it. "…She's very pleasant."

"I thought she was nice," Suna confessed, blinking. "Kinda…odd, but really nice." Mom nodded.

"She's going through hard times too, and she likes to talk and check in to make sure we're all okay. Tory's her favorite, and after what's been going on, well…" Beth shrugged.

Mom nodded. "She flipped a lid."

"I love our family," I said after a long silence.

Mom laughed, Xemnas smiled, Beth smirked, and Suna shrugged.

And then, Sarah took the moment of calm to shove her way into Xemnas' lap and start trying to kiss him.

_I_

I'd shoved Suna into his room, and Xemnas with him, before going diving into the bottom bunk with Beth in our own room. It was eleven-thirty, and I felt a childish anticipation I'd not felt in years.

Santa would be coming soon. I started to giggle.

_Xemnas is real, and he's from Kingdom Hearts. Santa is also in Kingdom Hearts, which makes him real too!_

My faith had been renewed even more upon that realization. Beth had one earbud in, and the other was in my own ear as she played Fireflies.

I had my eyes closed as we cuddled close together, trying to fall asleep, but it was so hard when we had so much energy and so much excitement built up inside and ready to burst free.

The songs started to sound different, vivid images floating through my mind as I felt the songs more than heard them.

There were lights around us, floating through the snow.

And I was dreaming.

_I_

The alarm clock went off, and Beth was getting out of bed with more enthusiasm than I could muster at nine o'clock. But I peeled out of bed, getting dressed and heading downstairs as Beth started waking everyone up.

I went to my stocking and found it stuffed, and my heart nearly melted.

Mom had literally no money, and yet there was candy and a pair of warm sweater socks in the stocking. _Pfft. Stupid people, I told you he was real._ I was proud that I still believed in Santa, and Beth was proud of me. I was positive she believed in him, and even Leah felt he was real. She had her own theories on his existence, and we often discussed it. _He was real once, and is still alive in a sense…because of magic…right? _

"Tory!" Beth said, grinning. She'd been down here, and up again to get me out of bed before I had actually come down. "You have a present under the tree!" It was hard to believe that she was eighteen and I was fifteen and Josh was nineteen as of a couple days before.

The present was from Santa. I'd seen his handwriting many times—it looked nothing like my mother's. He hadn't been around the past few years, because I'd been bitchy, and, quite honestly, I'd probably made the naughty list a few years in a row. Maybe someday I'd be able to ask him. He'd gotten something for Beth, and something for all three of us girls.

Eventually everyone made it downstairs, and for the first time I saw Xemnas yawn and look absolutely _exhausted._ Suna was in baggy sweatpants and a big shirt, and Xemnas…

Oh God, Xemnas _wasn't _wearing a shirt. He was just wearing a pair of jeans…and I thought my head was going to explode because I was blushing so much. But instead I ran to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, and made a cup for mom, and sent Xemnas out of the kitchen when he tried to make his own and told him to go sit down and wait with mom.

Grinning, I carried both cups out and set them in front of the two adults, and then dove back under the tree. Santa had left stuff for Suna and Xemnas, too. I smiled, and grabbed them, throwing Suna's to him and setting Xemnas' package on the table. I was utterly delighted when I opened my own present from Santa. It was a big zip-up hoodie that complimented my figure while it was thick enough to keep me warm. There was also a soft, fuzzy shirt, and then a dressier shirt as well that was a dark chocolate brown. Beth got a similar set in different colors and sizes, and Suna leapt up and waved around a new skateboard. Xemnas had gotten a new series of books (they were romance novels as far as I could tell, but I didn't bother to check the titles). Mom, Beth and I received together a set of lotions and bath products.

"Oh, hey, what're these?" Beth asked after a few minutes, ducking under the tree and pulling out two small packages. One was wrapped in black with red Heartless symbols and the other was white with silver Nobody symbols. "Guys, they're for you," she said, laughing at the wrapping. She tossed the light one to Xemnas, and mom protested it even though Xemnas had no trouble catching it, and then she handed the dark one to Suna. "Doesn't say who they're from."

Xemnas took his time unwrapping his, not tearing any of the paper. He raised a silver eyebrow and lifted the plushy heart from the box, with _Xemnas _sewn onto it. I couldn't help smiling…and then it turned into a grin, and I folded my hands behind my back and rocked back and forth on my heels as I saw him smile as well. But then he blinked and looked at me, and it looked like it finally dawned on him. I felt my face heating up as I continued smiling.

"Tory," he said, the calm, amused tone making my heart jump. He got to his feet and walked over to me. "You're just unpredictable."

"_Tory,_" Mom laughed once the present's meaning and who it was from finally clicked. Beth just started laughing, shaking her head at me.

My smile relaxed a little, and, facing my phobia of bare chests, got on my toes and hugged Xemnas around the shoulders. "Merry Christmas, Xemnas."

"Thank you, Tory. Merry Christmas." He hugged me back, and he was warm and toasty. He really was huggable.

The gift was cheesy and stupid, but…I thought maybe it meant something to him. Honestly it meant a lot to me. I let go of Xemnas, but we shared a smile again and I knew I had brought him close to happiness even if Nobodies can't feel that.

"…Tory?" I turned, then, to Suna, who was holding his gift in hand. "Isn't this…"

I lifted the chain around my neck, pulling my remaining necklace free of the collar of my shirt. It was the blue crystal necklace. In Suna's palm rested a white orb with metal swirling around the top in which the chain connected to, dangling between his fingers as he stared at me.

"Something Riku will never have." Even if Riku somehow ended up getting that same necklace…it would never have been my necklace; it would never have been my gift to him. Suna looked confused, wide-eyed, and like he was going to cry. But instead he dropped the box and came forward; hugging me tightly with a strength I hadn't seen. But I was used to Beth's hugs, so this wasn't as bad, and I managed to hug back.

"You really outdid yourself this time," Beth sighed, resting her chin in her palm as she smiled sleepily, happily.

I felt like I had finally done something right.


	9. Family

Xemnas hadn't quite gotten a shirt on when the doors opened, and there was immediate pandemonium in which the dogs started screaming and barking in their excitement. Quickly he tugged in the rest of the way on, making himself look more presentable and hiding a drool-worthy distraction.

"Heeey, Merry Christmas," Robert called as he walked inside and greeted the animals as well, his eleven-year-old and his wife behind him. TJ, however, was at his dad's as far as I could tell.

"Bubba!" I nearly squealed, racing at him and throwing myself into his arms. My brother was tall—six-foot-six—and of a solid build; very huggable.

"Hey, Sweetie," he laughed, leaning down to kiss me. I got up on my toes, and then after I kissed him hello I picked up my nephew, and we all switched off with hugs between Robert, Tristan, and Kelley. Suna and Xemnas however, simply stood awkwardly in the other room. Robert, being the tallest, was obviously the first to notice as he could see over us all, but passed without a word so he could go upstairs to go to the bathroom. Typical brother…

"…Oh, well hi there!" Kelley suddenly blurted, spotting Suna and Xemnas.

"Hello," Xemnas replied, and Suna hesitantly smiled and waved at her.

"Hi," Tristan said, a little…confused-looking as he grabbed my hand. He looked up at me and asked, "Who are they?" It was a short, awkward silence.

"Xemnas and Suna, they live here now."

"Uh, well," Kelley laughed, clearly a little…offed by their appearances. "Hi! I'm Kelley Carlton, and this is Tristan. Robert just went upstairs."

"I'm Suna," the silver-haired boy introduced, his smile becoming a little more genuine. Kelley walked forward and shook his hand, doing the same for Xemnas.

The steps creaked and clunked as Robert came downstairs in his heavy boots, stopping at the bottom to smile in a surprisingly genuine way. He stepped over to Xemnas and put his hand out.

"Sorry about that, I'm Robert Carlton, nice to meet you." Xemnas smiled up at him and nodded, taking his hand and shaking it.

"I am Xemnas," the Nobody replied politely. Rob nodded and smiled, then holding his hand out to Suna, who looked _tiny _in front of Robert.

"I'm Suna," he mumbled, "Nice to meet you…you're Tory's brother?"

"Sure am. You a friend of hers?" He smiled a bit nervously and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess." Robert grinned and ruffled his hair. Suna blinked, but seemed to relax a bit. And then Robert turned to mom, a curious expression on his face.

"I know the net's not working and you're out of minutes…but what happened?" Mom pointed at me, and then laughed.

"I had nothing to do with it! If you want to know the details, ask your sister." Mom must have been sadistic, but instead of getting a Carlton eyebrow-rise from my brother, he just reached out and patted my head. I squinted, trying not to flinch.

"Well, we'll have time for discussions later. I guess as long as everything's going okay I won't worry…" But something in his voice told another story. My brother was very, very protective of Beth and I, and two men in the house…it probably bothered him. Basically, if Suna stepped out of line he'd be neutered within five minutes, and Robert _would _find a way to kill Xemnas if something bad happened. Ah, I have such a violent, loving family. But from what Robert had seen so far, I could tell he was curious about the two, as neither of them look normal.

"How much gel do you _use?_" Tristan suddenly shouted, staring at Xemnas. Said Nobody stared back down at the blonde, his eyebrow rising nearly to his hairline. "I mean, that looks _impossible!_"

"…I don't use gel," Xemnas finally said, smirking after he got over his surprise from the question. "My hair does this on its own."

"Nuh-_uh,_" Tristan responded, his eyes wide. Beth just patted his head, before picking him up off the ground and hugging him. "Uwumph! Ghhaaaletmedown-!" Snickering, I looked over at my older houseguest, and nearly froze when I saw that he was looking at me, too. But then he smiled, and I got goose bumps, but smiled back.

"I'm sorry," Kelley sighed, laughing. "He's…"

"A child, such reactions are to be expected." Xemnas smiled at Kelley and took a sip of his coffee before continuing. "No need to apologize."

"So," Robert cut in when he didn't say anymore, "You and, uh, Suna coming to the Christmas party?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude on a family tradition," Xemnas said, shaking his head even as Suna had clearly been all set to say 'yes.'

"Nah, you wouldn't be. Uncle Jack's always happy to have more people around. And it looks like mom already includes you as part of the family, so there's not a problem."

And so, Xemnas didn't stay behind that day. He and Suna came along, and by _God, _my Aunt Joan loved them.

_I_

Most everyone there had packed themselves into the kitchen to chat, and as happy as I was that Rob was around, I was sitting out in the living room, petting Gizmo, a fifteen-year-old cat. He was big and pretty and lazy as anything, and was appreciating my attention. I was lounging next to him, sleepy near the fire, and Tristan and Brian, Scott's kid, were around too.

But at some point they were both in the kitchen, and Robert came out, standing behind the couch and leaning down to link his arms around my shoulders. "It's good to see you, sweetie." He kissed the top of my head, and I craned my neck to kiss him, even from the awkward angle.

"It's good to see you too, Robert." It was strange, because it was about the fifth time he'd hugged me that day, and he…well, he loved me, but he wasn't normally _this _cuddly. He must have been worried…

"Sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all," he sighed softly, "I don't hear from you guys for a few weeks and there are two new _guys_ in the family." I smiled, just leaning back against his chest. "Ah, God, I forget how old you are sometimes…you're so beautiful, so tall…so smart…I wish there was more I could do for you…but those guys seem to be taking care of you alright…mom says he got a job and helps out around the house…and you've been spending a lot of time with him…"

"Rob?" I looked up, wondering what was going through his head. "He's from another world. Cut him some slack, okay?"

"I know, I know, I heard from mom." He kissed the top of my head again and straightened up. "Just…be careful. I like him so far, but be careful." I turned to fully face him, and he winked at me before heading back into the kitchen.

_Why is everyone acting so strange now? _Beth and Robert both acted…weird with Xemnas around. Both of them fully understood and believed the ridiculous situation, not questioning it at all. I had a hard time accepting Xemnas as real, but…they didn't. Something inside of me felt warm and fuzzy, and I lay down and curled around Gizmo, and he began to purr loudly. I had a good life. It was hard…but it was a good one.

_I_

We could only stay so long because the dogs would need to go out, and so we headed back home at about four.

Scott had been in a good mood and had been putting forth an honest effort to gain back my favor, even saying, "_I love you, Tory, even if I am a crotchety old fool._" I had moved towards him while we all gave out our goodbye-hugs, and I went to pat Scott's shoulder, but suddenly he hugged me, and I let him, even if it was awkward and short. I said goodbye to him, but once we got into the van, I said;

"This changes _nothing. _It was Christmas."

Mom just sighed. I pouted, crossing my arms and puffing my chest out. "Oh, Tory, you're just not gonna let it go, are you?"

"Of course not!" I replied quickly, "He went too far."

"Indeed," Xemnas agreed, staring out the side window. He looked thoughtful, but bothered.

"Something wrong?" I asked, not sure I liked the expression. But he shook his head. "…Um, thanks for what you did that night." He glanced over at me then and smiled briefly.

"Threatening someone isn't something that you should be thanking me for, Tory." I shrugged, smiling a little.

"But you did it for me, so I'm thanking you anyways."

_I_

Mom decided that we should have a bit of a Christmas celebration as well, and so before I knew it, we were setting out plates and cutting ham and serving up mashed potatoes. We were also pouring the wine left into glasses, and soon we were all together at the table. We were actually having a pretty good time, but…

_Superior!_

I thought that, maybe, I was imagining the voice. But everyone at the table looked up in unison, and I saw a black orb floating before it stretched vertically, and…

It was a corridor.

Saïx, of all people, stepped out. Suna dropped his fork, Beth jolted to her feet, and mom just got up, sighed, and said, "I'll get another plate."

Saïx stood there for a moment, his eyes wide and his mouth opened, and he looked at Xemnas, then at mom as she disappeared into the kitchen, and then at Beth as she found another chair and put it between Xemnas's chair and her own, and then at Suna, and then at me, and at the table.

"Merry Christmas Isa," I deadpanned, scooping up more mashed potatoes and eating them. He looked back at me, and I got a really good look at his eyes. They were a paler yellow than Xemnas's, lacking that gold. His hair was still the same shade of blue, and…he was almost as tall as Xemnas.

"Calm down, Saïx, and just sit down." Xemnas just sighed, gesturing to the seat.

"Xemnas," Saïx began to say, his voice unsteady, but Beth was behind him, pushing him, forcing him to sit down before she sat down as well. "What-"

"Here," mom said as she stepped out of the kitchen, setting the plate and silverware down for the Diviner. She just took her own seat again, and started eating again before adding in a 'Merry Christmas' in Saïx's direction.

"Xemnas, who are these people?" Saïx finally blurted, looking almost ready to have a panic attack. Almost. "I-I don't understand-"

"This is Melanie, Beth, and that is Tory, she's the one who found me-" I waved and grinned a little at him. "—and this one is Suna. They're letting me stay here."

"We'll fill you in on everything later," Beth said calmly, a hand on his shoulder, "Just eat for now and try to relax."

_I_

Saïx seemed to disappear after Christmas, telling us he'd stay close, but he didn't want to intrude again. This was, of course, after we'd explained everything to him, and mom demanded an explanation from _Xemnas _about the 'Superior' deal, and that was the closest I'd seen to Xemnas blushing.

And then…

I got two interesting presents from Derik and Michelle a couple of days after Christmas.

Derik gave me his treasured Vincent Valentine action figure, which he had been keeping in its box on his shelf for months, and…I had tackled him in my excitement. He also gave his Sephiroth to Beth. Michelle showed up and presented me with a (cheap plastic) ocarina that had me squealing with overwhelming happiness because I'd wanted one for years upon years.

So up to Wednesday night, I wouldn't let Vincent out of my sight, and I was carrying my ocarina everywhere, trying to figure out how to make it sound nice.

Thursday morning, mom drove me to a gas station halfway to Meghan's house, and we met up with her at eleven. I went to her house and spent the days up until Sunday there, and it was a laid-back, happy visit. We drew a lot and played Brawl, and we each had a small glass of wine to celebrate the New Year.

To be honest, I despise the taste of alcohol. It's…disgusting, and yet there's some appeal in the taste beneath it in wine. I like strawberry daiquiris, but…really. I'm not a drinker. Two shots, or three at the most, is my limit, and that's enough to make me a little goofier. But there's a vast history of alcohol and drug abuse in my family…on both sides. I don't want to add to the tally board. It's my choice—I could care less of Meghan was having a bit more to drink than I was, because she was responsible and didn't drink too much. She liked the tastes of drinks, not the drunk factor.

Meghan was fun to be with, and I loved her to death, but I get homesick after a few days…so I was happy to go home when I finally did. But I knew I'd miss Meghan, because the distance would make visiting hard. I wouldn't let myself feel too bad, because I knew I'd cherished our visit.

Meghan, in all her pain-inducing bluntness, understood me…some points about me made her face-palm, and others she raised an eyebrow at. Some she even brushed aside with a 'that's not bad at all,' if I was talking about a little problem I'd been having. She'd follow up, of course, something to validate her claim. Something else she had responded with a snort and a shrug to, was my sexuality. I'm bisexual. Meghan is _a_sexual. She'd had one boyfriend, and he was a friend of mine on Facebook. She and he had broken it off together; neither of them dumped the other. But he was a good kid. Weird kid. But a good kid.

One boyfriend, one girlfriend, and I wondered if I was going asexual as well. I like pretty eye-candy…but I don't like commitments. I never want to have a fling; I want something to be serious. And both relationships that I had had up to this point were pretty serious, but both had crashed. I'd gotten closure for one, but the other one—with the girl—all she could offer as a response for why she had been so awful to me was that she's bipolar. I understand that had a big effect, but it still didn't explain what thoughts justified her actions and words.

I knew I'd fall in love again, but I was really hoping that while talking to Meghan online on a regular basis, she'd help me figure things out.

__

Bright colorful lights flashed behind Kody as he ran, his breath hitching in his throat as he ran, knowing how badly this would hurt his Mom... But he didn't want the fact that she had a kid to be why she had to marry such a horrible guy. When he heard the sirens going off, the breath in his throat hitched even harder, he could barely breathe—or that's what it felt like. Pulling his hood onto his head harder, he darted into an alley way and ran down it, his pants getting drenched from the still-water. As he turned into another section of streets he could hear the sirens slowly getting quieter, their horrible wails growing faint. Once he was sure the noise was gone completely he slowed down, allowing his legs to rest. But now he had time to realize he was in a shady part of town, and how scary it all really was in the dark like this... "You're in biiig trouble, Kody..." He whispered to himself breathlessly and began taking a couple steps back.

A hooded figure glanced up, seeing the silhouette of a young teen next to him, and backing up towards him. When the kid's foot bumped him he growled, "Don't trip." He was tired, hungry, and had no idea where he was. Not a good combination of problems for him. He'd seen the kid running...why had he stopped and backed up? It was hard to ignore a punk when he was right over you, and probably about to trip backwards over your foot.

Kody jumped a little and stumbled back over something, landing hard on his rear-end. He grimaced, his face scrunching up as he flipped over to his knees and scrambled away. Moving around like he was he eventually ended up with his back against the wall across from who had spoken, and now he was dizzy from turning and moving so much... "Who's there?" He called, wishing his eyes would adjust faster.

"A dead man," the figure replied flatly, leaning his head back against the wall. He didn't bother with his trademark catchphrase. Too exhausted. "Shouldn't you be heading home, or are those sirens for you?" If this kid had done something bad...well, he could care less...alright, so that was a horrible lie. It bothered him, but what could he do?

The voice bothered Kody; it sounded so familiar it drove him crazy... But that could just be his own fears of being out here doing that to him. At the stranger's question he simply looked down at his feet, a little ashamed, but also hurting inside... "I- Yeah... They're for me." He said quietly, but it seemed to echo in the alley in a somewhat taunting manner.

"Running doesn't get you far," the man sighed, turning his head and staring towards the street, "Only back to the place you came from...in most cases, anyhow." He'd had wound up dead after running...because he'd gone back...for someone else. This kid couldn't have been older than Sora...maybe he was even younger. "Get it memorized."

"Depends on your situation... I think." Kody said softly, looking down at his feet again before sitting down across from the man. "... That's what my favorite character says a lot... From a video game." He commented on the stranger's last comment before digging around in his backpack. "Here." He said, holding out a sandwich.

Axel looked a little startled as the kid held the sandwich out, but he waved his hand. He was...kind of surprised about the video game thing...Axel had seen posters, he knew what was going on and who he was to the world. "So..." Changing his mind, he took the sandwich very lightly in one hand, tugging his hood down with the other. "You like…_Axel_, right?"

Kody didn't even look up as he continued digging around in his backpack before pulling out a bottle of water. No soda or sweets for him; not often at least... It wouldn't help him, plus he was a diabetic. "Yeah, you play?" He asked before tilting his head up to take a drink before choking on the liquid. "W-what?" He seemed to ask but it sounded more like a squeak. "Th-that's a good cosplay." He sputtered, coughing a few more times before regaining his breath, but his throat hurt really badly now...

Axel snorted, taking a bite of the sandwich. "Thanks," he said once he chewed and swallowed, "but this isn't cosplay." He took another bite, a little concerned for the kid now. "You gonna be okay, kid?" _Newsflash, kid_, he thought, _I AM Axel_. It was kind of funny...he hadn't taken his hood down for anybody as of yet, but this kid struck him as different, so...besides…the kid _was _a fan, right?

Kody frowned a little, "Oh really... If it's _not_ cosplay... What's your _real_ name?" He asked, this one was a little obvious, but they could play some video-game style Russian Roulette. "I'll be fine, just not used to seeing red-headed Nobodies in an alley way." He replied, and he'd seen a lot of cosplayers before... This just seemed different, too perfect. The voice was even the same.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Lea. L-E-A, add the X and twist it around, you get A-X-E-L." He took another bite, chewed, and swallowed. "What the heck're ya doin on the streets, anyways?" And jeez, what was the kid doing, interrogating him?

...Well, he had a sandwich so it didn't matter...he wasn't going to starve...for now.

"... You're too good to be a cosplayer, I don't think even the obsessive of obsessive could play you this well." Kody said quietly, his voice a little squeaky, but he was only fourteen, he had a valid excuse. The question caught him a little off guard though... "I ran away from home." He said after a few moments of silence, he hadn't found any better way to put it, that's what had happened after all. Axel sighed softly, not liking that the kid was right in front of him and had run away...but what could he do?

"Eh, well...thanks...but I'm not playing myself, got it memorized?" he chuckled and shook his head. "Well, you know _my_ name. Who're you, kid?"

"Kody." He replied, looking at Axel strangely. "So... Do you know how you ended up here, or if anyone else is here?" Kody asked, finally pulling out an apple for himself though he gave it a distasteful look. He didn't really feel like eating... But he had to, didn't he?

Axel shook his head, shrugging his bony shoulders afterward. "No. I remember fading..." The last thing he had seen had been Roxas...not Sora...it was strange but...even if it had been his imagination, he'd felt like he had a heart again; he had been able to care and be glad that Roxas would live on, even inside of Sora's heart. "I remember...the warm darkness that comes from sleeping a long time without dreams…you know what I mean, right?…and then I woke up not far from here." What if he really was the only one there? The thought actually bothered him a bit more than it had been. Kody looked at his shoes, trying to think carefully.

"Well…You're still the same person so…Shouldn't you be able to sense whether they're alive or not?" He asked, wondering if maybe that post on the forum... Maybe it was real, just like Axel was. This was too real and too freaky to be a hallucination brought on by lack of insulin.

Axel shook his head almost angrily. "There are too many people in this world," he sighed. He hadn't tried too hard...he'd been pretty hopeless lately, so... "Besides, should it matter if they're all alive? I killed two of 'em, turned on the only friend I had left from my homeworld, and-well, you probably know the rest." Isa...Zexion...Demyx…He'd lost them…And then Roxas...at least _he_ was safe and sound inside Sora's heart...

Kody looked thoughtful. "Well... I dunno why," he answered truthfully before looking at Axel seriously, "But there's no harm in actually trying. You guys are all you know here, And anyway... I think they could forgive you, I know the rest... So I wouldn't say that unless if I really felt it could happen." He continued on, completely honest, but also sounding very innocent. "You died, Axel, so that means there's a good chance you'll see Roxas again some day... But only if you keep going."

Axel finished off his sandwich and raised an eyebrow at Kody again. "Kid..._Kody_. They don't work that way. If I were t' kill ya right now, I doubt you'd forgive me. Right?" Not that he had any intention of hurting the kid, but he was being honest. "I'm a traitor, and I don't have much goin' for me anyways...why are you so concerned, anyways?"

"So, you're just going to give up?" Kody asked, his voice raising a pitch that made him cringe. Why was he so concerned?... "It might sound stupid to you…But I actually look up to you." He said quietly, his hood falling down a little. "So maybe you are a traitor... You had reasons for your actions, and they weren't _all_ bad. Just like everyone else had their own reasons." He said, looking a little embarrassed. He wasn't exactly sure how to explain why he looked up to Axel, but there was a reason. That's why he was here right now.

Axel froze, his eyes a little wide for a moment before he huffed and looked away. "Jeez...what am I supposed to do after ya say something like that...?" Talk about a guilt trip... "You shouldn't look up to weirdoes, you know."

__

Pressing her nose to the window as well as her hands, Leah looked out at the rainy and over cast weather pouring down in her miniature city. Tory was still off doing something for the day, leaving her with little to do, and pretty much no one to talk to because her friends were still at school. Looking at the fog her breath was decorating the window with, she decided a walk was being called for. Finding clothes in her room and elsewhere, she waited until her Dad left the house to go tell her Mom that she was going out for a walk. There was a short reply of "I love you, be careful, and be good." From the office.

"Will do." The girl replied before walking out the front door with her iPod in hand, finding the song she wanted before walking out from under the porch covering.

One thing she loved more than anything was the chilly feeling rain gave her whenever she walked in it, the tingling in her scalp as drops sank down into her hair. The only thing that made the experience better was good music and a good mood like right now. But it also gave her time to reflect… Right now, her life seemed so banal compared to Tory's, which was kind of like a reverse for them. Usually Tory's life was more so normal than hers. Apparently the tides had been changing quite a bit in the last few weeks, a lot more than either girl seemed to admit…

Walking towards the park, she knew that it'd be really muddy down there, maybe even flooding from the deep dip it had with all the hills. So no one would be there other than maybe the ducks, which was the point and perfectly fine with her. Everything felt so… Familiar, and yet she felt like there was something different about the park today out of every day she had come here since she was four. Especially on the rainy days, it had always been pretty much empty on those days just not today it seemed…

"Hey- hey, you know you're gonna get wet just sitting there… Right?" Her words seemed to ring out in the silent park apart from the rain showering down around them. The figure sitting on the ground barely moved, just waving a hand as if telling her to go away. Shifting weight from one foot to the other, she knew she'd feel horrible if she just walked away like that, he obviously had a reason to be out here. "Hey.. Are you okay?" She asked, and he finally looked up at her revealing his more than familiar face. What really got her was the eye patch and scar going up from the bottom of his face.

"Do I _look_ like I'm okay, kid?" He replied staunchly which caused her to smile a little.

"No, not really. To be honest you look like hell, dude." She countered, and to this the man made an irritated face at her.

"Well you're an _honest_ one aren't you?" He asked dryly before shaking his head. "Go home, kid, you're gonna get sick out here." He said, sounding like a grumpy old man to her.

"Nah, I think I'll stay here and get hypothermia with a grumpy old fart." Leah replied, sitting down next to him though she left some space between them. "You should really get out of the rain you know." She told him and he just shrugged.

"Nowhere _to_ go." He replied before looking over at her. "What do you want, kid? No one sticks around me this long unless they want something." He finally asked, more than a tad suspicious that a young kid like herself would be sticking around him. Last time someone had stuck around him this much was just a little before he lost his eye to that stupid kid, Terra. So his suspicions weren't unfounded, but he couldn't even begin to guess why she was talking to him.

"I know who you are Xigbar, and I think I can help you." Leah finally said, catching his full attention now.

"How do you-"

"Obviously you haven't been filled in… We know who the Organization is, and all about them. Some people at least… If you'll come with me I can explain it to you." She continued, obviously a little used to weird things like this happening, and she was kind of excited. This was the excitement she'd been looking for since Tory found Xemnas. Xigbar looked hesitant, this was some kid he didn't even know just randomly offering to give him a hand. Then again, she _was _just a kid, and this world was obviously _very_ different from any other he'd ever been in, there were no monsters like the heartless or nobodies yet. "Come on… I'm just another kid, what can I do to hurt you? Really?" She asked, practically reading his thoughts as she held out a hand to him, she must've gotten up while he was thinking.

"Alright, but don't you even try anything fishy, ya hear?" He warned her, taking her hand and pulled himself up.

"We should probably get you some dry clothes while we're at it." She said with a small smile.


	10. Anticipation

The ride home was quiet. It was just mom and I, and that got me to wondering what Beth and Xemnas and Suna were up to. Were they talking to each other? _What could they have to say to each other_, I wondered. The thought of Xemnas and Suna alone with Beth…concerned me somehow. I didn't really know why. It's not like them getting closer was bad. In fact, it would be great for Suna…he needed memories of his own.

_I swear…if I EVER find Vexen…oh, I'mma chew his ass right outta down._

"Whatcha thinking about?" Mom asked, bringing me back to reality.

She asked me this a lot in our car rides together; she'd wonder what I was thinking about while I stared out the window at the scenery. Usually my reply would be, "I dunno," but…I said something different that day: "Xemnas."

"What about him?" Her inquiry was neither sarcastic or rude, it was just curious. "Or just him as a person?"

"You've seen what he was…" I said softly, leaning my head against the cold window.

"And I've seen what he's become." I still didn't get how mom accepted these things so easily. She was an amazing woman. "It's not our place to judge, honey."

"That's…not what I meant," I said, smirking a little. "It's just…I'd expect a little more of an uproar about him being here…I was expecting chaos and doom within the first week." That comment had mom laughing, and I started laughing, too. "Ya _know?_"

"Oh_, honey!_ He's a _wonderful_ part of the family, and I couldn't be _more _thrilled with how he and you have helped each other along!" My heart felt lighter suddenly as she said that. "You haven't gotten out this much since we moved here. He—and Suna, too, actually—they've both managed to bring you out of your shell. God it's nice to have my daughter back." She took one hand off the wheel without moving her eyes, finding my left hand and squeezing it lightly.

Closing my eyes, I just leaned back in my seat and sighed. "It's…good to be back…"

_I_

When I threw open the door and stumbled past the barking, excited crowd at my feet and dumped my bags on the floor, I wasn't expecting to look up and see Beth frozen in place, turned halfway to stare at me, mouth wide open with a hairbrush near her face, acting as a make-believe microphone, Suna with the other hairbrush, and Xemnas with his chair turned towards them, a mug of coffee in his hand.

Animal I Have Become was blaring from the computer speakers.

"Tory!"

I wasn't expecting Suna to drop the brush and leap at me, either, but he did, and only my height saved me from being knocked down. I laughed, hugging him tightly. "Hey, Suna baby, I missed you!"

"Did you have fun?" He asked, drawing back and smiling, though he looked a little embarrassed. Suddenly Beth burst into laughter so hard she doubled over. I nodded to Suna, and he responded with a satisfied, 'good.' Beth came over and hugged me, next, and I hugged her back, immediately noticing something.

"You lost more of this," I stated in lieu of a more normal greeting, a little surprised as I placed my palms against her belly. She blinked, looking down at herself.

"What? I have not!"

"Yeah you have, you lost weight while I was gone!" I replied, grinning proudly. She was so much prettier when she was thin, she was big-boned, yes, but not meant to be chubby like she had been. I hugged her again, and she blew through her lips and patted my back.

And then from over her shoulder I saw Xemnas, getting up from his chair and looking at me with a sadly thoughtful expression. Beth moved aside, and I stepped towards him and put my arms out, and he smiled, leaning down, and—

Xemnas picked me up off the ground as he hugged me. I was a little shocked that he had done this, but put my arms around him and rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Welcome home."

"Thanks…" I mumbled, and he gently set me back on my feet, and I kept my hands lightly on his shoulders. "Are you alright?" His smile was an empty one, devoid of anything that resembled happiness.

"I'm fine, don't worry. I just didn't sleep too well last night." He rested a hand on the top of my head, rubbing my hair in a strange, affectionate way, and I could see Terra ruffling Ven's hair in my mind, and I felt like something squeezed my heart.

But I smiled anyway, shrugging a bit. "I know the feeling! Meghan and I stayed up till two every night…"

_I_

Beth wouldn't be around much longer. She was moving up north with her boyfriend, so she could take care of our horses with him. She was only at the house, now, until Papa's funeral…which was only a few days away. The fifth of January.

As much as I would miss Beth, she wasn't my main concern…Xemnas was acting a little weird. He was putting up a convincing act of "nothing's wrong" but I wasn't fooled. It was like everything had been reversed back to the day he had showed up here at the house. His smiled were empty, his eyes were hollow and dull, and part of me immediately went to blame Beth.

But _no, _Beth wasn't…a mean person. She hadn't done anything, had she?

I decided I would find out, and when Beth was upstairs playing Skies of Arcadia, and Suna was in the kitchen with mom, and Xemnas was at the table in his usual place, I went upstairs.

"Beth, what happened to Xemnas?" I asked quietly from the doorway to our room.

A shrug was her response. "Nothing. He's downstairs isn't he?" I glared, and she shot me a menacing look right back. "_What?_"

"That's _not _what I _meant,_" I stated. "He's been acting _off _since I got home!" I wondered if the 'party' I had interrupted before was to try cheering him up. Her glare softened to a slightly annoyed look.

"Mnn…" She looked back at the screen, paused, sighed, and set aside the Gamecube controller. "He's not good at faking what he thinks," she then complained.

"He's never really had to," I said with a shrug as the tension between my sister and I faded.

"And actually he's been like this since this _morning; _he didn't sleep well-"

"He already told me that!" I quickly snapped.

"He had a weird dream," Beth finished, glaring at me again. I jerked back, a little alarmed by both what she said and the ferocity of the look she gave me. "He asked me not to talk about it with you or mom. So leave it. Please. What it was shook him up. He'll get over it in time."

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. "How can he expect me to leave it? I don't like seeing him-" I caught myself—I'd almost said "so sad"—and then said, "like this."

"He doesn't feel anything, Tory, not yet. He's just got a lot to think about. He can't always pretend to be happy."

"Not…yet?"

"Tory, please, just stop freaking out."

"But Beth—what did you mean, not yet?"

"I'm not going to fight with you over _his _problems!"

_You care just as much as I do. _Even as my heart clenched and ached, and my head began to hurt, my expression became a blank stare. _You hate seeing him like this too, huh? _I turned around and yanked the door closed behind me as I left the room.

_I_

Much to my relief, Xemnas _did _return to normal by the next morning, and part of me wanted to leap at him and cry. I'd been…so worried…

I noticed the stuffed heart was sitting at his spot at the table, only a little ways away from his coffee cup, and that cheered me up just a little. Trying to wake myself up, I started to talk about Meghan, and what we had done together while I was there. It was one of our more uneventful visits, but as I've already said, I had cherished that time. Although…I'd been anxious to return home so I could unwind, and see Xemnas again. I was certain there would never be a day I spent away from him that I wouldn't miss him.

Of course, I didn't say _that _to him…besides, he should have known it by then.

_I_

The fifth finally came around, and Suna and Xemnas opted to stay and take care of the house while we were away rather than come to the funeral with us. They had never met my grandfather, so…it was understandable.

"_There is NO WAY you are getting me up there to say something."_

The memorial service was held at a small building. It was a little more informal than I was expecting, and for that I was grateful. There were about thirty of us…and I didn't like that everyone was complimenting how beautiful I looked in the dress Beth had picked out for me, because I was always flattered and the gathering wasn't for _me._ Once the service started and we were all seated, the pastor stood at the podium and was very…calm, casual. He wasn't speaking stiffly or slowly…

Apparently, this man knew the pastor who Papa had known from the church. He said that he didn't know Papa personally, but knew that each of us must have had fond memories. "I think this calls for something a bit less formal than usual…You all know Jack much better than I do, obviously. I'm sure that some of you had something to say." He smiled, a sincere expression, as he stepped aside.

Scott was the first to get up, which surprised me, because he was _not _the type to get up in front of people to speak. He told me stories that Papa himself had told me, and it was strange, hearing them from someone else's perspective. Stories that could get me laughing, and had me in tears. Somehow, hearing Scott talk about Papa from his childhood made it possible for me to zone out and still hear every word. I could see everything…and I realized that even though I'd known Papa for fifteen years, my memories of him spanned back almost sixty through my mother, my uncle, and Scott's stories. I wouldn't remember Papa as the grumpy old coot nearly as much as I would the young ladies' man working in the military, and the father that carved toys and sharpened ice skates and the man that had the pet raccoon and the drunken dog and twenty-three cats.

Uncle Jack got up next, speaking very quickly but very clearly, not quite as emotional as Scott had been. Beth got up after him, clearly having winged it, and then cousin Judy.

Judy returned to her seat, and the pastor was going to get up and go to the podium to ask if anyone else had anything to say, but I stood up first. I heard too many gasps to count, and a couple of laughs.

"If I don't do this I'll regret it for the rest of my life," I stated, in tears and not afraid of that fact. I knew everybody in the audience there, and wasn't afraid to look any of them in the eye. "Papa…my grandfather…if he had been less of a grump, he…I think he'd be as perfect as a man can get." I didn't know what I was doing. I was…I was just letting it all fall out. "I…didn't go to the hospital very much to visit him…because I hated seeing him there, and…and when I saw him at hooked up to all those machines, I knew he was almost gone, and I said my goodbyes then, and told him I loved him…" I wiped away my tears even though they were still falling. I went on for what seemed like an eternity, telling everyone what I had done with Papa since the summer before last, how the first week was hell because it was only me but at the same time it was the most, and best, time I spent with him. I'd been Papa's favorite of his grandkids, and I wasn't proud of the fact, but I felt like I should have spent more time with him…But I knew that he shouldn't have to suffer anymore, and he was better off where he was.

I was the last one to speak, and when I finally looked around I saw that most everyone was in tears and had tissues, and I wondered if I had really had that affect on so many people.

The memorial service went on for about twenty minutes after that, and then mom dropped me off at the house before heading over to Uncle Jack's with Beth. I was a bit shaken up, so I really didn't want to be around a lot of people at this point.

_I_

Life went on normally for a while after that, but I was watching Xemnas change more and more as the days passed. Suna was coming out of his shell, and though I _did _recognize some of Riku's personality traits, Suna was a bit more…subdued. For now, at least.

Soon after Beth left, a congresswoman had been reported as shot in the brain. I'd come in and joined mom and Xemnas who were sitting together on couch, both looking very…concerned. Xemnas looked almost disturbed.

"_Though she has been shot through the head, through her brain, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords remains in critical condition, but doctors say they are optimistic. Not everyone was so lucky however. Though they are not releasing names yet, among the deceased was a nine-year-old girl."_

Suna, who had been sitting in the telephone chair, made a soft sound like he was going to try saying something, and I covered my mouth and felt tears springing to my eyes.

Xemnas…I couldn't quite put words on his expression. He looked horrified, angry, sick, and the most genuine expression of sorrow I had ever seen on him.

The four of us would watch the news every day for the next few days, each of us wanting to hear more about the gunman, the congresswoman, and the little girl that had been murdered.

The gunman was a twenty-two-year-old, and they flashed a picture of him when he was younger. He looked disturbingly normal. The day after, they released another photo, this one his mugshot. His head had been shaved, and he was grinning without showing his teeth, his eyes black holes shining with nothing but satisfaction that he had been caught, that he was now known for all the hurt he had brought. I got goosebumps, and suddenly became nauseous.

"_The image is __**so **__disturbing, some are calling it 'The Face of Evil'. And actually, I think it's obvious why." _

Xemnas and Suna looked innocent and naïve in their horror. In all their worlds, even I had yet to see anyone that truly embodied such madness and evil. Even Master Xehanort looked…normal.

But this was new to me as well. _Never _had even _I _seen such an expression, so sick and happy with what he had done. Never had I seen such a man…never had I seen such a monster.

"This is what happens…when darkness takes over someone's heart in this world," I said quietly, not even sure if Xemnas heard me, because he was still staring at the screen.

_I_

"'Kay I'm up, hand me the first box!" I was standing with a leg on either side to the square opening to the attic that was in a closet perpendicular (did I just use a math phrase? Crap.) to Xemnas's and Suna's room, and me and Beth's room. We were putting away some of the Christmas stuff.

Suna pushed the first box upward, and I hauled it up without too much effort. "Mom says just put it wherever," he said. I dropped the box to my right side, being careful not to put it on top of any of the other boxes we had piled up in the musty old attic. I straightened up, rolling my shoulders and popping my back in the process, as Suna got the next box from Xemnas. He passed it up, and I looked around for the safest place to put the ornaments.

"Here." Hands took the box from me and set it on a smaller pile of boxes.

"Thanks," I said, smiling. And then I paused as he turned back to face me.

"Tory, who're you talking to?"

"Suna dear, tell Xemnas Saïx is in the attic." The man in front of me seemed to flinch a little, looking a bit embarrassed. "What…what are you doing up here? It's cold, dude, you could freeze." My eyes traced over the X-shaped scar on his face, and once again the question of how he got it came to mind, but I didn't ask.

"I didn't want to intrude…your home is already so small. I apologize—I'll leave if you want."

"Really, we won't bite." I smiled, still a little freaked out that Saïx had been in the attic probably since Christmas, but… "Please, Saïx? We'll all feel really bad if you don't."

"_Saïx._" It was Xemnas, and as I looked down and saw out of the closet, where he was waiting. Saïx just sighed, giving me the "why-did-you-tell-them" look that I'd given mom whenever she mentioned something about me I didn't want public to someone.

"Very well then." Instead of using his darky-warpy-powers, Saïx jumped down from the attic to the floor of the closet like a human being.

"Tory and I will finish up with the boxes," Suna volunteered, and Xemnas nodded, walking down the narrow hallway with Saïx close at his heels.

_I_

Saïx, too, was now a resident of the house. The animals were really started to act different—they were a bit weirded out by all the new people so suddenly.

_-Hey Zexion, _

_I saw that you weren't online so I figured I'd just email you. Saïx is at the house, now, too. So, let's see… That's I, V, VI, VII…let me know if you track anyone down!_

_-Tory-_

Sending my email, I glanced at Leah's status…she was still mobile. It was kind of early in the day, so I figured I'd give her a while longer before I started talking to her. She might still be busy. Leah, unlike myself, had a life.

…Kind of.

I sighed, leaning my head back a bit, staring at the cracked paint on the ceiling. _Damn…we still have a long ways to go. Will they be alright until we find them? Saïx came to see what Xemnas's plans are right? Xemnas and Suna showed up here by chance, but I doubt I'll be as lucky with the others…guess it's up to Zexion. I feel bad dumping all that responsibility on him…I know he's smart but he's only as old as I am. Wonder how tall he is…ah, off track again. Let's see… II…Xigbar. Not sure what kind of place he'd be in… III…Xaldin…do I even want to know? Dude gives me the creeps. IV, Vexen, maybe a cold place. Canada? …that just…no. Let's see, we have V, VI, VII… _I swallowed and my heart clenched up. _VIII. Axel. _I wanted to cry, but Xemnas was in his chair, and I was at mom's computer desk, which put him right behind me, so he'd know. _I hope someone found him… And oh, Jesus, Demyx. We need to find him, soon…he just doesn't seem like he'd get along well in this world…And then Luxord…another one I could care less about, but he's not going to get in our way so…Eh. Casino. Somewhere…He's probably doing fine, being the 'Gambler of Fate,' wasn't it? He's gotta be okay. We can worry about him last._

Suddenly the left piece of my headphones was pulled from my ear, and Xemnas said, "If you don't straighten up your neck will hurt." I snorted and sat up straight, rolling my neck around and cracking it.

"Thanks, but I'm fine." I tugged my headphones to hang around my neck.

"You sound tired," he responded as I turned to face him, bracing an arm on the back of the chair. "Is something troubling you?"

_No, I'm fine. Don't worry. _I started to put up the fake smile, but my stomach twisted and my heart clenched and at once the smile dropped. I couldn't lie to him. I looked down at the floor, shrugging a bit. "Nothing too bad…"

"Do you want to talk about it?"I started to look up but quickly looked down again, and shook my head.

"Not really, no…" A touch of a knuckle beneath my chin and I jolted, looking at him with a slightly offended expression that eased within a second.

"Tell me anyway?" He smirked, an irresistibly charming quirk of his lips. I nearly pouted and rolled my eyes but didn't, instead just sighing. The smirk faded, being replaced by a calmer, somehow supportive expression. "I won't force you. But whatever it is that's bothering you, wouldn't you rather get it off your chest?"

I looked off to the side, pressing my lips tightly together. I actually considered telling him about what I had been up to, but decided to put it off. "I'm sorry…I don't think I'm ready to talk about it with you yet." It was…painful to say…because I'd pretty much poured my entire soul out for him before, and this seemed to me like betraying him. But I looked back to his face at last, and the small smile on his face hurt like a knife to the chest.

"I understand."

_I_

Leah's status was "Singing in the shower with Utada," and considering she'd had that for a few days and hadn't changed it, I was pretty sure she was online.

- w - Five minutes passed, and I didn't get a response. –Um…I guess I got on at a bad time? I'll be on when you get here.-

_Leah is typing…_

-Hey. Leah's in the kitchen baking cookies right now.- I was more than startled, and I felt my face flooding red from fear of who could possibly be there. –She'll be here in a couple minutes, got it?-

-Um…yeah,- I typed in reply. –Thank you, I really appreciate it.-

-Not a problem.- It was a phrase Leah used pretty often, and I was curious…and still a bit nervous. Was that her dad, or her brother? Or her mom? I was pretty sure none of them were supposed to be fiddling with her laptop.

Maybe fifteen minutes later, the chatbox popped up. –Hey.- I was assuming (hoping) it was Leah.

-Dude, your dad totally freaked me out. T.T –

-Eh? oO- I started to type my explanation, but she was a bit faster than me. –OH! lol-

-?-

-lol That wasn't my dad.-

-What? Then was it Levi?-

-No…Tor, get your webcam, I need to show you something.-

_This cannot be good._


	11. Familiarity

Xemnas and I were both in for a surprise. I had the webcam all set up, and Leah did the rest.

Leah's face was familiar to me by then. We didn't constantly chat like that, but I'd seen her a few times. The man leaning down and looking at her camera, too, was familiar. The guy had a strange bone structure about his face, and I would describe his face as "sharp." He had black hair that, from what I could tell, was back in a ponytail, and had a couple of grey streaks in it. The biggest things I could see though…

The scars and the eyeptach.

"XIGBAR?" I screamed, jolting back so hard that my chair knocked into Xemnas's, and he jumped.

"What?" He shouted, looking to my screen. I yanked my headphones' cord from the computer, and instead of them laughing into my ears, Xemnas could hear Leah and Xigbar snickering on the other side.

"Hey there," Xigbar said, clearly amused. "You thought I was Leah's old man? As _if._" Reaching somewhere I couldn't see, Xigbar pulled a cooking into view and bit down into it, chewing as he stared down at the screen, away from the camera. "Oh, whoa. Hey, Xemnas! Long time no see."

"I told you it wasn't my dad," Leah said, all too calm and happy about the situation. If Xemnas was anyone else, I would have been sure he shat a purple Twinkie.

"Xigbar? How long have you been in Texas?" Xemnas demanded. Xigbar just shrugged.

"Not too long. Been living in the brat's closet." Leah rolled her eyes, sighing silently as Xigbar talked. Obviously by 'the brat' he meant Leah. I assumed it was an affectionate nickname, not him being rude. …Or maybe they'd been fighting.

"Show some respect to her, you should be glad that you were fortunate enough to have been found by her."

"Em…Uh…Xemnas? Do you want us to let you guys talk?" I asked.

"I'm baking more cookies anyway, I should probably check on them," Leah added in, smiling a little.

_I_

I was at my own computer, over in the corner of the living room. I was looking for any form of inspiration, and reluctantly went fishing through the folder labeled "KH." But before I started checking out the pictures, I sorted out yaoi and put it in a folder within that one.

I'd seen a lot of beautiful fan art, which I had saved, as well as screenshots. But when looking at a Xemnas screenshot, I realized how close they had been to his actual appearance, and yet…he looked so cartoon-y. I chuckled softly, going to the next picture. A comic about Demyx and a cookie jar.

The next picture that really had me pause was a picture of Larxene—it was very well drawn, I'd found it on DA but for some reason the username hadn't been in the file name when I'd saved it…Poop. It was a good one, too.

I was hitting the right arrow key rapidly, having seen all the pictures in my folder a million times before—and then I stopped and backed up once, twice, and felt my heart rip apart.

Saïx on the right, Axel on the left, walking away. Saïx appeared to be debating on reaching out to stop him. Between Axel and Saïx were translucent images of Lea and Isa, and Isa had caught Lea's arm and was saying something, and Lea was looking back at him and grinning.

Saïx looked…so…sad. Hurt. Axel didn't look like his normal cocky self.

It bothered me.

"_It's strange, how people in this world can bring moments like these to life, when they don't even know they were real."_

I yanked down my headphones, having barely heard the voice over my music. Turning around, I jolted. Saïx had snuck up on me, whether he had tried to or not. My first instinct was to x-out the picture, but I realized that Saïx didn't appear angry as he stared at my monitor with a pensive gaze.

Honestly, I wasn't really sure if I should say something or not to him. But my curiosity got the best of me. "Is…this something that happened?"

He looked at me, and his expression relaxed a tiny bit before he frowned. "It looks familiar."

_Have you seen this picture before? Or…do you—_"Do you not remember what happened?" The way he looked at me still left me a bit unsettled. It wasn't like he was staring at me like a piece of meat, or like he wanted to kill me. I knew it wasn't that, but I didn't _know _what he was thinking, and maybe that was what scared me.

"I wonder…" He looked upward, his eyes appearing to scan the ceiling for the answers. "Should I have caught him, do you think?"

It…seemed a little too weird that Saïx was actually _talking _to me. I usually avoided coming down when he was talking to Xemnas because quite honestly, Saïx scared the living hell out of me. Every now and then I would smile at him as I passed, and then I would realize who he was and…he just didn't seem right. Then again, Xemnas wasn't acting like a child molester anymore either.

_What do I tell him? What would he want to hear? Should I just be honest? _"You shouldn't dwell on the past. We can't change things now."

"Yes…of course."

"I'm sorry."

Saïx looked down at me again, and cocked his head to the side. "Why are you sorry?" He looked pretty that way, hardly angelic or innocent, but kind of…kind of beautiful. I wanted to draw him suddenly, draw that face, because I thought I would never see it again. Instead though, I put the thought in the back of my mind and focused on his angst.

"I…just am. I'm sad for you and Lea. I wish…you guys could have stayed friends."

"I see."

I pulled my headphones from around my neck and sat them on the surface my monitor sat on, put my Keyboard on the computer tower, and stood up, facing Saïx. He was, again, almost as tall as Xemnas. I felt small, even though Saïx lacked a few inches, and his shoulders weren't anywhere near as broad as Xemnas's. "It's not too late, you know—Axel is somewhere out there. You'll see him. I promise." I would have hugged him…I wanted to; he almost looked like he was expecting it. But after a moment he just turned and left the room.

_You hear me, Axel? _I thought, _You better not make a liar out of me._

_I_

"It's totally nuts. I mean, Saïx, Xemnas, Suna…things are so normal, even with them around." Jordan didn't say a word, listening intently to my every word. "And Xigbar is with a friend of mine…and Vexen found them, Leah said he caught up with them in a store. Zexion's with Lexaeus over in England." I was out of the house, amazingly enough. Jordan and I were in Eastown, not really with a destination…we were just walking through town to catch up. "Zexion says to avoid looking for Marly and Larxene."

"Yeah, I can see why," Jordan replied. "So…no Axel yet?"

"Disappointing though it is…" I sighed, "I doubt we'll find him. He probably wants to be left alone."

"I can see that, too…but man, I was so excited—I thought we'd get to see _everyone. _Speaking of which, uh…do you think maybe I could come over some time and, uh-"

"Yeah," I cut her off with a laugh. She grinned and chuckled. "I told him about you, he remembers you from the store." _Oh, how the mighty have fallen…he probably still hates working there._

The weather was nice, though to be honest everyone knew it wouldn't last. Winter wasn't quite over yet; there was another storm coming in just a few days. At the moment I was wearing my normal outfit; short sleeves and jeans. Jordan was wearing a dark blue hoodie and yellow shorts. We looked pretty Spring-ey, while most other people had light jackets and the like on.

Jordan started talking, but something caught my eye. Glancing across the street, I saw something dark disappear down an alleyway…which unnerved me. People never used alleyways…aside from drug dealers…and the like…and I really need to re-expand my vocabulary…dammit! Anyhow, our city was pretty clean but not without the drug addicts and the creepy old men. In other words, the city Jordan and I lived in was a piece of crap just like every other city I'd been to…minus the ones in Florida. Florida ruled, plain and simple.

"Hey…did you see that?" Jordan asked, her voice dipping lower than her usual tone. I looked at her, waiting for her to elaborate. "That guy."

"You mean the one that just went into the alleyway over there?"

"Yeah."

"…Em…" I scratched my cheek lightly, staring at the spot I'd last seen him. "Wanna head back towards your place? I'll have mom pick me up in a few hours."

"Sounds like a plan," she deadpanned, "I got the creeps."

_I_

"Hey kiddo," I greeted, glancing at Jordan's little brother before looking at her baby sister, "hey Sierra."

"Hey Tory," they both said, Sierra smiling while Todd just waved distractedly. He was playing a game…which, I glanced at, and recognized it immediately as X…as in Final Fantasy X. Big surprise. Ah, well, he was adorable, so I wouldn't swat him…

This time.

_I_

Jordan and I sat up in her room, going over random stuff, petting her golden lab, chatting about Xemnas and the rest of the Organization…which brought us to a subject I'd been trying not to think about.

"So, like…does anyone remember Xion?"

And I was silent for a minute. "To be honest, I'm…not really sure. I haven't brought it up to him." I thought, personally…it was sad that everyone forgot her. "Should I?"

"Well, you finally started to like her," Jordan said, shrugging as she went through something on her DS (due to the subject I guessed it was Days), "So…yeah."

I nodded. "Alrighty, then…I'll see if I can bring back some memories."

_I_

I got to the door before mom, but left it open for her as I got inside, braced my hand on the catpole, and nudged my boots off with my toes.

"Is that her, then?" a somewhat…bothersome voice asked. I raised my head quickly, eyes zeroing in on the big guy in my chair.

"Xaldin," I deadpanned, trying to keep the disgust from my voice.

"I take it she is?"

"Yes…and that's her mother, Melanie."

"Oh God, you guys just keep coming."

Xemnas seemed ready to turn back to Xemnas, but I said, "You could have said something while you were tailing me n' Jordan."

Xemnas raised an eyebrow at me, and Xaldin looked confused. "I can honestly say I have _no _idea what you're talking about." It was…weird. A guy with super-long dreads was _not _a common site in my city.

"Pfft…" I could feel the hair rising on the back of my neck, trying to keep to what I had previously been thinking. "I saw you go into that alleyway, creep." I put a hand on my hip, still glaring. But still that disgusting innocence stuck to his eyes. "…It seriously wasn't you?"

"No."

"Ew," mom said, shuddering. "Okay, you're not going to Eastown for a while."

"…" I looked at Xemnas, who was staying silent. He was clearly bothered by something. I couldn't blame him…but I was incredibly flattered that he cared about me enough to be pseudo-angry that someone had been following us.

"He disappeared into an alley the moment I looked his way…Jordan saw him too. It looked like the coat you guys wear." I gestured to the one Xaldin was currently in. "Been wrong before though. He might not even have been following us…"

"I want you to be careful, alright?" Xemnas said, and I nodded.

"…Um, hey…where's Suna?"

"The backyard, with Sarah."

_This leaves the questionable three and Demyx and Luxord…dammit, we need the internet back up soon! Zexion needs to know this stuff!_

"Alright. Heading upstairs, if you need me." I got up to my room, stared at my inactive monitor, and blinked. I'd dismissed a member of the Organization XIII as a normal being. Like nothing surprised me anymore. Feeling a bit dazed, I went back downstairs, stood next to the dryer, and stared at Xaldin.

"Something else bothering you now?" the Lancer asked, and I didn't answer for a moment.

"…huh. Nothing really surprises me anymore." Xaldin smirked a little, and I looked over to Xemnas. "Any coffee left in the pot?"

"There's a fresh pot," he replied calmly. I could see that his mug was still full, and then…I saw that Xaldin didn't have a mug yet.

"Want some coffee, Xaldin?"

"No, thank you."

"Kay." I waited for a moment, and asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am."

Silence filled the room for about ten more seconds. "…are you _sure _you don't-"

"I would have said yes already."

"…Suit yourself."

Beth came home after two weeks, but only for the weekend. It was a short, fun time for the two of us, and during that time I had gotten back into .hack. We watched the movie _Enchanted, _too, for the third time…and Suna got one heck of a kick out of it, and though it wasn't Xemnas' favorite (he stated very honestly that he preferred _The Sound of Music_), he enjoyed it. That night, I cuddled down into bed with Beth, and she woke me up at about noon the next morning.

We were going to head out once I got downstairs, but very soon, mom found that she had a flat tire. After an hour of waiting for Scott to call mom back about coming to 'rescue' us, she gave up and we drove to the gas station next to the CVS, where we had to get her meds. We'd found out late Friday night that Beth not only had bronchitis, she had pneumonia, too.

Xemnas had headed out earlier, and we weren't going to leave Suna behind…so we tacked a note up for Xemnas, and dragged Suna with us…not that he minded.

The ride was…great. It was quiet, and I was tired, but we talked with each other. It was Abby's birthday—Josh's little sister. She loves me like an older sister…which I would be, by law, in just a few years. I knew Beth and Onii-chan were going to be married. That…made me happy. Abby was turning nine this year…

I saw Scout, Beth's horse, and Katrina and Gater, a pair of collies that I hadn't seen for a few months…and they were puppies back then. They were still technically puppies now, too, but they had gotten _big._ Jessie and Kozmo were over at a friend's house, with another horse. Jessie was my horse…and Koz is mom's.

I saw Laura, Onii-chan's mother, and I also saw Abby's dad, Doug—and he's not Josh's dad. Onii-chan's dad is Dave, who is now married to a lady named Candy.

Anyways…we couldn't see Koz and Jessie then because it was getting dark so early, and our van was a loveable piece of crap…so…

So, we dropped Beth off, turned around, and drove home. I went back upstairs after kissing mom and telling her I love her, and played .hack/G.U. Life went on normally for the next few hours, until about eight o'clock rolled around.

I could faintly hear mom calling, over the music, and stood up and walked out into the hallway.

"Mom?" Within moments mom was in my line of vision, and she was crying—no, she was sobbing. It was rare that mom cried so hard, and I didn't really know what to say.

"I…I wasn't gonna tell you," she said between hiccups and sniffles. "I wasn't gonna tell you, but you need to know…" I said nothing. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I knew she was getting there. "Beth and Josh went over to take care of the horses…" Something had happened. One of them was hurt, or dead, or on their way there. "Jessie can't get up! I'm so sorry, baby…they don't know what's wrong…he's got a really high fever…"

I was…I didn't know. I knew I wasn't fine, and I wasn't going to go back to my game without a thought. But I didn't burst into tears. Instead I hugged mom. "It's not your fault…it's gonna be okay, mom…"

"None of them can get him up…" she cried.

My horse. My partner. My beautiful, beautiful Ali Jesreal. "Is it colic?"

"They don't know, Ryan's mom called a vet. I'd go, you know I would, but now we don't have enough gas, I'm broke and Xemnas's check hasn't come in yet, and even if it had there's no way we'd made it up in this weather!"

"I know. You can't do it mom, that's not your fault."

I followed mom downstairs only a couple minutes later, and she was still crying.

One of the hardest, and one of the wackiest, days of my life.

"I can take you there," Xemnas said to me while mom got coffee. I was…confused. "Corridors of Darkness."

"…What!" That, I think, was the first time Xemnas rolled his eyes at me. "Those…_can't _work-"

"They do. I've tried. How do you think I can get to and from work, and back from shopping so fast most of the time?"

"What!" I stared. He waited, clearly a little concerned about the situation and my momentary stupidity. "But—you've never been there-"

"I can get you _very _close. I've seen pictures of your old house; that's less than a mile away from them now."

"Tory, I'll take care of everything here." Suna had grabbed my wrist and pulled, sufficiently catching my attention.

"Suna…"

"What's going on?" Mom asked, finally having collected herself and leaving the kitchen. I just kissed Suna on the forehead, detached him from my wrist, and grabbed my coat.

"Xemnas just got one hundred and fifty billion more awesome points, and so did Suna. We're getting up to the Altona house." I was…honestly a little scared. Corridors of Darkness…Pete complained about them making him feel sick, and…well, I was a little worried about mom. Myself, I could…I'd be fine. Maybe I'd throw up, but I'd be fine once I got to my horse.

"Oh my God, what?"

"Nobodies can use these portal-thingies called Corridors of Darkness, remember? Like how Saïx popped in."

"I really don't like that term."

"Nobodies?"

"Yes! It's horrible!"

"Blame Ansem." I grabbed mom's coat and tossed it to her.

"Xemnas, you can really-"

"Yes," he said.

"Thank you…"

_I_

I can't get into details of that night. I barely remembered _when_ I had fallen asleep once I woke up the next morning. I had lost not just my horse…I'd lost a second partner. Horses are not just valuable hunks of meat to be sold for profit; they're living beings with personalities. They're no different than we are aside from their bodies. They're alive. They live. They hurt. They feel emotional distress, and they can be happy, and excited…

Micky…and now Jessie…

Did God…want me to give up? Or was this some cruel test of strength…?

_I_

Valentine's Day, 2011, was another big, twisted day for me. I didn't leave the house that day…my cousin Rod came over…then left. I didn't have a Valentine, and didn't really care, but wished everyone that I saw a Happy Valentine's Day…at least, once mom pointed out the date to me. But it was a normal day of nothing but drawing for me…until about 7:40 PM.

"Tory, will you get the dogs?" Mom asked. Sighing while rolling my eyes, I shut my Fantasy is Reality drawing folder and set it aside, getting to my feet. Just then a preview about Justin Bieber crashing Johnny Depp's…conference thing, and she said, "Wait! Oh. Preview, never mind."

"Make up your mind!" I laughed, rolling my eyes. I got up and walked into the kitchen, unlocking and opening the two doors for the dogs to go out. Gabby, Max, and Sarah went flying out. "Come on," I urged Gabby when she hesitated. I closed the door and started washing a bowl to make ramen. The dogs started barking, and it was odd. They were on the side of the yard that the neighbor's dog wasn't…and it was Sarah and Max. Realizing they weren't going to shut up, I went to the door and threw it open. "Get in here!" I shouted impatiently. Gabby came flying in, but Max and Gabby were nowhere to be seen…until I looked to the right. Max was barking and biting at Sarah, and I stared at them. Sarah was trying to get past him, and I noticed a long, dark form laying on the snow, and realized that Sarah had gotten something…maybe a squirrel.

Without waiting another second, I closed the storm door behind myself as I went outside in my socks, not really caring about the heavy snow I was stepping on. "Max, Sarah! What did you do?" I snarled, stomping a foot into the snow towards Sarah. She flew behind me, and I leaned down to look at the creature.

Immediately I felt my heart ripping itself to shreds. A wild rabbit lay in the snow, its eyes wide. "Oh no," I whispered, "No, no, no…" I touched my fingers to its shoulders. It twitched, but nothing more. I lifted it off the snow, and my stomach clenched as its head tipped to the side. I brought it into my arms like a baby (it was still warm, warm like a living bunny should be), running to the door. Max was at my heels, and Sarah was inside in an instant. She knew she was in trouble now. I didn't bother closing the big door behind myself. I ran up the stairs, because mom had headed up when I'd let the dogs out. She had the tub running, like she was rinsing something off, but I didn't have time to care. "I think my dog killed a rabbit," I whimpered, and she didn't move.

"What?" she asked, not having heard me over the running water. She turned it off, and toweled off her hands.

"Sarah got a bunny," I all but sobbed, bursting into tears as I held the little critter. I hurried into the bathroom, and without another word, not even her classic "oh my GOD," she leaned down, breathing into the rabbit's mouth and pumping its chest. Almost mouth-to-mouth, and yes, it can work, because she's done it before. Max was still at my feet, and whining. "Sarah and Max were fighting, and…"

Still pumping the rabbit's chest in what I was beginning to realize was a futile attempt, mom said, "You know he loves bunnies…" I could vaguely remember that…yes, Max was careful and gentle, and washed the rabbits whenever we had let them out to run around the house.

Max, my least favorite dog in the house, had become my favorite that night. He had been _protecting _the bunny…not fighting over who got to eat it. The bunny wasn't even soaked in blood, and so I asked, "Did she break its neck?"

"No, it probably had a heart attack…"

I felt like I was choking. The rabbit was soft, warm still. But its eyes hadn't blinked once. "If I had gotten out there just a minute ago…"

"Honey, you can't save them all."

"Max was barking to get me to come out…" I sat on the tub's edge, staring down at the delicate creature that had stopped breathing in my arms. "I could've saved it…I could have…"

"You can't save them all."

"Mom, it's still _warm,_" I cried.

Mom reminded me where the animal graveyard was in the backyard (like I needed reminding), fenced off where the dogs couldn't get them…and went downstairs. She wasn't disinterested or uncaring…she'd been through this so many times it had become almost regular for her.

"Is it…dead?"

I sniffled and looked up to Suna, and nodded, biting my lips together, even as I stroked my fingers over its head, smoothing its ears back. If its eyes had been closed, it would have been so much easier. When I wasn't looking, it felt like it was sleeping in my arms. It wasn't even beginning to cool down or stiffen up. In Suna's aqua eyes I saw sympathy and regret, and he hung in the bathroom door.

"I'm sorry," he said after a long silence.

"I should have dropped the bowl and just went out…" Every moment, every second of hesitation before I ran to the rabbit…I could have saved it. I could have been there. "…have you ever seen one before?"

"Not a real one, no," the silver-haired teen said softly with a small shake of his head. I gestured with a twitch of my head for him to join me on the edge of the tub, and he did.

"It doesn't look dead…" I said quietly. He stared at it, and it looked like he was between fascination and hurt.

"It's…so cute…"

"Sarah doesn't know better…she only had her mom to teach her to hunt…"

"I'm sorry."

_I_

I had a lot to run down for Zexion. I was offline for a long while, so…he'd missed a lot. He seemed genuinely glad to be in touch with me again (his mood was pleasant to say the least, but I was disappointed to know that he couldn't be HAPPY.)

"For the most part, everyone's blending in just fine…"

Zexion had smiled. "That's a wonderful thing to hear in these circumstances."

_I_

"_I asked her to marry me and that truck came out of nowhere."_

A little known fact to my friends and teachers is that I like action and violence. A little known fact to my online friends is that I like Grey's Anatomy and Lost.

The musical event was Thursday, March 31, 2011.

That was the night Xemnas witnessed my emotional attachment to something that wasn't real.

Calli was pregnant with Mark's baby, who was her best friend. Arizona, her lesbian lover, had asked Calli to marry her while in the car. They hit a truck, and Calli wasn't wearing her seatbelt because Arizona threw her phone into the back seat so Calli couldn't text Mark back, because it was THEM time. Calli didn't get the phone and didn't remember to put her seatbelt back on.

…She ended up on the hood of the car.

Within the first ten minutes of the show, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

By the end of the show, I hadn't stopped. The previews for the next episode didn't help.

I think at that point, Xemnas really, really knew me.


	12. Simple and Clean

Time was passing. Things were too normal now; the sight of Saïx speaking to Xemnas (the scar-faced bastard sat in MY spot) was normal, and Xaldin's occasional…visits…they didn't bother me anymore.

Suna was good with the computer; he was teaching himself little things about the world. He seemed really into history, which, I supposed, was good. For him, it would matter someday. Or at least, it probably would. I couldn't predict the future. When I tried bad things usually happened. Anyways, Suna was pretty damn smart, and had a good attention span most of the time. So I usually just had to explain the basics of something, and he could pick up and finish what I had started for him no problem.

I was proud of Suna, but I wasn't entirely sure I had a right to be. I thought of him as a baby brother (even a son sometimes), but…I wasn't anyone to him by blood. I was just some sentimental fool with a big heart and…well, I felt like I would upset him if he had any idea how happy it made me to watch him type away, grinning.

I knew Riku wasn't…an anti-touch person; he seemed pretty affectionate around Sora. But Suna never protested when I sat down next to him on the couch and put my arms around him and cuddled with him like that. Suna would lean his head back against my shoulder while I smoothed his hair down, almost petting him like a cat, and sometimes he fell asleep.

Suna's hair is soft, but sometimes he got split ends, just like any normal person. His hair had grown a little since we'd met. I had cut it for him when he asked, and I didn't whine about my preference being long hair. Suna was cute with short hair. Besides…Riku had long hair last I knew, so I figured I should steer away from that style.

His skin was soft, and real. Suna had gotten cuts and scrapes; they were impossible to avoid around my house. They healed. Suna had a long scar on the inside of his left palm where Little Boy had gotten him. It was healed. Tender, but healed, and pink, purple when it was cold. It had bled. Not a lot, not too little. He'd bled like a normal human being.

With Suna lying against me, I could feel the soft thump of his heart beat if I put my hand over his chest. Suna, as far as I could tell, had all the organs and functions of a normal human. His emotions were real, too. His soul-heart, I'll say so as not to confuse anyone due to the earlier talk of internal organs, was real. I wasn't quite sure how Vexen managed that and couldn't make hearts for all the Nobodies.

Suna was as perfect as a copy could be. Perfect right down to human flaws that fakes couldn't possibly possess. The weather was still cold, even though it was supposed to be spring, and the air was dry. Suna had to use lotion on a regular basis so that his hands wouldn't dry out, and he often got little flakes of dead skin on his nose.

"_After we finished up our last game with Tidus and Wakka, me and Sora would walk Naminé home. And then, we…"_

Another perfect flaw in Suna was his memory gaps. He had a lot of memories I assumed Riku had, too, but the moment he would start telling me about something he remembered Naminé doing, I would know when it was completely false. Sometimes Suna would be in the middle of telling me a story, and he would trail off and tense up. His eyes would get a little wide, like he could never be entirely sure why he couldn't keep going. The first time he'd started to panic, and then he'd gone on to hyperventilating. Then there was the crying, and the hair pulling, and by that time I'd recovered from shock enough to hug him and try to calm him down. It had been like watching myself from the night I'd had my math book in my lap, and I was in tears, panicking and sobbing and scribbling madly, trying to figure out a geometry problem that I KNEW the answer to, and had never had a problem with before. I didn't know what was wrong with Suna, but I went through everything I knew about him and everything that had happened.

When Naminé had 'smashed' Suna's heart, as Larxene had said, I assumed some of his memories had been destroyed. She probably hadn't had as much time to fix him up as she'd have liked.

This was an obstacle we'd have to get past, eventually. His memories couldn't be restored naturally, or at least that's what I was guessing, but I could at least try to bring him through the little panic attacks and either stop him from going on or ask him to tell me about something else he remembers. I told him it didn't matter whether or not the things actually happened, what mattered is that his memories affected him. I told him what little I remembered about my childhood. Being mistaken for a boy because of my short haircut…silly things like that, things that left a dent.

Naminé almost never talked in Suna's stories. She just sat back and drew, and drew, and drew, and Suna said he missed that (and promptly added that he knew it wasn't real). Suna said I kinda remind him of Naminé sometimes, when I'm sitting in a corner, just drawing (only then, I didn't remind him of her otherwise). Suna liked my art style, he said so a lot, but he often commented on Naminé's cute little doodles. I admired the way she drew, even if I had once considered it childish. I'd drawn like her, to put myself in her shoes. It took me a long while, and at my attempt Suna had laughed, but I wasn't offended. I think he was delighted that it resembled Naminé's style, if only slightly.

Sometimes Suna challenged my own memory, quizzing me on little things that happened in Castle Oblivion. He seemed a bit surprised sometimes when I quoted him, or Sora, and once or twice he'd say, "I don't remember that," or "Did I actually say that to him?"

"_Darkness!"_

One day I asked Suna if he could still use the darkness in our world. I was curious, because Xemnas, Saïx, and the others seemed to have little trouble. When Suna called it, the darkness came to him, and let me tell you, that jumpsuit looks weird in real life. He didn't bother asking me what I was doing when I took his hand and felt all along his arm, because he knew I wasn't being deliberately creepy. The suit felt like of like rubber, but…somehow different. Softer, I couldn't find a way to explain it besides that. The skirt felt exactly the same, weirdly enough. I was baffled; it seemed completely impossible for it to feel like that. I watched as a cloud of darkness moved within his grip, and Soul Eater formed.

I barely had to open my mouth before he handed it to me; my face surely said enough. He was careful when passing his weapon to me, and I was careful in taking it. Despite its shape its balance was fair. It was light, but heavy enough for me to be comfortable in shifting it. It wasn't fragile. It was pretty blunt all over, but I wouldn't ask how it did damage. I needed to let everything else sink it first. The momentum would hurt, it was a heavy object, and the power of darkness behind it would be plenty to fight someone off with. The design of the weapon was nightmarish and unholy, but it was beautiful all the same.

"_I don't get why everyone where you come from hates the darkness…it's so…so inviting."_

"_I think…maybe that's what scares them."_

Bright light made me literally sick. Fresh air and sunshine was nice, but if it was too sunny I could only stay out so long before I got a headache and nausea. I liked the darkness, because it wasn't harsh and burning like light.

"_Let's go outside, Tory. I'll show you how to use it."_

I didn't know what Soul Eater qualified as. A shortsword, maybe? It would never be my personal pick for a weapon type, because I preferred spears, greatswords, staffs… But Suna showed me how he moved, how to use it. We had nothing to use as targets so we were swinging at air, and I wished I had my staff so that we could fight. Suna would win of course, I'd seen his power. We had high backyard fences, so anyone on the first floor of their house wouldn't see it, but the little boy next door that lived on the second floor would be able to see if he looked. I didn't really worry about that, though. Suna was careful, he showed me how he summons Dark Fira, but he put out the blue-black flame almost immediately. Our fun time didn't last long, because I was a bit out of shape and cold, so Suna and I went back inside, and he went back to his normal outfit. He had a bit of a normal-sized wardrobe now, but more often than not he stayed in Riku's original outfit. The thing that stuck out to me was the necklace he wore. It was the one I had given him, and he always had it on. Mom had found a better chain for him, so it wasn't as flimsy as the one it had come on. 

Maybe sometimes I struck Suna as odd, but I was completely certain that he cared about me and trusted me.

_Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on, regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all. Nothing's like before._


	13. Connect

I didn't know how much longer I could stall him. He was fast; stronger than I thought he'd be. He was merciless and his attacks were coming in swiftly-performed combos. I knew exactly which way he would strike and when; but I could not avoid them.

Ultima Weapon clashed sharply against my staff as I held it up in front of me, my arms struggling to keep the Keyblade from hitting me. The trembling of our arms caused vibrations between the instruments, but at least I knew I was wearing him down.

The situation had a knot tied tightly of my stomach. I wasn't sure what I was fighting for or why anymore. What my opponent was fighting for felt…wrong. I'd been dying for the moment to unleash my wrath upon him and show everyone what I could be. I'd replayed the scenario in my head a thousand times; how I would laugh at his suffering and tell him how stupid he was. How he had been played. How he had been used like a puppet on all sides.

I knew how that felt, too. I felt utterly useless; unable to change anything. Watching all my comrades be cut down, one at a time…and nobody would listen. I couldn't save anyone.

A sharp, sweeping blow to my gut sent me landing on my shoulder about ten feet across the silvery-white platform, and I coughed as I attempted to get the air back in my lungs. I felt my staff fade to nothing from my fingers. It was already over.

Struggling to my hands and knees, I didn't move. I was in pain, though I wasn't sure whether it was emotional or physical or both. I knew I was too weak for my legs to support my full weight, though.

For a moment the only sounds were my own panting, ragged and loud. But soon I head footsteps, and I saw in front of me a pair of familiar oversized shoes. I raised my eyes to look at my enemy, and I saw the same anger I had felt towards him on and off for years, reflected at me.

Struggling to speak, I managed between gasps of air; "So…ra…"

I pushed myself up a little straighter on my arms before lifting my right hand, trembling though it was, to my hood. "I'm…begging you…" I fumbled with the material for a moment before managing to pull it down behind my head. I took a moment to yank my ponytail free from the inside of my coat, feeling a rush of air on the back of my neck. I heard a soft sound of surprise from the spiky-haired keyblader, and I swallowed hard.

"This…" as I wiped the blood on my lips off with my glove, I continued, "has to stop." It was getting a little easier to breathe, but a little harder to contain my feelings. "I'm…asking you…" I watched his features relax a little, becoming much less threatening and much more like the silly twit he usually acted like. Though he was clearly confused…but I had to appreciate that he was listening. "as someone…who's seen every side…"

"Don't hate them." I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, my shoulders shaking harder from trying to withhold the tears that were inevitable. "They just want to be _whole._" Something started to feel like it was leaving me. I felt…alone, maybe? But at the same time, it was relieving. "Gomen…nasai…" Startled at the burst of Japanese that I thought I had gotten rid of, I managed a choked laugh. "…Sorry. I can't hate you anymore. There's only…hurt left…" I pressed my hand to my chest over an ache that felt as if my heart was being crushed. "Hurt and…maybe…at the same…time…" I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye; but Sora's silence…it soothed my regret like balm on a burn wound. "I'm happy." Sora came closer, and knelt a couple feet away. "You can do what I _can't. _You…" A sense of urgency pushed me to look up; and I looked Sora in the eye as I lay my right hand on his cheek. "You can save him. You can _stop_ him." Sora's eyes shot wide open, but as I spoke again he settled down. "I couldn't…bring myself to _hurt_ him."

Something inside of me vanished entirely, and I felt weightless and heavy at the same time as I watched my fingers start fading into a dark mist from Sora's cheek, and I brought it closer to my face.

"Because I…"

"…_love him."_

Very suddenly I was staring into the darkness, the feeling of those words lingering on my lips even after they had been spoken. As the soft warmth around me seemed more and more familiar, I jolted into a sitting position, gasping.

_Because I love him._

_I love him._

_Love._

_I love him._

Confusion struck me even after I knew where I was; Sora was gone but it didn't feel like it.

_Love._

I slipped my bare feet onto the floor, darting silently out the door and down the upper hall, miraculously missing all the creaky floorboards. I was more careful down the stairs, but no less quick.

_I love him._

Gabby sat up as I passed her but lay back down when she realized it was only me, and I went into the kitchen and out the back door, stopping on the edge of the old cement porch.

_Love._

The air was cold, but pleasantly so. The wind was gentle, and the sky was clear and dark but full of stars.

_I love him._

With a near-silent thud, I fell to my knees and pressed my hands to my chest, a tear making its way down my cheek. I inhaled, only to find the intake of air shaken by my crying. "Sora," I called softly, though not nearly a whisper, "Please forgive him…"

_Because, I love him._


	14. Heartless

I'm sure it made an odd picture. It was something alone the lines of an end result; but I'm not sure where things had ended and where something else had begun. We were definitely an odd bunch…well maybe not odd, but unique. Tristan was in a mouthy stage of puberty filled with mega-brattitude, Kelley was in North Carolina, TJ was still living with Robert, and Robert and Kelley were separated. I had lost the house I grew up in, mom lost the goat she'd had at an animal sanctuary to Death, and Beth had walked away from Josh. Suna and Xemnas were reluctant to leave the house they had both been brought to when they had nowhere else to go.

Robert was talking to his first wife, also named Kelley, who was also having a hard time with her husband. TJ seemed to be doing a lot better and wasn't mouthing off to Robert like he had his mom. I was okay so long as I could draw, and had a place to go, and the move to my brother's house wasn't as awkward as I felt it should have been. Cocoa Puff, our itty-bitty kitty, had given birth to two kittens that were fathered by Little Boy. One I named Snickerdoodle, and Beth hadn't named her kitten yet. Both were little girls. Precious, one of Robert's cats was pregnant. We really didn't need anymore, but it was late for a kitty abortion. About the time the cat is showing a baby belly, it's not long before birth. Robert had found five baby starlings, and we had to take them in because they weren't ready to be left to their own abilities yet. Mom and Beth had done most of the feeding, but I helped when they were having trouble with them. I'd witnessed love-in-first-conversation between Beth and Meghan's cousin Chris, but even with all the support they were getting from both families, they were trying for a slow pace and to keep things low-key.

Suna and I were invited by TJ and his friends to hang out in the basement with them, and immediately things had lightened in my perspective. Xemnas liked speaking with Robert, and Robert liked showing off his stuff in Battle Star Galactica. Not just that, of course; Robert got along great with Xemnas. Robert was a little less…refined than Xemnas, but Xemnas didn't mind my brother's filthy mouth, or the constant innuendoes. Besides…my brother was just a testosterone-charged, adult version of me.

_I_

It was strange, almost, the first time I saw them chatting together and Xemnas had taken his first sip of beer. Lacking hearts or no, Nobodies still were quiet animated when something tasted horrible to them. I felt left out when they laughed over Xemnas's disliking of beer, even though I knew I could walk into the living room and sit down with them any time. Robert's tone was always warm and inviting when he spoke to Beth or I, and I noticed the way he usually referred to us both as 'sweetie' or 'baby girl.' He had done that before; the last time I had lived with him (Kelley was there, too. TJ and Tristan's mom.) he was really cute with us all the time. Had he…ever even yelled at me? Aside from that one time he was drunk off his ass, but…I yelled first because he had made mom cry.

I had no idea why I had been so scared of moving. I could start over in a new place…And I had Beth again. We were a family. All of us.

I knew that. But it still seemed bizarre and uncanny, how Xemnas and Rob were all…buddy-buddy. My brother, and my…

My stomach did a flip as I looked over Xemnas, and he looked back at me, seeming almost surprised. I blinked, a little embarrassed that I had been caught, but Robert quickly stopped anything from being awkward when he too noticed me, and snorted.

"Sorry, should I have not tried giving him beer?"

"I can't believe you have to ask!" I replied, my voice high and my words broken with laughter.

Xemnas was still wiping a little bit of the disgusting alcohol off of his chin with his shirtsleeve, a small smile on his face as he avoided eye-contact. I smiled at him anyways, hoping he would catch it out of the corner of his eye, and I moved into the kitchen to get my coffee. I hadn't been eating as much or drinking as much coffee as I normally would; because Rob was having money problems. So was mom. But besides that; I just wasn't…I didn't have the 'oomph' to get up and go get something to eat or drink.

I was unhealthy, but I figured with more fresh air and outdoor activity what with the horses, I'd be back above my level of normal. Plus…again, Beth. I had my sister. When I needed her most.

The weirdest thing was that Beth knew how I felt about Xemnas. I usually told Beth everything. I hadn't mentioned that to her, though. She didn't really confront me about it, she more…hinted at it than anything. But even that was enough to worry me a little bit. What worried me more though, was that there was no comment on how that would make Xemnas a pedo-bear if something actually existed between us. Which…Beth usually said when I had a crush on a guy that was just a little _too _much older than I.

But there _was_ something between us. Xemnas and I had something, but I was scared to ask what he thought it was. To be honest, I was more afraid of him reminding me that he couldn't feel for me the way I felt for him, than telling me straight that he didn't.

Taking a sip of my coffee, I settled my rear-end against the kitchen counter, examining the silver ring with a ruby heart embedded in it that decorated my left ring finger with mixed feelings.

"_When you wear this… Remember me."_

My sister had given it to me earlier that morning. It was a gift that made me proud to wear, but confused as well. Josh had given it to her on their first anniversary of dating. After four…or was it five?…years, Beth had finally had enough of being expected to sit in a corner while Josh had friends over, and had left the boy that I knew would never be a man. I loved Josh, but I had seen Laura's mental issues, and Josh's attitude had gotten worse since his mother had…I had talked to Beth about it. Beth brushed it aside, and now I know she wasn't lying to me to _lie _to me, it was because she didn't want to cause a fuss while she was already contemplating leaving him.

I wouldn't say that I didn't care. It was more…that I understood. And I was even a little happy, because not only had Beth found a great man to get to know who understood her, but because I had seen the changes.

And life would go on.

_I_

"Xemnas, you told everyone the location to come to, right?" I asked, stretching my arms above my head and yawning as I spoke. Xemnas glanced up to me, mid-sip with his coffee with an amused glance that said quiet clearly, _Be more specific please. _"Saïx and the bunch."

"Indeed." Xemnas set his cup back down on the small, cluttered table he was currently seated at, and I nodded a bit, not sure how else to respond. I scratched my cheek idly, looking up towards the ceiling. I wasn't sure what to do or where to go now; my days were pretty…inactive, and the internet would be off for a day.

"That's uh…that's pretty good, then…I guess…" Demyx and Luxord had finally been located and contacted. Zexion had told me not long before we'd gotten through the initial move. Well, Luxord had been found first at a casino somewhere here in the US, but Demyx…I hadn't heard too much about how or where he had been found, but he wasn't doing too badly. Someone had found him. I was beginning to feel concern for Axel's wellbeing, though. Nobody (ha, punny) had really discussed him as far as I knew, but though there had been a few small arguments amongst those that had met up with each other, things were…settled.

"Once things are a little less…chaotic around here, I'd like to call a meeting amongst the Nobodies." I turned my head back to Xemnas, feeling a little…blank. He was staring into the coffee remaining in his mug, looking a little unsure.

It kind of…fit with my original plans to get everyone together eventually. "I…" Before I could get more than that out, Xemnas looked at me and gently raised a hand for me to stop. I did.

"I'll send a signal to _everyone_. After giving it much thought, I've decided to allow Marluxia and Larxene a chance to join us as well."

I smiled a little hesitantly. "Even Axel…?"

"I've been reflecting on his actions as well. Despite how it clearly seems, Tory, there is no taboo on speaking of him." I laughed, a little embarrassed. "And refusing to allow him a place with the rest of us would no doubt upset you. That, and if I am forgiven for the mistakes I've made, denying Axel that same forgiveness would make me quite a poor example for those around me."

Giggling, I darted forward and latched my arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly from behind. "I can't wait to meet everyone in person!" I squeaked, unable to contain my excitement. I let go and backed up, clapping my hands together and giggling again. Xemnas looked at me, seeming somewhat pleased with my reaction. My heart was fluttering, and I was actually tearing up a little.

It was incredible. I knew there might be a little squabbling if everyone were to gather, but with Xemnas no longer insane and the rest of them somewhat settled in this world as well, everyone seemed so much more…alive. Zexion hadn't been uptight with me at all the first time I had spoken with him, but he'd seemed more and more relaxed after that.

Zexion was a teenager. Like, right about my age. He acted really mature and sophisticated, but there was no getting around age. There was also the occasional YouTube video that we shared, and sometimes he would show me interesting things that I had no idea had happened, and I'd show him cracky videos like the barking cat that made him laugh. Nerding out about games to him was fun, especially when I had convinced him to at least look into .hack/G.U..

Hearing from Leah about Xigbar and Vexen struggling to keep themselves hidden in her closet was hilarious, but occasionally I would get a chance to talk to one or both of them.

And I got that chance to confront Vexen about Suna. And Suna got dragged into it too eventually; I had him talk to Vexen.

Surprisingly, Vexen had showed what seemed to be pride when Suna got as in-his-face as he could be on the webcam about how he was his own person now, and that he would call Suna by the name I had given him and _not _like the product of an experiment.

From then on Vexen and I got along fine. Not that we chatted too much, but…Vexen seemed interested in the fact that not only the Nobodies, but Suna as well had wound up on earth, and he liked hearing about how he had grown.

"_You technically are his father, you know. You did make him."_

"_And might I ask what he considers __**you**__?"_

"_I dunno. A sister, I guess?"_

The members I had met of the Organization were…interesting to speak to. It was my goal to hug each and every one of them at some point. But I still hadn't hugged even Saïx, so it was a goal that wouldn't likely be achieved for quite a while. Besides, Beth was usually dragging Saïx around with her whenever he showed up. Beth, unlike me, openly hugged Saïx, while I was still hesitant to stay in a room alone with him. I wasn't sure what it was…maybe it was that Saïx seemed to have taken an interest in me…he was good at popping out of nowhere with a question, and then leaving without another word. Good way to get splattered with scalding coffee: Sneak up on Tory after she's accidentally put a fresh cup into the microwave for a minute.

I'd actually broken down and sobbed after getting the hot coffee all over Saïx, and though he'd taken it pretty well (he'd hissed when it hit him, and jumped a bit) there were marks for a few days afterwards. That was the almost-hug point: I'd wanted to hug him and apologize, but all I managed that day was to get a pat on my shoulder from the Diviner.

"_This is nothing, Xiactorvi."_

Xiactorvi, he had said. And he'd said it _right. _The blank, shocked look I had given Saïx earned me only a pseudo-curious tilt of the head. At that point I'd finally been sure he approved of my existence.

_I_

Leaving me alone with Tristan never really worked out. He was eleven, but he still seemed to act five years old occasionally, and the fact that his mother was gone didn't help. He was acting out something fierce of late, but I knew that the day had come for me to show him the light.

"_Pleaaase don't let him sleep in any longer. He was playing with his lego guys on the bed when I went up last, but…be sure, alright?"_

"_Yeah!"_

I'd been on my computer for at least an hour, and Tristan hadn't come down yet. I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt…maybe he was still just playing.After all…Tristan _did _really get into his work with them…like me and my art.

About the time I knocked and didn't get a response, I knew exactly how the entire day would pan out.

Sighing, I twisted the knob and bumped the door open with my hip while mouthing the word 'brat.' Tristan heard the door jerk open and jolted, his hands shooting to the lego men scattered across the upper part of the bed.

"Tristan." I said, smiling. "Come on, time to get up."

"I wasn't sleeping," he whined.

"Yes you were," I replied, my voice still not giving away my irritation. "_Come on, _sweetie." I grabbed one arm, one leg, and hauled him off of his bed.

"H-hey…stop! Stop!" he protested as loudly as he could, and I sat him down on the floor in front of his door, and he got up and walked out slowly when I opened it. I pitied the kid because he hadn't been feeling good, but it was past one and his sleep schedule was in shambles. Everyone else…including Saïx and Xaldin…was down at Papa's, picking up more stuff.

When Tristan tried to go back to sleep first on the chair, and then the couch, I tickled him almost violently and made him sit up. I went back to the computer room after that to check deviantArt. Once again I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt, but twenty-five minutes later passed, and he was passed _out _on the couch.

"Wha-?" He jumped when I approached the couch, hands on my hips.

"Tristan," I said firmly.

"I wasn't _sleeping,_" he lied. And I wanted to kick him. I dragged him off the couch and threw him into the chair facing the TV.

"Play Windwaker!" I commanded, pointing to the GameCube. Again I left, only to come back to discover him sleeping. Again. On the couch.

The brat had the nerve to be angry with _me _for calling him a liar when _he _was the one lying. I grabbed Tristan by the front of his shirt, spun around, and I went to drop him onto his arse on the mattress that was my bed, so I'd be towering over him, but instead I pushed too hard and flung him past it, the back of his head crashing hard into a chair leg.

I ducked down, asked him if he was alright. He groaned, curled up on the mattress, and nodded.

I wasn't sorry. I hadn't meant for that to happen…but Tristan had gotten roughed up like I'd needed to. We still had a long ways to go. I had him sit up so I could check his head. No blood, but a helluva goose egg.

Not too long later, I came back out once again to discover him on my special pillow, out cold.

"Tristan!" I screeched, and he jolted up, and tried again to say he wasn't sleeping. "Yes. Yes you were. Do _not _lie to me Tristan, you were practically droo-" I looked down at my pillow. Oh, lovely. Drool stain. "Correction, you _were _drooling on my pillow!"

"…Oh." After a long moment of nothing but silence and me aiming a death glare at him, Tristan wandered down to the couch, yanked his stupid hat down, and lay down.

"Oh hell no," I said, reaching over and hauling him up. He whined at me to stop and tried to pull his wrists from my hands. "_Look at me_." Ignoring my demand, I shook him once, hard. "What the hell is your problem?"

"I wasn't sleeping."

"Yes you were!" I snarled, straightening up and putting my hands on my hips. "Stop lying. It won't work on your father, it won't work on me."

"Shut up!"

Hauling Tristan to his feet by one of his tiny little arms, I let him go and stumble, letting him catch his own balance. "No, I'm the one in charge here! You think just because the closest person to your age in this house means you don't have to listen to me?"

"You're just making me angry!" Stomping around me, Tristan went out a door.

'_Little brat' _I mouthed, following. "Yeah, well you're pissin' me off, too, kid!"

He tried to keep his hat down as we were under the hot sun outside, sitting on the stairs to the front deck, while I stood in front of him, lecturing. Not quite breaking out the big guns, but those were soon to follow.

I got fed up with him ignoring me. I knew he was crying and didn't want me to see, but I was getting ready to slaughter someone. Grabbing his arm again I yanked him to his feet before picking him up bridal style, going in the front door with some difficulty of shifting his weight, before I dropped him carelessly onto the kitchen floor. And then the arm-grabbing again, and his whining, and sooner than later he was back on the couch, sniffling quietly.

I let him feel sorry for himself for a bit, plotting out how I would start the conversation. I had been right. About everything. And now that Tristan had been roughed up, he would talk with the right words said to him.

"Don't think I don't understand," I said a bit stiffly, my arms crossed. "I know exactly what's got you acting out worse than normal." Silence. Good. "I'm disappointed in you, Tristan. Is this the only way I can get you to talk to me? Beat the living _hell_ out of you?" I threw my arms out. "That's all you're used to. You and TJ brawl; that's all you two ever do together! All you've ever _done! _You don't know how to get attention without acting out or getting into trouble, you think antagonizing us all is fun and a good way to communicate, but when we turn on you, _you _get angry! You have no right to antagonize us and then not expect us to lash out!" He curled up tighter and hid his face further in his arms. I sighed quietly through my nose. "I know what's making you so upset. I'm not happy about it either. What she did was stupid and selfish, honey, I know that."

"A-and TJ's not h-helping…He's doing better be-because he's gone through it before!"

"And think how he feels," I practically _whispered, _"He's lost both parents. Without Kelley married to my brother, he won't even be Rob's _step-son. _And trust me: I know how it feels to lose a parent. My dad left when I was littler than you were. I didn't understand."

"She's…she's already wi-with some guy she hasn't even met…and she's _denying _it!" Tristan choked out, snot gurgling from his nose and making me shudder as he wiped it on his shirt sleeve.

"I know," I said. "And that's one of the stupidest things I've ever had the knowledge of someone doing." Kelley had left on Mother's Day. I couldn't fathom how someone could do that to their children. "Tristan, I love your mother, you know I do. We didn't always get along, but she mattered to me. But I have no delusions about what kind of person she was, and the mistakes she made." She'd made a lot of them…but I missed her. Though, I was glad I didn't have to live with her again. "And Tristan…I know it's gonna be hard…" I sat down and pulled his hat up a little, brushing his greasy blonde hair from his forehead. "But sweetie, you're going to grow up as a better person without her."

He didn't look at me.

"_I know."_

_I_

Even after that talk, Tristan persisted in tryng to sleep for another hour or so, but finally he had inspiration to build something and I stopped giving a damn. It was past midnight about the time everyone got home, though Robert had stayed with a friend down in the city with the moving van that night.

Mom had made sure, though, to bring Granny's rosebush. It had the nicest little roses, and they smelled fantastic…but it was wilting a little. She planned on replanting it soon.

"_It'll take a few months, but they'll forgive me."_

_I_

The next morning when I was on my way to the garage to take care of our mice, I stopped and looked at the empty space by the deck where the rose bush had been, and looked over to the area by the garage where it seemed to have been freshly replanted, and as I knelt down and pressed my fingers into the dirt, I found that it was incredibly soft: it had indeed been freshly replanted. That wasn't what bothered me, though, to be honest.

The rosebush was again in full bloom, the leaves greener and the roses more vibrant than I'd ever seen them. Grasping one beneath the base of the flower, almost like a wine glass, I pulled it to my nose. It smelled of floral heaven, and was stronger than it had been, as well, though the scent was exactly the same otherwise. As I exhaled, a name came with the breath:

"Marluxia."

I got to my feet, crossing my arms and contemplating what to do. Mom would be happy. Personally, I was pleased by the healing of the plant. _I'll bet you left that rose on the ice, too, _I thought, looking around for any shade of pink that could be Marluxia. "…Well, thank you," I mumbled, unable to raise my voice for fear of our neighbors hearing. I went into the garage, a bit paranoid now, but took care of the mice and went back inside.

A moment after I shut the front door, I heard the clank of a coffee mug being set down on the kitchen table.

"Something wrong, Tory?"

I jumped a little, looking to Xemnas. I felt my face heating up, embarrassed at my paranoia, and I swallowed. "Di-did you plant mom's rosebush?"

"Flowers are not my forte," he replied calmly, a suspicious look in his eyes. I fiddled with the bracelet on my left hand, and nodded. I hadn't thought so.

"We had a visitor last night. Not only has the rosebush been replanted neatly, it's already back in full-bloom." I rubbed the back of my neck, and shrugged a little. "Unless one of the others can do that kind of thing…"

"It was Marluxia," Xemnas confirmed, as though he'd been reading my mind. "Considering the bush didn't mutate and eat you, it seems as though he's not trying to make an aggressive approach."

"…Lovely imagery," I mumbled, grimacing. "But I thought you'd…wanna know."

There was a short silence, but Xemnas wasn't worried about breaking it. "Are you alright?"

"Huh?"

"You're incredibly pale…"

I nodded a little. "I'm not feeling too well lately…I'm just a little woozy though, and my balance if more off than usual." I smiled and scratched idly at my cheek, not too worried about it. Xemnas stood up, and only then did I tense up. One hand rested on my shoulder, the other moving behind my head. I stared straight ahead, not trying to move away but not sure what was to come. He was leaning down, and my heart started pounding in my chest again.

His cheek pressed against my forehead, and I blinked, his actions dawning on me.

"You're running a fever," he murmured, something in his voice giving me the chills.

Blinking a few more times as he pulled back and stepped away, I asked, "Am I?" Disappointment sat heavy in my gut, though I didn't let my mind wonder too much on that one.

"I won't repeat myself," Xemnas replied flatly. I cracked a smirk, a little embarrassed for my stupid question. "You should get more rest." I opened my mouth to protest this: I had things I wanted to do today. "I'll worry about keeping an eye out for our midnight gardener, so-"

Unable to fight a suddenly-overwhelming urge, I leaned forward and latched onto Xemnas, resting my cheek on his chest.

"Okay, okay…please don't worry too much about me." My heart tightened, like it was being squeezed, and I shut my eyes tightly. I…wanted to cry for some reason. "I'll get some more rest, okay?"

After a moment, Xemnas' right hand moved to my head, petting my hair gently.

I tightened my arms around his torso, only relaxing when he put both arms around me in a hug. Little tiny weights began to lift off of my shoulders, and the knot in my stomach slowly faded to nothing.

_The night is deafening when the silence is listening._

_And I am down on my knees and I know that something is missing_

_Because the back of my mind is holding things I'm relying on _

_But I choose to ignore it because I'm always denying them._

_I'm a bit of a manic when it's not as I plan it_

_Cause I start losing my head and then I get up in a panic_

_Remember when we were kids and always knew when to quit it?_

_Are we denying a crisis _

_Or are we scared of admitting it?_

_I don't know._

_I just wanna run to you_

_And break off the chains_

_And throw them away_

_I just wanna be so much_

_And shake off the dust_

_That turned me to rust_

_Sooner than later_

_I'll need a Saviour._

_I_

"Your hair is so pretty, Suna," I sighed, threading my fingers through the silver strands. Suna's head was resting on my right shoulder, and he was half-asleep.

"Do you want me to grow it out?" he mumbled, and the question made me laugh. I assumed Beth had told him my preference for guys with longer hair.

I kissed the top of his head before resting my cheek on it. "It looks nice the way it is, but you can do what you want with it, hun, it's your hair…"

"Mmkay." His murmured word was followed by a yawn, which was followed by one of my own. I heard TJ yawn in the other room, followed by a complaint from Beth about yawns being contagious. Mom laughed, I grinned, and Suna giggled. "Hey, Tor?"

"Mm?"

"You should play Pokémon."

"Why's that, dear?"

"Cuz I wanna watch."

Snorting, I leaned enough towards the table to grab Beth's DS, and I checked to make sure HeartGold was the cartridge that was in, and I leaned back and let Suna lean on me again as I started up the DS.

I was pretty content with Suna watching me collect apricorns, but soon Tristan tried to mimic Suna on the other side, and offended at his horrid breath and overall body oder, I shoved him off. Tristan happened to be at the no-personal-hygiene state.

"Go brush your teeth honey," I said, and he merely muttered and got up to do something else.

"Keep chasing him away from your games and he actually might," TJ snickered, pausing in rolling a cigarette.

"Go wash your hair TJ," I replied.

"Dude, the fuck?"

Suna and I both giggled.

"You know I can't get naked with Tristan in there!"

I snorted, and Suna nearly fell off of my shoulder. That was _not _expected.

This was our new level of normal. This was the humor I could indulge in only while around TJ and my brother (and Tristan too, but he was really bad at being funny. He has this thing with running the wheels off of jokes). Suna and I were both so tired, TJ farting could have set us off laughing. Yes, I laugh at fart humor. So does Suna, but Xemnas just shakes his head.

"You know Suna…you _can _play our games." I gestured to the pile by the PS2 and GameCube.

"But what if they're real, too?"

I blinked slowly, and shrugged slowly. "Gives you a chance to understand others…hell, maybe you should play through Chain of Memories."

_Which reminds me, _I thought, _I need to show Xion to Xemnas…_

_I_

I had dug through my KH folder for good Xion references, and decided I'd draw her out. I wasn't good with words, so…drawing was a great way for me to communicate. It took me a total of five hours to finish the picture, including the fine details and the shading. I approved of the picture; it looked pretty neat.

It would have been faster to just show him a screencap from Days, but…if I drew it, he would know it was personal. That it mattered to me.

Getting to my feet, I wandered out into the dining room, and saw mom reading a book at the opposite end of the table from Xemnas, who was…writing what looked like formulas down in a little notebook. He paused every moment or two, pushing his bangs back because they kept falling in his face. He seemed kind of…tense…

"Something wrong, Tory?" he questioned, my name being what brought me from my worried thoughts. He wasn't looking at me like he normally would, but rather at the notebook page he was currently writing in…even while he spoke.

"Oh, nothing," I said, my voice taking a higher pitch than normal, "It…it can wait. You seem busy."

"Very well."

His tone wasn't cold, but it was dismissive, and lacked the normal interest he displayed when I spoke. I stood for a moment outside the door to my bedroom (that lead to the dining room), and when he didn't shake himself out of whatever thought process he was wrapped up in, agony gripped my heart so tightly I flinched, and without another word I backed up, turning mid-step over the board put up to keep the kittens in the room, and I put the picture away in a folder, tucked it away where it wouldn't be knocked down, and stood there for a moment. I took deep, even breaths quietly, my eyes blinking rapidly to keep the tears back.

Xemnas hadn't even asked me if I was sure it wasn't important.

His behavior wouldn't have seemed abnormal had this happened before Sora defeated him, but ever since I'd met him, Xemnas had never been so…he'd never seemed so…

_Heartless_.

I knew there was a good chance I was overreacting. I was good at that. But regardless, I needed somewhere to go…no empty rooms to hide in and cry, though, so I went outside, passing Xemnas and mom quickly.

I crossed the short distance to the horse field, and ducked under the electric fence. When Kozmo and Scout saw that I didn't have anything to give them, they paid little attention to me as I walked through the grass and around the curve of the field, getting me out of sight of anyone who looked out the window. I found a horse-pie-free zone, and sat down, sighing heavily.

A tear spilt down my left cheek, but other than that, I wasn't really crying.

I'd be okay. Xemnas would go back to normal in a day or two. I could last that long. Maybe I'd bug Zexion…or maybe I could talk to him about it. Maybe he knew what Xemnas was up to. And Zexion was my age, so, maybe…maybe I could tell him how I felt about Xemnas…

Then again, Zexion had gone over ten years as a Nobody…he'd never loved someone.

Xigbar? …_I don't think so._

Lexy? …_Can't imagine it._

Vexen? _Well…he couldn't have been THAT odd-looking when he was younger…but hell no._

I groaned. I was doomed to explode from over-thinking on my feelings. They wouldn't lead anywhere, and they were only hurting me. I wasn't some Disney Princess, and Xemnas wasn't a pedophile. I wasn't sure how old Terra was…I was guessing sixteen or seventeen, and considering it had been eleven or twelve years, he was around twenty-eight.

In just over a week, I'd be sixteen, though…but that didn't change anything. I could…I could love him from afar. I could be happy with just his friendship. I'd managed so far. And…and I could keep it bottled up if I had to. Maybe I could smother my feelings for him…

Gnawing on my lower lip, I raised my hand away from the ground and flexed my fingers, black mist beginning to cloud around it. I gasped and shook my hand, making it disappear immediately, and held my hand to my chest above my pounding heart.

The laws of nature seemed to be very, very fucked up ever since Xemnas showed up.

But I could live with that, too. As long as Xemnas cheered up soon, I could live with just about anything.

_You want Xemnas to lie to you, _I thought to myself. _He's never happy. You can never make him happy. Every smile, every hug, it's a lie…he doesn't feel anything for you._

Feeling ill, I rested my arms across my knees and buried my face in them, that final thought setting me into tears.

_I'm such an idiot._


	15. Note to Readers

Dear Readers,

I feel as though I should write this for multiple reasons. You see, it has come to my attention that Pieces has many, many views. Over six-hundred just this month, and it's not even over yet, but I've also noticed how few reviews I've gotten compared to that great number. As of right now, a whopping 35, by dedicated reviewers that I have come to recognize by their account name or any nickname they give in an introduction.

Other than said dedicated reviewers, you all seem to be sitting silently on the edge of your seats. And I'm curious as to whether or not this is my fault. I haven't been posting author's notes or anything like that in the chapters, because I didn't want to ruin the 'book' effect.

I answer all my reviews, unless they're anonymous. Then, I kinda can't.

Anyways, I started writing this as a purely therapeutic story after my mom suggested I write journal entries during my therapy for other kids going through stuff like myself. Not liking the thought of such a boring journal, I somehow managed to come up with the idea to bring a character into our world, for me to bring into my home. Xemnas seemed to fit the role perfectly, because I desperately wanted there to be a way to change the outcome of Kingdom Hearts II. And, to be honest…I was lonely.

So, it didn't take me long to whip up the first chapter and send it to Leah, and…well, she seemed thrilled. She liked it, so after a little contemplation I decided that I'd write more. I actually really liked it, too, and…well, I started posting. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback, and considering I enjoy writing as a _hobby, _that means a lot. I'm grateful, so thank you, to those of you who have reviewed, and…thank you to those who haven't, for even reading this story.

It's not like you're going to be flooding my inbox and bothering me. I LOVE seeing reviews in my inbox when I log into Yahoo. Guys, despite contrary belief I'm really not popular enough to worry about the review floods.

So please. By all means, if you have something to say, or want to discuss something with me…review. Or message me. REALLY PEOPLE I'M NOT THAT SCARY.

Also, I feel I should point out to a few of you, that I really am Tory. I am Tory, Leah is Leah, and…well, Kody isn't a real character; he's the creation between Leah and my brains. So yes, this is kind of another self insert, but the opposite: what I like to call a "character extract." Because instead of me going into the game, I had the former-antagonist pop out into our world. Aside from things having to do with the KH characters, everything that's happened to me is real.

But, anyways…I'll try to update soon.

Toodles!

-Tory


	16. Mother

"Here you go, boysies," I sighed, smiling as I first gave Kozmo a handful of fresh grass, before moving towards Scout to give him his. I was feeling a bit better, having taken about forty-five minutes to sort my thoughts.

Sighing, I left the horse field, once again going under the fence rather than through the gate. I headed back into the house, feeling a little silly. I could smell fresh coffee, and decided I'd grab my mug from the computer room and get some.

Xemnas was still at the table, though now he was sitting back in the chair with his own cup of coffee next to the notebook, which he was staring at rather intently.

"Um…" I started hesitantly. Xemnas actually looked at me this time, and I felt a little better. "If you don't mind me asking…what is that about?" I pointed at the notebook he had in front of him. He looked back down to it for a long moment, and then back to me, sighing.

"It will be easier to explain once I've finished…" he said calmly, "And when all Nobodies gather. Explaining it multiple times would be a bit of a pain." I nodded, disappearing into my room for a moment to grab my mug before I popped back out and into the kitchen.

"The same kinda goes for what I wanted to talk to you about," I called, "But I wanted to explain to you first…" I poured myself some coffee, fixing it to my liking. "Because I know you the best." Returning to the table, I set my cup down on the table, and looked to Xemnas again. "So…are you still busy?"

"I'm taking a break from this," he said with a small shrug. "I can listen." I nodded, smiling briefly as I went back into my room again to get the picture. I got back out into the dining room, and held the paper out to Xemnas. He set it down on top of his notebook and tilted his head, his eyes slightly narrowed in thought.

I sat down where I had placed my mug, taking a sip of it and fidgeting.

"Do you…recognize her? Does she look even a little familiar?" I asked, a tone of hope lingering in my voice as I watched his face intently.

"Who is this?" The fact that he answered my question with another question gave me a little hope. To me, that translated as: _Yes, she looks familiar, but why?_

"Xion. Vexen made her, so if something happened to Roxas, she would have been able to continue collecting hearts…" Looking away from the picture, Xemnas looked over to me. "She started getting some of Sora's memories, and eventually it was too much for her…she kind of faded, and went back to Sora, and…everyone forgot her. She had gotten really close to Axel and Roxas…and even befriended Riku…but now…" I trailed off. I think I had made my point. I had wanted to give him a lengthier explanation, but what mattered is that I had Xemnas thinking about the subject.

"And what of Naminé?"

"If anyone were to remember, she would."

"And as of right now, Naminé is…?"

"Faded back into Kairi…like Roxas is with Sora." I phrased it…pessimistically, I suppose, and it made me a little ill thinking about it. Roxas and Naminé had deserved their own existences…But even so, I added, "Willingly."

"You seem unsatisfied," Xemnas pointed out after a moment of contemplation. I shrugged, and took a gulp of my coffee before I responded again.

"I still begrudge Sora for what he did. And I still hate Ansem, too. I never liked that dude…I can't understand what Mickey saw in him-"

"The same thing I did, when I was young," Xemnas cut in quickly, though his tone was gently correctional rather than impatient as I would have expected, had I thought he would have responded in such a way at all (especially given his earlier dismissal, but then again, I had been overreacting something fierce). But I was rather caught off guard, blinking confusedly. Still somehow retaining a patience even my mother lacked with me oftentimes, he explained. "He is wise, but still human. Blind to the mistakes of those he loved, but…" He paused, for a moment, and sighed. "He was like a father to me, and I adored him." Something sat heavy in my heart as I tried to comprehend things that made sense to me but at the same time didn't. Xemnas was telling me about feelings. _His _feelings.

"Do you think…if you could…you'd still feel that way?" I dared to ask, my voice dying down a little. Xemnas had expressed what I had seen as utter loathing towards Ansem the Wise, heart or no heart.

But, despite the small smile lingering on his face as he stared down into his half-empty coffee mug, he shook his head. "I take some satisfaction in his downfall…monstrous as it may seem."

I shook my head quickly. Xemnas was still smiling, and now I wasn't even sure he knew that he was. "He got what he deserved, I think…and he's learned his lesson. He's sitting around in the realm of darkness…alone. Regretful of the mistakes that he can remember." He glanced up at me, again, and I smiled a tiny bit and shrugged. "I saw it in a cutscene from one of the Kingdom Hearts games…"

"So, he lives…"

"Unfortunately," I added.

"If he has learned his lesson, then, I myself am satisfied."

Before I thought the question over, I asked, "And what about you?" He'd been about to take a sip of his coffee, but lowered it back to the table and looked at me again.

"I beg your pardon?"

I had contemplated my question this time, feeling a little…sick, very suddenly. "What would you do if you had the chance to do it all over again?" While I was speaking, I watched Xemnas take another drink of his coffee, and he answered after a short time of contemplation.

And to be honest, for a moment, his answer scared me.

"I would do everything over again, exactly as I had."

"Wh…what?" I laughed, a bit…taken aback. That statement had hardly been expected, on my part, and Xemnas' ever-cool demeanor did NOT help.

"Well, two reasons affect my thought process at the moment: One, I do not believe much I could have done would change even now, and two, I'm quite content where I am, thank you."

Though I calmed down considerably, after registering in my mind what he had said, I sighed heavily. "Only _content…_?"

Seeming to have caught the disappointed note in my voice, Xemnas stood up, setting aside his coffee. "_Tory_," he sighed, heavy with…something. I didn't know what it could be, if he didn't possess the capabilities of _feeling._ "You know as well as I do, there is nothing you could do to make me either sad, or happy."

It had been easy enough to live with the illusion of a happy family. It had been easy enough to believe that Xemnas enjoyed my company; that he was happy with the life he'd been given a second chance at. It was too easy for me all that time that I had spent with him to convince myself that no matter what, his smiles were real. All those times I'd cracked a joke and made him laugh, all those times he'd caught me singing to myself and smiled, I had wanted them to be real.

"So, you honestly believe you can't feel _anything?_" My mood was sour. I tried to temper myself, for Xemnas, because he had never lashed out at me for all the times that I had at him. I tried to keep my voice level, but the way it cracked on the last syllable told things he would have been able to notice even had it not happened. Xemnas knew me, and knew how I worked. Oftentimes he would stop my temper tantrums before they got far.

"You know what I am. I am incapable of feeling anything." He shook his head. "Tory, I am _nothing_. I don't even truly _exist_."

_Give it a rest already. You're a Nobody. You don't even exist! _The memory of Sora's words struck hard, and made me ill.

"I don't care how you got that into your head, or how many people have told you that," I said, my tongue feeling thick—it was hard to speak. "I don't care if you don't have an emotional range like mine, I don't care if you think you don't exist. Because _I see you, _standing right in front of me; and that face you're making at me right now, you're _frustrated_!" Reaching my hands out, I placed them firmly against his shoulders and curled my nails in, not enough to _really _hurt, but I caught the very faint flinch. "You're nothing? You don't exist? If you blew away on the wind right now, _I_ would still remember you. _Nothing cannot be mourned, Xemnas, and I would mourn you._" I'd already mourned him once. I'd mourned them all, and I would again if anything happened.

Too many things flashed in Xemnas' eyes for me to read them all, but the way he opened his mouth to say something before promptly gnashing his teeth together told me that I had struck a raw nerve, and either Xemnas was making a point of visibly portraying frustration he supposedly couldn't feel, or he had gotten so used to doing making a show of false emotion, or I was right, and he could feel things after all.

I sucked down all my emotions, put my own frustration and anguish on the proverbial backburner, and leaned forward, resting an elbow on the table. "Tell me you wouldn't bat an eyelash if I disappeared."

Foul play. I didn't believe I was being fair at all.

"Would you just sit there, and not do anything about it?"

I was being cruel. Deliberately so. The guilt was at the edges of my mind, and I'd be feeling it later. _If he can't feel hurt, then I shouldn't feel bad about this._

Xemnas stared into my eyes as he sipped his coffee, taking his time doing so. I watched all traces of maybe-emotions fade from his gaze, the same way I had made mine seemingly disappear.

"Tory." My name was accompanied by the sound of his mug being set against the tabletop. His left hand came forward, and as it reached my face I very nearly recoiled—but I know he felt me stiffen up, and I'm fairly sure that my act had flown out the window.

His hand cupped the side of my cheek, his thumb resting beneath my right eye as the rest of his fingertips brushed over my hair, settling there.

"I'm such a _terrible_ influence on you," he said, a smile spreading slow and sweet like honey over his face.

The smile I thought I'd never see.

That _I know more than you do _look, the one that…the smile I had always seen in the game.

I damn near ran.

"Why do you insist on keeping me around?" I pressed my lips together, and his smile relaxed considerably—back into what I had come to recognize from him as a normal expression. I still didn't answer.

"_Xemnas_," I sighed, shutting my eyes tightly. "I'm sorry…that was entirely uncalled for."

"That's odd, I think I more than deserved that…"

I opened my eyes and nailed him with a glare. "That's not _funny,_" I bit out when I saw he was smiling again.

"I'm not laughing," he said, his voice smooth as silk and thankfully no longer pedo-y.

A soft clearing of the throat made me jump slightly, and I looked to the bottom of the stairwell to see…thankfully, just Suna. Xemnas didn't pull his hand away. I'm sure we looked odd. The blush steadily spreading across my cheeks probably didn't help.

"Are you guys okay…?" he questioned, uncertainty looking out-of place on his face.

"…um…"

_Wow. That's creative._

Slowly drawing his hand back, Xemnas covered for me—"A minor disagreement, I assure you. Did you enjoy your shower?"

I'd forgotten that was where Suna had gone earlier—and, amusingly enough, it seemed I wasn't the only one in the house that enjoyed long showers. I couldn't understand how Xemnas could be out in twenty minutes or less.

"Uh, yeah…the air feels a lot cooler out here; it's nicer than it was in the bathroom."

I took the time he was speaking to straighten up and tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Um…I'm gonna go get more coffee, Xemnas, do you want me to, uh…"

"That would be nice, yes."

I grabbed both of our mugs and fled into the kitchen with the distinct feeling of _he's enjoying this. _

But as I realized I was holding back a grin, it occurred to me that even though I was trying to be serious, I enjoyed Xemnas messing with me a little.

Even though…I'd been a jerk…Xemnas knew me better than that, right?

So, I needed to try harder to trust him.

_I_

_Thwack, thump, CRUNCH—_

"SHIT-"

"Oops, sorry, are you okay? Did it hit you?"

"No, it almost did though." I reached forward and ruffled Suna's hair as he halted in front of me, concern evident on his features. "No, though, I'm okay. It just scared me." I glanced down to the broken stick in my hand, and then at the piece that had flown about two yards through the field.

"I got a little carried away…my bad," the silver-haired teen sighed, wincing a little.

"I should be thanking you for not holding back so much," I laughed, the sound a little odd and broken. I was a little out of breath to be honest; we'd been dueling for about twenty minutes, and though I had recovered a lot from my months of no true physical activity, my arms were still weak. I felt like I could take off and run ten miles, though. I had some _damn _good adrenaline going. The only thing that was getting at me was the summer heat—but it was around sunset, so it was cooling down quite a bit.

"I don't want to hurt you though," Suna protested, "I mean, I'm glad you enjoy this as much as I do, and I _know _you're capable of more than just physical attacks now, but I could seriously injure you if I don't pay attention, and that stick chunk could have brained you just now."

"It was a flimsy stick," I said, grinning despite his worry.

"Bull_shit,_" he threw back, "that was the sturdiest branch I could find!" I was only briefly distracted by his questionable language, but what the hell, it was probably my fault.

"We'll find more." Though, I knew that wasn't the point.

"Just because we have a near-unlimited supply of branches lying around in those woods, doesn't mean _you're _replaceable. There's only one _you, _and if anything happens…" His voice was strained, though he didn't quite look near tears yet.

I blinked. And then, I sighed, and reached out with shaky arms as he banished Soul Eater. He threw his arms around my waist and put his chin on my shoulder, and dismayed as I was that we were both sweaty and we'd probably both have to take another shower today, I couldn't bring myself to mind the hug that I had offered in the first place.

"Oh, baby," I sighed, stroking his hair. I still couldn't get over the fact that it was such a pretty, pretty shade of silver, but that was the least of my worries. "Have some faith in yourself…you _know _when to stop swinging. _I _trust you." I leaned my cheek against his hair, stroking his back with my free hand. He said nothing, but his breathing was steadier than mine was, so I could be sure he wasn't crying. I was glad for that; it always killed me to see him crying.

I could also, faintly, make out the feeling of the necklace I had given him pressing into my collar bone.

It was August, and I'd given that to him back on _Christmas…_

_Time sure flies, huh? _I couldn't make myself break the quiet around us; though. I could hear the bugs, always talking, chirping, buzzing; it was never _truly _quiet, but it was a peaceful, steady noise.

But as a more pressing thought came to mind, I found myself willing to speak. "Suna?"

"Yeah?"

I sighed, happily. His voice was steady, and had we been speaking in the house, with him at the couch, he could have been bored. But it seemed he was simply content with the embrace, despite the remaining heat it was comfortable.

"You know I love you, right?" I said 'I love you' to my family and friends all the time, but I couldn't be sure whether or not I'd actually _said _those words to Suna directly. My memory was horrible lately.

He sighed, as I had only moments ago, and it was silent again for a few more moments before he replied. "Yeah."

I was half a second away from saying _Good, _when he added something.

"I love you too."

I momentarily tightened my arms around him, and he returned the gesture. "You and Xemnas both, you're truly the miracles of my life."

"…You love him, too, right?" The question came after an awkward pause, and he was a little tense.

I bit my lip for a moment, thinking of a way to answer that. _Well, Suna, in a different way than you, I do, it's complicated, but—_"Yep." It came out calm, casual—though it was a sigh. A tired one.

"He said he didn't exist again, earlier…didn't he? That's why you were upset?"

_I wonder if Riku was this quick to come to the correct conclusion all the time…_ "Yeah…have you had a similar conversation with him?"

"Kinda…it started off with me asking why, since Vexen made a heart for me, he couldn't just do the same for everyone in the Organization…and…well, one thing led to another, and at some point he mentioned that there was no longer a real heart within their grasp which they could replicate…I don't know, it was weird."

"Xemnas _is _an incredibly strange and complicated man."

"But that's why you feel the way you do, right? If he was any different, you wouldn't feel the way you do."

I laughed, though the only way Suna could tell was most likely that I shook a little, silently. "You're not weirded out. At all." I felt him shifting slightly in my arms, and I let him pull away from our embrace. He was giving me an odd look. "You don't really want to talk about this, do you?"

He shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck—wait, had he picked that up from _me?_

"It's not…like it's something I'd just normally bring up, and I can't really relate to feeling that way for someone who can't feel the same, but…" I didn't press as he spoke, and I made an effort not to sigh. "I don't talk to Xemnas a lot when we're alone."

_I know, _I thought, licking my dry lips and looking down at the ground before raising my eyes back up, finding that Suna had finally gathered the courage to look me in the eye.

"B-but, even…then…" he shook his head faintly, shutting his eyes for a moment. "You're still both my family, and it…bothers me to see him like that." My heart clenched, and I pressed my lips tightly together, trying to keep back any threatening tears. "I hate seeing _either of you _like that."

Another sigh finally fell from my lips, and I looked around the area, searching for the horses so I'd have something to look for—still on the other side of the field, grazing.

"How obvious is it, Suna?" I asked, playing with a piece of hair that had fallen loose from my ponytail.

"Aside from your sister, I don't…think anyone's really paid enough attention to notice."

"God," I sighed, before directed my speech to Suna, "And my feelings for Xemnas…_don't _bother you…?"

I looked to Suna, finding myself blushing awkwardly. He shrugged, the motion relatively slow and relaxed.

"No, not really." The smirk that tugged at his lips reminded me very much of the boy he was created to be. "I'm just worried about…if he left, I mean, I don't know…"

"He's not going anywhere," I said very quickly, and despite the rushed-ness of my words, I was smiling. Suna looked at me, curious. "He said he wouldn't leave if I didn't want him to. Back when he was still getting back on his own two feet…before I found you."

Suna glanced away, then back. "You're still holding him to that…?"

"Always," I replied firmly, the smile on my face definitely genuine this time.

"But…" he sounded a little unsure. "What if he did leave?"

I shrugged. "My heart's been broken before. I've had to put it back together on my own…last time Xemnas helped, and you did, too, and I could do it again without him. I'd still have you, after all." Suna blinked. My smile broadened and I closed my eyes for a second, and in that moment there was tension, before it broke.

"…_Mom,_" Suna blurted suddenly in a voice so strained it didn't sound like him at all, and I opened my eyes just in time to see him coming towards me, and then he was hugging me, and I looked around for my mother, but she was nowhere to be seen, and that meant—

…wait…

Suna was tense, and his face was buried against my shoulder, and he didn't seem to be relaxing in the moments that I wasn't hugging him back.

I swallowed, and felt my eyes stinging with tears as I brought my arms up slowly to hold Suna against me, and he relaxed, considerably, fairly quickly.

_I've certainly been through enough, _I thought, closing my eyes and leaning into the boy in front of me more fully, _to __**feel **__old enough to be a mother._

"I wouldn't leave you all alone to go chasing after Xemnas," I murmured, "But no matter how distant he can occasionally get, and even if we have our creepy glaring matches-" he sputtered a laugh, snorting, the sound muffled by my shoulder—"for now, let's have faith, okay?"

"O-okay…"

I could feel tears trickling down the left side of my face, but I was beaming.


	17. Changed

_Tomorrow, Xemnas will send the signal. Everyone will be here. _Maybe I was being too hopeful, but I was cleaning the house by myself because _I _was the one who would be entertaining the guests.

Well, Xemnas and Suna were working at a couple of things, too—but I told them I didn't want them doing much. I hated cleaning with a passion, but I was challenging myself for the sake of the Organization.

I needed the dining room and the living room to be cleaned out, because the entire Organization, even minus Roxas, wasn't going to fit into just one of those rooms. I fully planned on acting as a waitress; both coffee pots were working, set up next to each other…I had multiple types of tea, and I supposed if anyone got hungry, I could attempt to cook.

"So, Zexion will be coming to see you, right?"

I looked over to the staircase, where Suna sat on the fourth step up, tugging a pair of socks on. "Not necessarily to see me," I replied, "but yeah, he's coming." I almost asked _why, did you want to talk to him, _when I noticed the shadowed expression on my…

_Suna's not my little brother, and even though he called me 'mom' not too long ago, I can't just out and call him my son…_

"I think maybe I should stay out of the house when everyone gathers here."

"Ah…ahhh-" My throat had gone dry; I remembered then how Suna and Zexion had interacted, what Suna had done under Axel's 'suggestion.' "H…hey, baby, don't…worry about that."

"But, I…he's you friend, right? I don't want him uncomfortable around you just because-"

"He knows I took you in," I cut Suna off quickly, scrambling for something to continue talking with. "He knows that you live here, and he's too prideful to run away just because of that. If…if Zexion is my friend, he'll trust me, even if he's wary of you. The point of everyone gathering here tomorrow is to reestablish trust among the Organization."

He eyed me, unsure of what to make my statement.

"Indeed." I jumped a little, and Suna did as well. Turning, I saw Xemnas was still sweeping in the kitchen, but his hearing was, of course, pretty good… "If we can not put all our wrongs behind us, and start anew, any alliance-forming attempts would be…"

"Shot?" I suggested, "Pointless, utterly idiotic?"

"Thank you," Xemnas chuckled, rolling his eyes. That was the first time I'd really seen that gesture from him, and it made him look oddly…childish. "Honestly, Tory, my vocabulary hasn't suffered _that _much, I could have come up with something witty after a moment."

The darker half of my mind told me that he was feigning amusement, while my present state of 'self' also chimed in that Xemnas was as close to amused as he could be, and I should be satisfied with that much. Because not _everyone _held onto the bad things like I did, and Xemnas, almost surely, had put that little…incident…behind him. It was up to me to leave it behind as well, and not pick it up as a convenient tool during an argument later.

Suna made a sound that reminded me of Riku, all huffy laughter, like he thought we were being idiots, but as I looked at the boy, I realized that it had grown increasingly more difficult to see anything of Riku in his eyes or the smirk on his mouth. Even if Riku had smirked the same way, I knew that he would never have been so comfortably honest with Xemnas around. "Aren't either of you nervous, or am I the only one?"

"I'm terrified everyone going to try killing each other," I confessed with a shrug that didn't let on just how physically ill the thought made me. "Which is why I tried to contact as many of them as I could beforehand." It hadn't gone perfectly, but I had established a bond of trust with Zexion for sure, and Lexaeus seemed content to listen to me when I spoke…Vexen and I could relate over Suna, though that wasn't much to go on, but at least there was Xigbar, who was content with staying out of any trouble beyond stealing cookies from the kitchen while Leah's dad wasn't looking.

Marluxia and Larxene hadn't killed me yet, but Marluxia's presence was enough confirmation of Larxene's for me to be sure that she was with him. I trusted Marluxia not to do anything rash, if he chose to finally show his face, and I was sure he would—he'd already proved that he was _there _to me…

Luxord was thriving on the American gambling system, Demyx was safe and sound, apparently, as was Xaldin…and Saïx was never far from us.

Saïx wasn't going to kill me. That was all that mattered to me, for a while. That Saïx wasn't out to betray anyone anymore, or slit any throats…but honestly, I saw him as a friend. Maybe even another family member.

Axel was the only one that I was unsure of.

And to be honest, by now…my thoughts had come down to two different views on the situation: _He probably found somewhere to be, a place to fit in, and doesn't want to go back to _this.

And

_Will Isa be okay with it?_

Because as much as I adored Axel, and as hard as I had cried at his 'death,' this was real life, not a video game. I could go my whole life without any word on Axel, and I could either let it eat at me, or let it go. And for once, I was choosing to let it go. It wouldn't be easy, but after so much stress (enough to literally cause myself brain damage, actually, which yes, I apparently did), my Give-A-Damn had an on/off switch of sorts. I felt bad sometimes when I turned it off, but then it was only a matter "ah, well, not my problem anymore" before I could just sit there and let everyone else involved stew and be angry as long as they wanted while I simply took a nap or a bath.

"I'm choosing to be…positive, in my thoughts, at the moment," Xemnas stated after a long pause, filled with the sound from the refrigerator and the sweeping of the old broom in his hands.

"Cautiously optimistic?"

"Something like that." Xemnas raised his head as he spoke, smiling slightly at Suna. I looked at my adopted little brother/son just in time to see him swallow, smile, and look down abruptly.

If I didn't know better, I'd say Suna was terrified of what tomorrow would bring.

And then I realized that I couldn't be sure that I _did _know better.

"What will happen, will happen," I said quietly, shrugging a little. "And…" I reached over the gate at the bottom of the stairs, taking Suna by the hands so that he stood, and he stepped over the barrier when I started backing up. "Whatever _does _happen…" I started pulling Suna towards the kitchen. "Doesn't change the fact, that…" Xemnas looked over, and I reached for his hand, taking it firmly when he reached for mine as well, and I tugged him towards the two of us. "_We _are a family. And no amount of Nobodies or Anybodies are going to take that away from us."

One arm around Suna's shoulders and one around mine, and Xemnas had us both leaning against him. I was silently thrilled, because Xemnas wasn't as huggy as I was and he normally didn't take the initiative with them, and that he was _smiling._

If content was as close as he could be to happy, then I would work to keep that spark there in Xemnas' eye.

_I_

I'm not a healthy child. I never really have been. I've lived my life in a family that should have been stomped out long ago; we live on the edge and are forever struggling with money issues, health issues, and some legal issues. I hadn't had a steady home that lasted more than a true, honest, relaxing year, and when I'd moved to my brother's home, I still didn't have much hope for the world.

My grandfather's death was coming back around to the forefront of my mind, and I had been crying, on and off, more than half a year later, because I missed him.

I hadn't been taking my medication, and didn't plan on doing so—my period used to skip months and months, then come crashing down and cause me immense pain. I'd stopped about a month and ever since, I'd had regular, easy menstrual cycles.

I might not have been going back to school, because I was scared to, but I found myself wanting to socialize, wanting to sit with my nephews and nerd out over a game, and I was spending less time wishing my sister didn't have more time for me.

Suna had taken to sitting outside and drawing the horses.

Xemnas had taken to visiting with Robert and our neighbor, who was about as eccentric as everyone in our family.

I had found myself becoming less cautious in approaching others, and I was making a conscious effort to rid myself of the air of "leave me alone" that floated around me. TJ had a lovely, beautiful girlfriend (It was scary how gorgeous the two of them looked next to each other) who had convinced him to go back to school once it had started up, and I noticed that he was…_loopy, _if you get my drift, less and less often. In fact, he wasn't often like that at all anymore…he also had a couple of good friends he had over often, one less often than the other, but both seemed content to have me around with them too.

Tristan had a friend he had over often as well, and I was surprised how many people were so accepting of the abundance of animals we had.

Snickerdoodle may have had a home getting ready for her, too. That was a bittersweet thought for me, but I figured I should keep that bitterness for myself and let Snickers enjoy herself if she got taken away. It was better that way, anyhow. I trusted that family, even if the youngest daughter was a little…

The youngest daughter wasn't right in the head completely, but she was a nice kid, and meant well, even if she was hard for me to put up with. I was bad with that kind of thing, but it would have been easier for me if I could have found a common ground to speak to her on.

He older sister was adorable, her older _brother _was one of the sweetest males I'd ever known in my entire life, and their mother was a wonderful person, and their father knew my mother from…

Well, they were childhood friends, from what I gathered.

There weren't many common grounds to reconnect over now for them, but it seemed they were content just to catch up and introduce their families.

Which meant I had a couple of new acquaintances, but I didn't mind. They weren't around all the time anyhow. Suna liked them, though, and was much more content with socializing whenever they were around. Xemnas, however, like me, preferred to mostly keep to himself…

It made me feel special that Xemnas almost always had time for me, if he wasn't in the middle of something important. That didn't happen too often, but I worried it might if the Organization was built back up. But…if it did, I could wait. I didn't need to be the center of attention, and I would stop being so overdramatic all the time.

I was almost content enough with life not to be curious about what he planned to do. I dared to be confident that he wouldn't abandon me though. He felt at least sort of indebted to me. I could set my pride aside long enough to be petty, if he tried to dump Suna and me and just go have a jolly good time stealing hearts again.

He wouldn't, of course.

But as I looked out the kitchen door and spotted the almost-overgrown rosebush, I wondered if it was Xemnas I had to worry about.

And at that moment, my thoughts turned to Marluxia. The Graceful Assassin. I wondered what he looked like—well, of course I would know him when I saw him, but I wondered what he would _look like in this world, _rather than a 3D model of him from a video game. Oh, and Larxene, too. Oh, she would probably be _beautiful. _She'd likely be a bit smaller than myself, but, _jeez, _I was looking forward to the idea of meeting her.

Looking forward to meeting everyone, but still terrified. And again, I looked at the rosebush. It wouldn't have been so eerie if Xemnas hadn't confirmed my suspicions. Marluxia had just…helped a rosebush flourish, rather than saying hello.

I had to give him points for aesthetics; that rosebush was pretty damn sexy. As far as rose bushes go. You know how it is.

But points for originality, not so much. Roses were pretty…normal, but not something I saw all the time. And still beautiful.

At least Marluxia hadn't spawned a cherry blossom tree next to the house. Our neighbor would have flipped. Or at least asked about it. And boy, wouldn't explaining THAT one have been fun.

I leaned against the door, my head resting against the glass panels.

Being a Carlton came with responsibilities. Sometimes we went hungry for a while. Sometimes we had to abandon friends we've made at school. Sometimes the abundant animal population caused us panic attacks and got hectic. Children in our family had to be adults sooner than most children.

But very few people could say they had two people in their family with silver hair and oddly-colored eyes, both of whom can manipulate the powers of darkness.

And I wasn't sure if there was anyone else who had been exposed to the darkness long enough to be able to use it themselves in this world.

And that…was a little bit scary.

But…I took a bit of pleasure in it making me special.

_I_

My brother was going to be out during the 'meeting.' TJ and Tristan were going to be at school.

There was a spear in Robert's room that I could snag should the need arise. As well as a sword…or two or three.

Everything was going to be alright, supposedly. Xemnas was being supportive, and I was endlessly grateful again that he had never held my planning behind his back against me. I suppose he understood my good intentions. I just wanted everything to be safe for everybody.

There was still a chance things could go badly, but I was leaning on good odds.

Jeez…_chance _had started everything. I'd been walking my dog when it had started. Mom had heckled me into doing so, and I'd barely just consented to doing it because mom was looking frantic and I'd felt bad.

To be honest, most of it was pretty foggy. I didn't remember my initial thoughts when I'd seen what could have been a corpse near my favorite location along the lake's edges. I couldn't remember if I'd stayed cool or if there had been an initial moment of panic, or if I'd had a cruel thought of _I should leave this for someone else to take care of, _because if I remembered correctly at all, I'd been in a bad mindset.

It was by chance that Zexion had later been on the same website I'd been frequenting, and had responded to my message.

It was by chance that any of this happened, really. I could only hope for the best and be prepared for the worst.

I took a deep breath, and let it out.

I needed to be confident. Because I wanted to be someone Xemnas could rely on so maybe he would actually lean on me for support rather than letting me simply stand by his side.

That, and I was a pseudo-mother/sister figure now, and I needed to be there for Suna, too.

I smiled at that thought, running a thumb over the crystal necklace that hung around my neck, thinking of its companion that I had given to Suna that last Christmas. Then, I thought of the stuffed heart, which I had stitched Xemnas' name onto…

I had given Xemnas a stuffed heart, and had fallen in love with him.

Well…I was pretty sure I had fallen in love again. It was fairly easy for me to fall for someone, but after a while if they simply didn't show any signs of feeling the same or I ignored those feelings, I could get over it.

Apparently, it was different when that person lived in a house with you. So, I was dealing with it…and trying to appreciate the different sides I'd seen of him. I was looking forward to him possibly taking charge of the group of Nobodies again, but hopefully working more closely with them this time around. I really didn't think any of them would take another chance at death…

_I shouldn't be making assumptions as to how they'll be doing around each other yet. I'll find out tomorrow anyways, won't I?_

_I_

Cleaning the day before we had someone over never really worked. Considering the amount of animals we had, it resulted in me having to clean the messes that had appeared over night, picking up the table, re-cleaning the cat litter, re-sweeping and re-swiffering everything…

…Beth helped me after I had a very short-lived emotional breakdown over my useless attempts at hard work. Now I know how she feels when she picks something up and it gets ruined right away.

We also used a sort of Febreeze that Beth wasn't allergic too—Beth was allergic to_ everything _Febreeze-related, or at least we had thought that for a while.

So the house smelled as good as it was gonna get with this many pets. It looked pretty clean, because I hadn't been the only one pulling their weight. Of course the animals hadn't helped—they always got curious when we were cleaning, and thus gotten in the way…

All in all, I was left worrying more about what was going to happen in less than two hours than what I had done in the past twenty-four.

Because, oh _God, _I was going to be playing host to the _Organization XIII_.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, _fuck._

_At least ten people_ were going to be my guests. Me, the antisocial daughter. Me, the one who stands there awkwardly rubbing her chin or the back of her neck or shifting back and forth from one foot to another because _she has nothing to say—_

Shit, I'd started thinking of myself in third person.

_Fuck._

"Tory, I sincerely hope it hasn't _just _stricken you what _exactly _you've planned."

…_shit. Am I really that obvious?_

I glanced over at Xemnas and realized that chewing my nails wasn't exactly one of my passing habits. I was _really _nervous.

"W-well…" I grinned a little awkwardly; he'd caught me so off-guard I couldn't very well cover it up. That and, well—_he was right. _"I mean, I—I've thought it over before, it's just…it's almost time…"

Xemnas was grinning, something about it appearing all in all more _lively _than it usually did. Something about it made my heart jump, and I smiled at him, my awkward expression melting into a more relaxed and genuine look.

"I mean, what if they don't like me?"

"Tory, personal preferences shouldn't be an issue-"

"_Xemnas,_" I laughed, "I will be a _very sad fangirl _if they don't like me."

He put a hand over his eyes and _sighed. _But he was grinning still. "You are positively _ridiculous. _You think _you _would be a sad 'fan', and yet you are one of the only people in this entire _world—_which, by the way, is quite a _large world—_that has _met _any of us. Let alone had a chance to gain our favor."

I ducked my head down and shrugged, giggling. "But that _matters. _It matters to me what you guys think of me-"

"If you care that much about how we think of you…you should know, I'm fairly certain of those I have spoken to directly…_none of them _dislike you. If they did, they have no reason to hide it—for goodness' _sake, _Tory, Xaldin thought your little moment of open hostility upon your first meeting with him was positively _hilarious._"

"…O-oh…"

"I'm fairly certain you've been playing LunaOnline with _Zexion-_"

"—only for a little while, he didn't get that into it…"

"I _know _you get along well with Xigbar. Vexen doesn't dislike you more than he dislikes humanity in general-"

"Um-?"

"Who in particular are you worried about?" He was pinching the bridge of his nose like he was fighting off a migraine that might come on just because I was being particularly angsty over something as ridiculous as other people's opinions of me.

"Erm…I-I don't know, I just—_don't know; _I want all of you to be comfortable and feel welcome here."

"Try to display a bit more confidence in yourself," he made somewhat of a shoo-ing gesture with his free hand, laughing airily. God, he must have really been amused. "Stand up for yourself if they pick on you, try not to take any put-downs to heart, and you'll do _fine._"

I blew my cheeks up unhappily at him, but he obviously couldn't see through his fingers. Standing up for myself wasn't my strong card.

"…and if nothing else," he amended after a moment, letting his hand fall away, "pull the Xemnas' favorite card." I straightened right up, my face flooding with color. "They may not have the threat of being erased hanging over their heads should they disobey any orders I give them, but they _will _behave themselves around you."

I opened my mouth to respond, but upon the realization that I had absolutely zero ideas for a rebuttal, I shuffled forward and wound my arms around his waist and leaned my face into his chest. _You're just saying that because I gave you a place to stay, _I wanted to say, but decided that sounded too…mean. _You're just saying that to make me feel better, _I tried in my head, but despite it being at least partially true, it sounded ungrateful.

And so I settled for, "Thanks."

He ran a hand over my hair in response, and I assumed he was still smiling.

_I_

It looked like the air was rippling. One big ripple in the sky that was spreading and disappearing, and that was it.

I wondered if I was one of the only people who could see it.

When it happened, mom had raised her eyes very briefly from her computer monitor, but looked back down. Suna had looked outside immediately. Considering Beth's being upstairs, I couldn't see her reaction…but I had the oddest feeling she'd be more aware than mom was.

Xemnas warped back in as opposed to using the door like he had, and I stepped out of the bedroom with Suna to join him in the living room. He was sitting off to one side of the couch, legs crossed and both hands resting on his knees. His eyes were lowered when we walked in, thoughtful.

And it struck me as odd that he had sent out the signal for his location, as the leader of the organization, and yet he looked…not quite the part.

Maybe it was the lack of the eerie smile that made the most difference, but how he was dressed did a lot, too. In a pair of tight jeans and an old, well-worn t-shirt with the remnants of some unrecognizable logo clinging faded to the front, the air of professionalism I had expected was entirely absent. His hair was even different—all the longer parts were pulled back into a ponytail near the center of the back of his skull, only shorter strands in his bangs hanging forward.

And my God, he looked like one of us.

I wasn't sure I ever wanted to see _Xemnas Carlton _written down on a piece of paper, because it just sounds horrible—

(_Terra Carlton_, a small part of me thought for a moment, but only a moment because he wasn't Terra and hadn't been for years and that was just _absurd_)

—but if I had to give a definition for what a 'Carlton' is, I would define it as someone or something that beat the odds or at least struggled to its last breath. If it lived, it made it by, not quite prospering, but simply _existing._

But everything more or less faded out when those golden eyes raised to catch my gaze, and something I didn't have a name for wrapped around my heart and squeezed. My fingers twitched as I refused to raise my hands to my chest.

Xemnas was smiling, calm, comforting, and I could almost take that as an unspoken _stay calm, it's all right, _but his eyes said something different. Something I had just about as much luck putting a name or feeling to as the thing making my heart jump.

I heard a clicking door behind me, registered it as Suna shutting the dogs and a few of the cats in with mom, who didn't want any part of this—wished us luck, but wanted _no part _in socializing.

Yeah, and people say I'm introverted.

I opened my mouth to say something, but whatever it was that I managed to mumble to Xemnas was lost in the _swisshhhhhh _of a dark corridor forming and opening close to my left, and I jolted away from it, staggering backwards into the middle of the room.

Blonde hair, blue eyes, facial hair and ear piercing and a decidedly _amused _expression, and he was dressed fairly casually, clean white shirt and dark pants, and I was aware of who it was even as my brain nearly shut down.

_Luxord, _I told myself, even as another corridor opened and I was turning my head and shoulders to look behind myself, and Xaldin was wearing a tank top and leather pants, and it occurred to me that it looked like what was underneath the dark coats they wore to identify themselves as members of the Organization.

_Xaldin has really nice shoulders. _An odd observation, but true.

He nodded in greeting to me, and a smirk twisted almost reluctantly on his lips, and I figured that the look on my face must have been pretty good as I nodded back. 

Someone was already out of another corridor, and it was Saïx, completely dressed in the coat and pants and boots (did they all wear tank tops under those?), eyes finding Xemnas where he sat first, and then they counted the others, and then Suna and myself (Suna had reentered the room but was stuck rather out of the way).

It was oddly comforting. I knew two of the three faces that had appeared personally.

My adrenaline was pumping, and I turned to face the next one almost at the same time it appeared, that first little hiss of darkness catching my attention. Out stepped first—holy shit, that was definitely Lexaeus!

And he was definitely one of the tallest people I'd ever met. He had to be at least 6'7", because my brother wasn't quite as tall as he was. Needless to say, Zexion stepping out after him was pleasant and expected, and though I was dizzy with adrenaline it was calming to see him.

_He's taller than I am, _I thought, but didn't say out loud, because my mouth wasn't working right now. I smiled at him from where I stood though, and though his face was as carefully neutral as Lexaeus', he nodded.

Next, I heard the voices before I heard the portal itself opening, and though the words were garbled, I would know the shrill voice anywhere.

Vexen.

His attention was turned over his shoulder as he exited the portal, and my heart jumped as Xigbar followed him out, replying to whatever the scientist had said with a very telling, "Yeah, yeah, chill, dude."

_Hah, chill. Chilly Academic. That's punny._

But my heart had jumped because I knew who would be following Xigbar out. Because she certainly wasn't going to miss this.

It took everything I had in my not to rush at the emerging female before she was even out of the portal. Her face was twisted in an attempt not to laugh, and I figured I'd missed out on something.

_Hugs after, _I thought, _hugs after because I don't want to embarrass anyone._

But damn.

_Leah_ was _in my house_.

I couldn't quite strangle the excited, gleeful laugh, though, and I wasn't really sure what to say, because "hey there" didn't quite sum up a couple years of tight online friendship, and then—

"Hey there…" quiet, even in a relatively silent room.

I twitched my hand in a jolting wave to say hello, unable to take my attention off of my friend even as another portal opened almost—

No, definitely _right behind me, _and someone's face landed between my shoulder blades so hard I nearly face-planted before Xigbar had caught my by my upper arm, hauling me upright as the weight was removed.

"_Augh,_" was the sound that was made, and I turned my head when I recognized the voice, and I saw Demyx clutching his nose, and there was a girl at his arm, eyes darting around the room before going back to him, clearly concerned. Demyx's watery eyes rose to me, and he quickly jolted back into the empty space the corridor had been in, one hand rising in apology. "I'b _so sorry,_" he exclaimed, and really, with him looking like a sad puppy, I couldn't be mad even though he _ran into my back with his face, _and I put both of my own hands up, laughing—the sound was a high giggle, something I hated the sound of but I knew it wasn't overly offensive to anyone within hearing range.

"No, no, it's totally okay," I blurted, waving my hands.

And that was it.

I stepped back towards where Suna was, standing kind of in the middle of him and Leah, receiving a light pat on the shoulder from Xigbar as I backed past him.

But the portals had stopped, Axel, Marluxia and Larxene noticeably not present. But everyone else was here, and I could feel the tension mounting as every _nobody _became aware of the others in the room.

And also became aware of Xemnas watching, calm, collected, but definitely guarded and tense but staring curiously at the cute blonde girl at Demyx's side. He looked at me, then, cocked his head almost imperceptibly.

I nodded, hoping I was conveying, _I'm not sure who she is, but she seems okay. _

His shoulders dropped a little. He was relaxing.

"It appears as though our numbers have dropped some."

It was Zexion who broke the silence, something straining in his voice. It occurred to me that he had turned his eyes to Suna for a moment.

"Given the state we all parted ways in, I place no blame in them." I jumped a little at Xemnas' reply, and then he looked at me rather pointedly and gestured to the couch next to him. I started on my way over, turning and carefully lowering myself to the cushions. I felt oddly vulnerable like this. "Suna, you as well."

Suna sat at my left without a word. I realized, from this viewpoint, that there were odd gazes on him besides just from Zexion. Vexen was giving him a funny look that made me want to (irrational impulse, of course) stab him or throw a dark fireball. Demyx looked curious, as did the girl on his arm. And yes, I took a moment to look her over. She seemed to be buzzing with some kind of worried, nervous excitement. But I was also trying to figure out what nature her clinging was; and decided that she seemed to be ready to pull Demyx out of the way of any possible attacks.

I decided very firmly that I liked her and would attempt to make contact with her if I had a good opportunity.

"For any of you still unaware, this young woman is our hostess, Victoria Carlton." If anyone was looking anywhere else before now, they weren't anymore. All eyes were on me, and I felt my face growing hot. "She found me…incapacitated quite some time ago, and took the appropriate action."

As he said that, I wondered how long exactly I had stood there looking at his unconscious body before I did anything, and if Gabby had barked or shown any outward reaction. She probably had; she barked at everything. But my memory was foggy, I could hardly remember how he looked at that time.

"Like a few of our other members, as you can see," he gestured to Leah, Xigbar and Vexen, and then to Demyx and the girl with him—Demyx flinched, the girl's hand tightened. Definitely protective—the movements much more casual than the over-done gesturing from the games. I was, admittedly, a little bit disappointed he didn't immediately go back into Crazy Leader Mode. "I was found by someone of this world who knew exactly who I was from the moment she saw me—however," and at his tone I gave a great mental flinch that came out as a simple blink, "she was rightfully in denial. I'm sure it has come as a great shock to anyone who knows who we are, that we are, indeed, living amongst them."

'_Living, riiiight..'_

Tension shot up in the room, and my heart gave a very painful lurch that, for a moment, took away my ability to breathe.

'_First you beat it into our heads that we don't "exist," and now you claim we're "living" amongst the Somebodies?'_

It was everywhere.

Axel's voice—I couldn't pinpoint it. His presence was without a doubt in the room, but…it was _everywhere. _I looked at Xemnas, who until I looked over had been staring at a spot in the wood paneling of the floor, but the moment I laid eyes on him, he closed his eyes. His eyebrows drew in very minutely, and I heard a quiet exhalation.

I put my hand on Xemnas' shoulder and stood slowly.

"We're not here to fight, Axel."

"Oh _really?_"

This time the voice was very definitely in front of me, and black wisps curled up from the floor, and Axel was there as they dissipated—

Well.

I was taken aback at the way his hair hung around his face and down past his shoulders, limp and most certainly _not _spiky, and there was a fucking _blonde streak _going through part of it.

I was a little less taken aback at the fact that despite the casual clothing, different hairstyle, and _young man standing directly behind him, _he was armed with his chakrams.

And he was staring at me, challenging and not the least bit vulnerable-looking.

"Really." I deadpanned, trying to find all the similarities I could—the eyes were definitely the same color, sharp green, his tattoos were there in their place. His hair was still fiery red, his eyebrows were still short, and he was all angles and sharp bones and _oh my god his hips were as big as they were in the game._

So yeah, I totally looked him up and down. Oops. Shit. Hope nobody noticed.

But he was looking at me, too.

"And who are you?"

Well, he hadn't been listening that long, that was for sure.

There was something just as challenging in his voice as his eyes, but I took a small comfort in being surrounded by people I was certain wouldn't let me die.

"This is _my house_."

Something about his expression changed. I detected a brief sense of _oops._

"And regarding your nitpicking about the particular phrases Xemnas used to describe his state of being, or non being, and everyone else's, _drop it._" To my credit, I only stammered a little on _particular. _I was getting an odd sense of stage fright. "If you didn't exist, you wouldn't be here. Now, you and your friend are welcome to take a seat or stand as you see comfortable. Also, don't cause a scene; my mother is in the other room."

Axel backed off after a moment, his chakrams fading in a short burst of flames as he curled one arm around the boy's shoulder and guided him to one side of the room, looking over his shoulder the entire time.

Zexion had flinched as the redhead passed.

I dropped down heavily on the couch again, taking a good long moment to notice that Suna looked…

I didn't know.

That bothered me.

"Well, it certainly seems we have a lot to discuss." Xemnas was sitting up a little straighter now, and his voice had a sharper edge to it than before—I felt a brief pang of anger at Axel, everyone was doing so well before he showed up—and he was looking around thoughtfully.

"And perhaps we begin by discussing Suna's presence," Vexen piped up with an easy confidence. The anger I felt at Axel was softened considerably why the way Vexen so easily accepted the name I had given to the replica. "I believe some of us are confused."

At first he'd been speaking to Xemnas, but it occurred to me then that Vexen was addressing _me._

"Yeah, I…" I lowered my eyes, heat flushing my cheeks as my brain decided _then _to stall and leave me a stammering mess.

Thank god Riku had never been shy, because Suna had gotten that trait, too.

"Little old me? I was a replica Vexen made of the real Riku back in Castle Oblivion. I showed up around the same time as Xemnas, not much more'n a mile away, if even that. Tory here decided I deserved a name, and called me Suna."

That was directed very pointedly at Vexen.

"And that's that."

So we were all dancing around eggshells or walking on them purposely, but it looked like we were all here. Plus a few…tag-alongs.

That kid with Axel—he was young, probably around my age. He was sort of average height, but he was pretty thin. He looked like he hadn't been eating that well, and his clothes hung kinda loosely on him.

And actually…Axel didn't look too great either.

It looked like we'd all missed something, and that anger from before dissolved completely into a gnawing worry deep in my gut.

A sudden slapping sound drew my attention to Leah, who Xigbar had just patted hard on the shoulder.

"This here's Leah."

Ah. Not a bad place to start.

"Emily," the blonde girl with Demyx said. "…But call me Ly, please."

Axel, one elbow resting still across the boy's shoulder, said, "This is Kody."

"Call me Tory," I tossed out there. Axel and Kody had been late, after all.

Okay.

So, Kody, and Emily—Ly would be hard to get used to saying, usually I called anyone named Emily Em or Emmy, but I would try for Ly.

Kody. Okay, I wouldn't forget that.

…okay.

We could do this.

_We've come this far already._

**I would like to draw attention to an anonymous reviewer that isn't so anonymous, but I still can't reply via email.**

**Thank you, T.S, for your lovely review on chapter 16. I'm thrilled to know I have guy readers out there, too.**

**As for the direction the story will take place, my friend, you shall soon see. ;)**


	18. AN: Words From Xemnas

Hello, dedicated friends and followers of RainingMoonSong.

I am here to speak to you regarding a violation of her trust. Currently, she is occupied elsewhere, possibly still shaking in anger and in no shape to have her hands on her keyboard. She tends to throw things when angered, and though it's usually a pillow, she occasionally strikes her monitor. I would not wish damage on her only available keyboard.

This is, of course, why I have taken it upon myself to do so.

Today, it has been brought to the attention of Victoria, as well as Leah and myself, that this story, _Pieces, _has been plagiarized in an unacceptable manner by one of the many people reading this story. In fact, it was done by someone Victoria saw as a friend.

I offer my sincerest thanks to the one who alerted us to the existence of this travesty, and apologize to those of you who thought this may be an update of the actual story.

Victoria believes that the plagiarizing may be related to Zaikia's earlier question regarding featuring her as a side character in a story. She gave her permission. She did NOT give her permission, however, for Zaikia to steal her plotline, writing style, et cetera.

But I digress.

Victoria will likely be unable to update for an indeterminate amount of time. In her own words, this incident is "messing with her writing mojo," and does not wish to continue writing and risk upsetting the plot in her emotional state.

She is feeling rather betrayed right now.

I am confident, however, that she will recover eventually, and continue the story when she does, and I personally thank you in advanced for your patience.

-Xemnas

PS – For now, Victoria will be attempting to operate an ask blog on tumblr here: ask-pieces . tumblr . com.


	19. How Far We've Come

_I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,_

_But it's feeling just like every other morning before,__  
_

_Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,__  
_

_The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour  
_

_And I started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye  
_

_Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?_

Really, I was kind of wondering if the world was going to spontaneously combust anytime soon. I'd realized at some point I'd mimicked Axel's defend-the-young gesture and hooked an arm around Suna's shoulder and pulled him in to lean on my shoulder. Which he had, and he seemed to be resting there comfortably.

_My baby. I will kill you if you look at him funny. _Though, Axel was more…guyish about the whole thing. I don't know, it was like a 'bro-hug' more than…well, what I was doing.

Twenty-five minutes in, and we hadn't gotten much further than the "Yeah, really, guys, we're all being civil," and my "Yes, Axel, I did try to find you so I could get you clued in, but I couldn't find any trace of you."

Marluxia and Larxene weren't present, at least not within my line of vision from the windows on either side, so I assumed they weren't interested in banding back together with everyone else. Which, you know, I could understand, and Xemnas had said pretty much the same thing.

"Okay, look, dudes," I sighed, the fingers of my free hand splayed across my face at odd angles to avoid my glasses, "Really, I think all of you have screwed someone else in this room over at least once, I know why you're all cautious, _you all _know why you're all cautious. _We all get it. _But chill. Seriously."

Zexion tilted his head, and both of his eyes came into view. "If this is going to work," he said, "we need to know why we're all here."

It felt odd, to know I'd spoken more than Xemnas the entire time. But the thing was, everyone was addressing me, and whenever someone started getting riled up by someone else, I was the one stepping in (aside from Kody, who had stamped directly on Axel's toe in an attempt to redirect his attention once the redhead had started in at Saïx regarding…well. You guys know).

But Zexion brought up a valid point, and I knew it.

"This was your plan," he continued, "from the very beginning, this was your goal. To establish contact with as many of us as possible, individually, and bring us together." His posture straightened. "Now you have as many of us as you are going to get."

I scoffed. "You make it sound like I'm some creepy collector." And, of course, it occurred to me _then _that there were probably creepy obsessive and insane fans that might have tried just that.

Axel crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "What _do _you want, you deranged little fangirl?" There was a careful amount of humor in his voice, but it was humor nonetheless. I snorted. "Since you're not going to, you know, erase us all for good."

Suna shifted uncomfortably.

"This is all I wanted," I stated, gesturing with a simple flick-roll of my wrist to regard the entire room. "I know what the lack of trust within the Organization did last time. I wanted to establish _safety. _I know how today ends won't be the end of this, and I know you guys are still going to be tiptoeing around eggshells for a while after this, but I need everyone here, _especially you, Axel, _to know that this place—this house, my home—is a neutral zone. A safe place. Nobody is going to stab anybody in the back—don't snicker at that, Xigbar, I heard you—because I'm watching you. And I'm not the only one."

I twitched my head towards Demyx. "Ly's got his back, she's not just clinging because she's scared. She's been here for half an hour and I can already see that. Kody isn't just an idle participant in this, he's with you. Leah's been hiding Xigbar and Vexen in her _closet, _and even if not every Nobody has a Somebody looking out for them here all the time, I don't want anyone to have to look over their shoulder all the time."

I hesitated to add this last part, because it was an odd thing to say for me. "And…I trust all of you not to do anything stupid. I don't think any of you are going to go after anyone else for petty revenge, because nobody's dead yet. But if there's ever a time you guys just _don't feel safe, _you can come here." I tapped the back of my foot on the floor once, hard. "There's an old basement—all cement and sometimes it's a bit chilly, but there's a table down there and some chairs. Good for playing cards. There's the living room here. We can watch movies and play games and more stupid stuff if anyone wants to hang out that long."

And then I pointed upwards with my thumb. "My big brother lives upstairs, he's out with his friend right now. Beth's recently moved into my older nephew's room now that he's out of the house most of the time—she's my older sister, and if any of you mess with her or make a pass at her _I will kill you. _My younger nephew is also upstairs. My mother is currently in the bedroom she and I share. If you guys feel sociable, she'll probably chat a bit.

"We have lots of pets. It runs in the family. If anyone here has a job and can support one of our kittens, please, for the love of God, say something if you want one. We are trying to give them away. But anyways, dogs, cats, birds, mice, if anyone is allergic to those, I'll try to keep as many of them in the bedroom as I can if you decide to visit."

There was an odd amount of silence, and as I looked around more and more I understood—there were two or three people who seemed confused.

And I'd be lying if I didn't understand why.

I hadn't named terms beyond _no killing each other. _

"…I really have no ulterior motive." There. I said it. "I'm just a bleeding heart. Things are rough around here a lot, but I always feel safe here. I can't imagine living without that. I can do hungry, sick, claustrophobic, but the very _idea _of feeling like I might get knifed in the back at any possible time horrifies me. I don't want you guys to feel that way."

Safety, I realized, had always been a constant. I couldn't remember clearly a time when I had been beyond uncomfortable in my own home. Even if it was awful and extreme and scarred me for life, I had never feared for my life.

Now to diffuse that unsteady tension.

"…okay, so I'm also pleased as heck I have most of the Organization in my house. I mean really. I'm the only person in the world who can say that."

Most of them chuckled—Xaldin, Xigbar, Luxord, Xemnas, Suna (who actually more of giggled), Axel (I was relieved, very, very relieved that he had relaxed enough to do so)…and Saïx, Zexion, and Vexen were all smirking.

Leah looked rather pleased, and Ly looked like she was having a hard time not smiling. Kody had ducked his head, and it looked like he might have been trying not to laugh, given the trembling of his shoulders.

"Alright." I leaned back again, and Suna sagged more heavily against me. I glanced over and tapped Xemnas on the arm. He glanced at me, eyebrows lifting, eyes so open and curious it made my stomach twist. I smirked. "I told them about everything I can for now but Xion," and I didn't miss Axel's head whipping back around to me from the corner of my eye, "Floor's all yours. Talked more'n I have in a month today."

His hand came to my face, going from my cheek to my hair, resting along my ponytail—the entire gesture was strikingly affectionate, and comforting, though…PDA wasn't really Xemnas' thing.

Was he deliberately doing it to _show _that he was fond of me? I supposed it made sense, if he was as tense as I thought he might have been—yeah, the way his gaze had shifted from thoughtful to determined but mostly blank, he was making it clear to everyone that he was protective.

…in an odd, touchy-feely way that bordered on uncomfortable once my brain caught up and took a tally of everyone in the room who had been watching.

As he took his hand off my hair, I lay my other cheek on top of Suna's head and cuddled.

And then, bam: it clicked.

Xemnas was doing with me what I was doing with Suna, but with much less physical contact.

Platonic or no, it thrilled me. Because when Beth showed that sort of protectiveness, it was usually obnoxious and publicly humiliating. When Robert did it, he didn't even need to be in the same room to project the promises of violence should I be harmed. Xemnas was…

"Very well, then."

Soothing, exciting, and terrifying all at once.

But safe.

Always, always safe.

_I_

Xemnas began with a fairly simple statement; something about as straightforward as anyone could expect from him in this situation:

"During my time here, I have spent a number of hours trying to understand our…rather fortuitous placement not only in this world, but so close to those who could not only understand us, but accept and help us."

In other words, I gathered that he was saying he had no idea why I was the one who found him and Suna, or why Leah had found Xigbar and Vexen, or why Em—_Ly _had found Demyx, or Kody with Axel.

Although, I wanted to point out that I hadn't just helped Xemnas and Suna. It had been entirely mutual. Leah probably needed a couple of friends around, and I couldn't be there for her in the flesh. I couldn't say anything regarding Ly and Demyx yet, but I had gotten the impression that Kody and Axel were taking care of each other.

"I…admit I have been rather distracted, and I may have been unable to devote my full attention to my calculations throughout my time spent here."

_What._

Considering the wide-eyed look on almost everybody's faces—even Lexaeus', apparently I wasn't the only one who heard Xemnas admit that he may have made a mistake regarding something _scientific._

Vexen was the only one of the Nobodies who didn't look absolutely stunned.

"If I may, Xemnas, I have theory."

Xemnas' gaze slid to Vexen and he nodded, then added as what seemed like an afterthought; "Please."

And _now _Vexen looked surprised—pleasantly so. Hah, yes, Xemnas had even better manners now. Most of the time. "I have no definitive proof, of course—not yet. However, during my time in Castle Oblivion," he hesitated for a moment—something had twisted in his tone, and I understood why. "…As Zexion and Lexaeus also witnessed, shortly after Sora's arrival, Riku, too, appeared in Castle Oblivion."

I rubbed Suna's arm gently. I felt a strong urge to kick the real Riku for some reason.

"It was due to their emotional attachment towards each other, Sora's heart likely acting as a light through the darkness, you seem for Riku to follow." Vexen nodded to me, then. "I have seen that Victoria is hardly a shining beacon of light—in fact, according to your own words, Xemnas, she was much like a candle moments from flickering out."

A heavy weight rested in the pit of my stomach again, unsettled at verbal confirmation from a _Nobody _at how close to emotionally dead I was. That, and I was a little…unhappy knowing that Xemnas and Vexen had been speaking about me.

"However, when she did feel, she felt strongly—and that dying fire became more or less a roaring fire," Xemnas spoke slowly, carefully, and I lowered my eyes to the floor, more and more unsettled for some reason. It might have been because of the careful neutrality of his tone.

"How very poetic, Xemnas."

I nailed Axel with a glare. There was no humor in his tone or in his eyes. Just pure sarcasm.

"You did not know her when I did." Xemnas' voice was no longer as neutral, but a little firmer, spoken quickly like a dismissal. He was going to say something else, but clearly thought better than to take Axels' bait again, and instead he looked to Vexen again. "Please go on. I apologize for interrupting."

Vexen snorted—at what, I didn't know—but continued. "Magic is almost entirely dead in this world, and very few people would even be capable of using it even if they knew how."

Oh…_oh. _I glanced down at Suna, and his eyes were a little wide, but unreadable, as he looked right back at me.

_You know where he's going with this, too. _

"And I am unsure as to whether she has discovered this or not, but, I believe that Victoria has the capability to use magic—to be more specific, she could tap into the darkness in her heart and use it, were she given instruction."

_That darkness is still there, then._

"…I see." Xemnas was thoughtful, nodding almost imperceptibly.

"…Can I ask something?" I piped up, lifting my cheek from Suna's hair. The question was more or less directed at Vexen, but I figured anyone could answer if it they so chose.

"Certainly."

"If I was a dying candle back then, what am I now?"

Silence. Vexen frowned, and looked at me hard—like I had confused him. Either that, or he thought I was stupid and should know that myself.

"Perhaps a comparison to a lighter wouldn't be too far off," came Axel's voice after a second. "There's some potential for some real fire there," he continued, reaching into a pocket to withdraw a lighter pretty much similar to the ones my mom had for lighting cigarettes. (I figured he could use a lighter if he didn't want anyone to see him using his powers, but I really hoped he hadn't gotten into the habit of smoking… ) "But you've got control over it. You decide when that little spark happens-" he lit it, very briefly. "—but if you hang on too long, you'll get your finger burnt." He lit it again, letting the flame continuously touch his skin until he very quickly released it, and shook his finger. "Like that." He looked frustrated. Like he hadn't actually expected to get burnt.

"…are you okay?" I asked then, "Do you want some ice?"

"Nah, no, I'm okay."

I looked down at my left hand, considered lighting a Dark Fira, and decided against it.

"…Anyways, go on, Vexen." I shook my head. "Sorry for all the interruptions."

"We have time for it all, it seems," Vexen was staring out one of the windows thoughtfully as he spoke, before looking at Xemnas again. "So as not to draw it out, however, when you appeared in this world, we other Nobodies did as well. And of course-" he gestured towards us, "Suna, too."

"…and so instead of a beacon of light, you were more or less a guiding power," Leah said to Xemnas, her tone something I wasn't quite sure of. Leah and I IMed more than we video chatted, so I hadn't mapped out all the little changes in her voice according to her mood. But she sounded pretty confident in what she was saying, in a way I wasn't while I had been more or less rambling to the audience of Nobodies.

"We haven't quite figured out why the little guy showed up yet, but I don't think those to are complaining," Xigbar tossed in, gesturing animatedly at Suna and I. I straightened up a bit more, and so did Suna, so we weren't so…snuggled up together. "Yeesh. You guys are enough to give an old man cavities. It's disgusting."

"You're just jealous because Leah won't cuddle with you and she has you stuck in her closet whenever her parents are home."

"As if! I'll have you know, I—I—" and it seemed like Xigbar's brain caught up and finally registered what exactly Suna had said, and he broke off into chuckles. "You little twerp. You think you're cute, don't you?"

"No, I _know _I'm cute."

Yup.

Even Robert thought Suna was a cute little bastard. Everyone loved Suna.

Aside from cute, though, even with strictly platonic feelings towards him, I could say that Suna's pretty sexy, too. I was worried if Suna went into public much more he'd have girls that I'd have to beat off of him with a stick following his shadow.

"We seem to have gotten off-track again," Xemnas stated in a very even tone, even though the side of his mouth was trying to twist into a smirk.

Vexen pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Yes, yes we have. My _point is, _everybody, that while Xemnas may or may have not appeared in Victoria's relative location because of her own situation at the time, _he _acted as a guiding power for the rest of us, even if we were somewhat scattered. After constructing a timeline with those of you I've already spoken to, he was indeed the first to appear in this world."

"I personally find it incredibly curious that while several of us wound up on our own, the exceptions to that were located shortly after their arrival." I looked at Xaldin while he spoke, but I offered no commentary.

"The answer to that is incredibly simple, but I think most of us are too arrogant to admit anything," Axel said. That earned him a confused look from Kody. The redhead saw it but only chuckled and added, "Hey, Nobodies can be arrogant too."

"Maybe it's cuz we needed it?"

Everybody looked at Demyx. He seemed to shrink down a little under everybody's gazes.

"I mean," he continued after swallowing audibly, "I-I was terrified when I woke up. I came into this world _drowning, _youguys. Do you have any idea how wrong that is? I nearly died in _my own element_." For a Nobody, Demyx looked rather…distraught and emotional. "After I washed up on the beach, I walked around looking like a drowned rat for about a day 'til Ly found me. At that point I'd all but worked myself into a panic. Day one, _while looking like a drowned rat, _I came across a Kingdom Hearts poster when I passed a GameStop. So yeah, one freaky revelation after another, and the worst part is the type of society this is—people like me are sharkbait for the masses."

Demyx had almost drowned, and Axel had burnt his own finger. What's next, Xaldin getting caught up in a tornado?

Demyx looked over in the direction of the couch looking ready to make a run for it, and he was struggling really hard to do it, but he made eye contact with Xemnas. And that was a pretty epic moment right there. "And…you're not like me, Xemnas, you're not all weak and clingy, but-" he swallowed again, fidgeted with a piece of hair, and started back up. "—but I think you needed Xiactorvi, and from what Zexion told me-"

Zexion _glared _at Demyx, and _I _glared at Zexion for a moment, but didn't say anything.

Ah, well. Demyx cringed something awful, it was kinda cute. And then Zexion wouldn't look me in the eye.

_Xiactorvi?_

"—you've done a lot for her emotional state."

Xemnas sighed after a long moment of silence, and I tried to figure out the look he was giving Demyx, whose eyes were boring into the floor like he wanted to fall into the basement.

"You would have made it okay, I guess, if you'd been on your own, but dude…you gotta admit, you've really wound down a lot."

More silence. Xemnas' eyes flickered away for a moment, and when he caught me looking his eyes went down to his lap, and off to the side again.

Holy shit.

Demyx.

I wasn't sure whether to jump in and give Xemnas a chance to get his composure back or give Demyx more of a chance to get this off his chest, because _damn._

"Don't you _feel _better?"

_Feel._

_He put emphasis on that._

My eyes darted between Demyx and Xemnas, and it got a little harder to breathe when I saw everything just sort of _fall _from Xemnas' expression.

Just when I was starting to feel a little twitchy and anxious, Xemnas' face softened, and he smiled, and rolled his shoulders in a shrug that was a little more _shruggy _than strictly necessary.

"I am content."

And then.

"I would like for everyone else to be capable of saying the same, but the absence of two people speaks volumes regarding their ideas on the matter."

With that, Xemnas stood up. "Axel, Demyx. I'd like to speak to the both of you, your…friends, family members?—can come as well. Xigbar, we need to have words later tonight."

"Mhm." Xigbar was smirking, but he sighed through his nose.

Demyx looked uncomfortable, but relieved that he and Axel weren't going alone at different times. Ly had taken his hand, while Kody and Axel simply walked together.

Axel looked more or less neutral on going, but as he followed Xemnas past Saïx, I saw the blue-haired Nobody's lips move for a moment.

Axel grinned and broke eye contact with him.

"_It's always the stray puppies with you."_

_I_

Hugging Leah was a lot more awkward-feeling than it should have felt at first. Because I really felt like I should been saying something witty or making a crack about her preference in Pokémon.

Cracking the Mudkips joke in front of half a roomful of Nobodies seemed kind of lame though.

So I just hugged Leah without a 'so we finally meet' comment. She hugged me back, so I figured things were cool. We always said what was necessary _plus _all the random stuff in our online conversations. What would be so different here? Aside from physical contact and proper conversation.

It felt like hugging someone I hadn't seen in a couple of days, rather than the planet-aligning first meeting with someone who would become your best friend in the future.

Leah and I hadn't had a great first meeting to begin with, actually, but look where that went.

I pulled back, one hand still on her shoulder, and looked at Xigbar. He was staring out the window at our neighbor across the street mowing his lawn.

I hugged him before he had a chance to see me coming and move.

"Wha—huh? Oh. Oh, fine." I got a pat on the back. Xigbar obviously wasn't the huggy type, but everyone had to get _one _before anyone else left.

That was when Luxord decided to portal out with a polite goodbye. Bastard.

_Oh well. _I was disappointed, but there would be other chances.

I held out my arms to Vexen, who looked pretty suspicious and skeptical and just generally unenthusiastic, but he sighed and nodded after a moment when I didn't give up. Hugging the Chilly Academic wasn't as oddly cold as I thought it would be. He wasn't cold, he was just kinda…not warm.

When I let him go, I turned around and found Zexion with my eyes.

To my surprise and delight, however, he opened his arms to me and smiled.

I made a slightly fangirlish "eeeee" noise and took advantage of his good mood by attempting to lovingly snap his spinal cord in two. He made kind of a garbly groany noise when I smushed the air from his lungs though, and his feet swung a little in the air when he came off the ground.

To his credit though, he _was _hugging me back.

Hugging Lexaeus was an awkward experience though, and it was a bad follow-up to a successful hug. Lexaeus clearly wasn't the huggy type. Which, I already suspected.

And then, Saïx.

"I'm here _all the time,_" he sighed, petting my head as I attached myself to his torso with my arms. I was inwardly delighted and feeling a little like I was getting away with something.

"I _know,_" I replied in an oddly cheerful tone that he didn't hear from me that often, "But nobody killed anybody today!"

Xaldin managed to be surprised when I approached him with my arms out, but he even leaned down to hug me back. He was used to mom and Beth's hugs, not my own.

Behind me, I heard Suna make an odd noise, and when I pulled back from Xaldin to look (Xaldin was chuckling because he already saw it, so double the confusion for a moment) and saw that Leah was squishing Suna much like I had done with Zexion.

Leah wasn't a huggy person, oddly enough.

But like I said before: Everybody loves Suna.

Well…to be fair, Zexion—

I looked at the Schemer and found him watching me with an oddly neutral expression. I made a face that clearly asked him what he was thinking about, and he shrugged.

"I am still lightheaded from lack of oxygen."

Oh.

_Shit._

I grinned though.

"I will be by sometime tomorrow," Xaldin said behind me, and I looked at him and nodded. "Someone's waiting on me, though."

My grin came back full force and I flipped my eyebrows up at him.

"Oh _really?_"

Xaldin raised an eyebrow at me, patted me on the head, and left without another word.

I turned around and faced everyone else.

Leah facepalmed.

I giggled.

_I_

After left, the rest of the day was kind of quiet. Xemnas came back after a while with the Axel and Kody behind him. Apparently Demyx and Ly had left, because Ly something she needed to get done at home.

I hugged the two that hadn't left though.

By the time they _did _leave a couple hours into the evening, I'd been left with the distinct impression I'd met Kody somewhere before.

And that was entirely impossible, so I didn't understand why.

_I_

Xigbar came back at about ten, and even though it was dark, he and Xemnas went outside and I didn't see Xemnas again until well into the early morning hours.

Once Xemnas said goodnight and left for bed, I asked Leah if Xigbar made it back in one piece. He had, and he was asleep and snoring, apparently.

I hadn't actually feared for Xigbar's life or anything, but…Xemnas had left awfully abruptly with Axel and Demyx, and then wanting to talk to Xigbar alone later?

I wasn't suspicious. I was curious.

Even more so when Leah explained Xigbar was acting normal, just a little thoughtful before he went to bed.

So yeah.

_I_

"_I won't leave."_

"_Promise?"_

"_I promise."_

But he'd hesitated. Should I be worried?


	20. Airplanes

"So…"

"So."

"So?"

"_So?_"

I looked at Axel like I was going to punch him. He waggled his eyebrows with me and took a drink out of his Dr. Pepper.

"Oh come _on,_" the red-headed Nobody chuckled, slapping me in the middle of the back. The moment his hand was out of the way I leaned back against the couch cushion behind me.

And went back to glaring at him.

"Don't look at me like that," he sighed, totally unrepentant. To be honest, it was taking conscious effort to give him my default "die in a fire" look. That usually came too easily to me.

"I was trying to start a conversation, Axel," I stated, overdoing the venom in my voice just a bit. He still didn't seem bothered by it—I really hoped he wasn't just hiding his reaction.

"No, you were trying to prompt _me _to start a conversation."

Now he had his elbow propped on the shoulder nearest to him, and I had to admit I wasn't sure whether to appreciate the fact that he didn't mind physical contact with me, or be pissed that he was taking liberties when I could hardly consider him a friend yet. (I was scared to hope.)

I chose the former. "You sat down next to me first, I figured there was something you wanted to talk about."

"Nnnope." There was an inflection there that suggested he was going to keep talking, and I waited about ten seconds before realizing he _wasn't. _

"…" After about twelve _more _seconds of silence, I looked at him again and found a pair of bright green eyes staring right back at me.

"Hi there," he said.

I put my hand on his face and shoved him away. "This is what I get for coming out of my room. I see how it is."

The douchebag _laughed._

I pulled my hand away and grumbled angrily under my breath. "God you're an ass-OH HEY!"

And now I was tucked firmly against his side, an arm around my shoulder keeping me there.

"Hey now, you'll break my _heart _if you call me names like that! It's tender, you know."

"Uh," I replied, incredibly articulate and witty as always.

To be honest, I'd been trying to keep sensitive to Nobodies and their lack of feelings. Xaldin had noticed at one point and said it was unnecessary because it wasn't as if they could be offended. That requires the ability to be angered or hurt by damaged pride.

"What, no comment?" His tone was still light-hearted, but I was keeping my eyes glued on the entertainment center across from us, and I shrugged as best I could in that position.

To be honest, I was pretty comfortable where I was, aside from the sense of obligation towards a negative response. And Axel didn't seem to mind too much, considering he'd hauled me down.

"I just…try not to make comments pertaining to copious amounts of emotion around you guys, that's all." I was now glancing up at him, and back to the entertainment center every few seconds.

"Eh. It's not a big deal to me." He pushed me rather abruptly back into a sitting position for the sake of ruffling my hair, which actually made a few pieces fall from the ponytail I had it in. Great. He force-ruffles. "Why the hell you walkin' on glass around all of us?" He found it a little silly, if his tone was any indication.

…well, wasn't that a mindfuck.

I was stuck between believing something Xemnas had told me consistently, and where I believed in my heart that they could feel things.

"I…was kind of under the impression you guys didn't have hearts…so I try really hard not to talk about them," I admitted quietly, smoothing my hair down.

"Hard to entertain a crowd of emotionless bastards, don't you think?"

"I guess…"

"And we were all pretty entertained by you, couldn't you tell?"

"Were you?"

Axel went back to using me as an arm rest, which I allowed and let myself appreciate. One of my favorite characters doesn't hate me? Score. "I guess I can't speak for _everyone _for sure_. _But I was." I opened my mouth to ask a quiet question, and barely got the first syllable out before he interrupted me. "Xemnas is out of earshot," he explained. "I wouldn't have brought this up if he were around. I'm not exactly eager to have a chat about feelings with him. Demyx was really pushing his luck there for a minute."

"He wouldn't have hurt him though…" I muttered, "I mean sure, Xemnas is weird about his…"

"Feelings; he has them. And yeah." He nudged me with the elbow draped over my shoulder, and I elbowed him in the ribs. "So tell me, how did you do that, anyways? Turn big bad Superior of the In-Between into a big ol' softie?"

I looked up at him, and despite what he'd said about Xemnas being out of ear-shot, my mother wasn't, so…

"Holy shit, _that's _his title?"

It sounded so stuffy…I wasn't sure I liked it.

Two short eyebrows lifted at me. "More like, holy shit, he didn't _tell_ you," he said, giggling. Snickering. Whatever, giggling isn't manly but that definitely wasn't a proper snicker. "But seriously. I'm impressed."

So was I. I'd learned a while back to stop seeing a video game character whenever I saw Xemnas running around my house, because whenever I thought about _which _video game character was in my house…

I thought about the fact that he was a villain. I thought about the fact that he had the power to kill me if he wanted. Kill me, rip my heart out…in fact, from what I'd seen Xemnas had all the power he needed to make a new army of Nobodies if he felt like it.

Instead, he'd taken a place in this family and done nothing but help. Sure, I'd gotten him out of the cold, but did that little display of mercy really cancel out the bad? Sora had tried, towards the end, to turn around and show a little humanity, right…? And Xemnas had just said…just said…

I couldn't remember anymore. I could only remember his expression. Like he wanted to laugh. Like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Xemnas had, thank God, never looked at me like that. I couldn't name the emotion that occupied his features in that moment in-game, but…

"I can't say…" I mean, there was almost that little emotional breakdown he'd had when he saw the Kingdom Hearts case, and that _did _require emotion…but as much as I liked having a chat with Axel, I wasn't sure if I should tell him about that, so I kept my mouth shut. "But I trust him a lot. I mean, he stuck around for this long, that…has to count for something, right?"

Axel shrugged his bony shoulders and took another swig from his empty can. "I dunno; you tell me. You know him better than the rest of us."

I couldn't answer. I really, really couldn't. One of my problems seemed to be that I could be confident until I was called into question.

"…I trust him."

I did. That much was true; I trusted Xemnas.

_Even if he kills everyone else, this family will be safe._

_Even if he gets bored and does leave, he won't hurt me._

"Can you really feel?" I abruptly changed the conversation…and Axel noticed, given the way he rolled his eyes. But then he shrugged, and nodded, and sighed.

"Yeah. Pretty sure we all can by now."

That turned something hopeful in my chest, and I nodded, waiting for him to say more, because going by the look on his face he was thinking on how to say it.

Wait…wait for it…wait for it…

Nope.

"By now?" I prompted.

Axel opened his mouth, caught himself, and removed his elbow from my shoulder to turn and put his back to the arm of the couch and drape one of his legs over my knees as he got comfy.

"Well…you know when something really shitty happens, you're emotionally stunted for a while even if you don't really notice how bad it is?" I nodded, and he waved his hand a little. "Having your heart ripped out of you will…kinda do the same thing…but emotions stem from the brain, and…" More hand gesturing. "It…comes back after a while…or something, I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure why Xemnas is so deep in denial; as a scientist you'd think he'd be the first to lay down the true facts over the false ones and correct himself."

"Most guys are weird about their feelings around here anyways?" I suggested, while inwardly I was attempting to process this new information.

And…trying not to hug Axel out of sheer glee.

"Eh. I'm just happy to have them again."

"Happy to be able to be happy?"

"Yep."

I was right. I was right, and they could feel, and they _were _feeling, and…that meant Xemnas was too, which meant he was just being an asshole or something…

_Don't freak out, no fangirl squealing while Axel is in the room._

I nodded a little, biting my lip as I scrambled for a new conversation-starter before my lapse in useful brain activity became obvious…

And found one about the time I looked up at Axel.

"So what's up with your hair?"

"Pfft. I wondered when you or Leah would ask that." He chuckled lightly and rolled his eyes. "This is what happened when you have spiky hair and you run a straightener through it. Same as curls."

Actually…it looked like spikes took better to being straightened than my wavy hair did.

Apparently I took too long thinking about it, or something, because Axel nudged me lightly, and when I glanced over at him, he flipped his eyebrows and said,

"Got it memorized?"

With the most.

_Shit-eating._

Grin on his face.

The fact that I couldn't even default it and threaten to punch him (or actually just punch him), thus leaving me sitting there blushing for some reason, must have been karmic payback for something awful I'd done in a past life. Or maybe something I was going to do.

_I_

We didn't gather together again like that until my sixteenth birthday.

And considering I don't like my parties big, I…was a little overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, though!

I'd actually forgotten it was my birthday until Beth said happy birthday to me at midnight before I went to bed.

_I_

The next day, I wasn't allowed into the kitchen.

I wasn't sure why; my mom was making hot fudge ice cream cake like I'd asked her, but everyone was bustling in and out of there, and Suna and Xemnas were in there too and they weren't really coming out and I wanted to say good morning?

What was up with that?

Tristan actually brought me my coffee when I tried to get into the kitchen.

I was so confused.

But I stepped off, retreated into my room, and got dressed.

Xemnas came into the room a little later, knocking without waiting for a reply (I was ready to yell at Tristan; he was the one who usually did that) and he passed a plate of two hashbrowns and eggs to me, and I was kind of blown away by the gesture because that was super sweet of him (they were a little burnt but that was okay because XEMNAS BROUGHT ME BREAKFAST) but before he left he kind of.

Leaned down, one hand kind of resting on my shoulder, and.

He kissed my forehead, off-centered and held there for a moment, like he didn't realize he was doing it, before he said, _Happy Birthday, _and withdrew, and left,

And I'd gasped sharply when the contact had been made, and I'm really surprised he hadn't said something about that—but his lips were really warm and I was too sleepy yet to do anything but _sit there._

But there started a joyful high that lasted the day, but it grew when I tried to take the plate back to the kitchen and Zexion, Leah, Xigbar and Vexen were all there already, and then as the day progressed, everyone showed up.

Everyone from before, anyways.

And it was a little cramped. And I felt a little awkward saying 'thanks' over and over for all the birthday wishes I was getting.

Seriously, though, half the day was spent on the couch sandwiched between Zexion and Axel with Kody on the other side of Axel (and those two were chummy as hell it was adorable), and we were all just watching TV.

Like, Ellen, and stuff.

It was nice.

Everything was really nice.

We had hobo dinner (hamburger chunks, potatoes, peas, onions all done a certain way, one of my long time favorites) and then when mom broke out the cake I realized that there were three of them and then it made _so much sense _why I wasn't allowed in the kitchen because Suna and Xemnas and mom had been working tripletime all day for my birthday and I don't really know how to communicate the sheer, heart-swelling joy I felt any other way than to say it made me very, _very _happy.

Everyone got a big piece, even Vexen who didn't have much of a sweet tooth.

(Later on everyone got to take some cake with them too and I still had some left.)

But after we'd all eaten and I was practically comatose where I sat, Xemnas came into the dining room (when the heck had he left) with a white-wrapped box, about the length of my forearm and hand and about two inches tall, and it was surprising and nice to see a present and it was really just the icing on the cake.

But I didn't know what they'd gotten me.

(I really hoped it wasn't expensive.)

(I don't know growing up with cash being tight kind of gave me this perpetual guilt when people bought me stuff.)

As he handed it to me and I thanked him I got the distinct feeling everybody in the room knew what it was aside from me.

I picked apart the tape binding the wrapping paper, loosed the silver ribbon and set it aside, and slowly peeled away the wrappings.

The cardboard was that nice silvery color instead of plain brown.

I opened the top, and.

_Is this what I think it is?_

I opened my mouth to ask as much, incredulous, and all that came out was a high-pitched squeaking note as I grabbed the _Organization XIII coat_ by the shoulders and hauled it out of the box, standing up, high-pitched noise growing in volume until I was nearly shrieking, making my way around the table of too many people to latch onto Xemnas.

"THANK YOU," I squawked, kind of…hugging the coat, too, in the small space left between Xemnas and me as I attempted to crush the air from his lungs.

It didn't work as well with him. Zexion was much easier to hug half to death, and it was also relatively enjoyable to do so because he made adorable noises.

"You haven't even tried it on yet," he chuckled, and yeah okay that was kind of a thing you did with coat; you wore it, and I should put it on.

It didn't look like the ones cosplayers wore because it _looked _like it would hold its shape well once you put it on. I struggled for a moment with the double-zipper, and Xemnas actually helped me out with that, because that zipper is weird.

As I pushed my arms through the sleeves, it was relatively loose, not-quite form fitting like I thought it would be. The sleeves came down to about halfway down my hand, and the coat itself reached to my ankles.

Xemnas let me zip it myself this time (I still fumbled a little, and he smiled all smug and amused about it. Yeesh.)

About half-way zipped, I realized that, A) if I looked past my hands and the bottom of the coat, my shoes were now black boots B) the coat was getting tighter and C) I was wearing gloves.

Oh.

_This isn't store-bought._

I almost shrieked (again). But I did manage to mostly contain my excitement, wide-eyed and grinning, even bouncing a little on my feet, but I stopped zipping a bit below my collarbone, and I pulled up the hood.

And then proceeded to flap my arms and squeal.

My sleeves were _perfect _for excited flailing.

"THIS IS THE BEST PRESENT EVER," I hollered, jumping up to throw my arms around Xemnas and cling.

"I'm relieved that you like it," he replied, voice a little choked, like he was _really _surprised at the, ah…glomping, I suppose. "It was a group effort, though, you should hug everyone else as well." He hugged me back, before plucking me from his torso and setting me down on my feet.

Suna was next. I picked him up and swung him around (more like a brother than a son to me at the moment, kind of) and thanked him as well, pressing a kiss to the top of his head (I'd go for the cheek but he's still not used to so much physical affection).

Zexion was next, and I was actually a lot more gentle this time and I found out it was really comfortable to lean a bit into the hug and tuck my head under his chin, and if he hugged me around my shoulders that was a really nice hug, _Zexion was really nice to hug I had to keep that in mind._

Leah and Xigbar kind of happened together, I tried to hug Leah and my arms just kept going and whoops, there was a Xigbar smooshed in there too.

Lexaeus next; giving him a tight hug around his stomach earned me a light pat on the back, and then I went for Vexen, who sighed like I was a pain in the ass worse than I actually was but he actually hugged me back, which didn't surprise me too much, but I was relieved when I pulled away and he was smirking.

Xaldin looked surprised, when I hugged him, and yeah I didn't like him for a while but he'd helped out the family, and he was pretty tolerant of my crap and he was actually _really _cool and also wow he felt nice to hug.

Saïx hugged me readily, hung onto me a little longer than expected (it really caught me off guard, what was that about?)

I was a little slower on my way to Demyx, calmed down a bit, and he smiled a little and said,

"I actually didn't help that much."

And I hugged him anyways, patting him on the back and it was really fucking awkward, because he didn't hug back until I was about to let go, and then I kinda re-hugged him and held on a little longer. To dispel the awkward I reached an arm around and yanked Ly in.

And then I kind of turned to Luxord,

"I had no part of it," he claimed,

And he must really not have wanted to hug me or something because he kept evading the huggy moments.

I didn't like him that much anyways but I hugged him, hoping maybe in a year or so we'd be friends, too. He put an arm around my back, but really he didn't seem that enthused so I didn't hang on, even to spite him, because I was in a wonderful mood.

Axel and Kody were next, and Axel was more of a one-armed bro-hug while Kody and I just kind of.

I don't know.

We just hugged and then let go. And I kinda patted him on the arm as I backed off.

Who the hell was this kid and why did he look familiar?

And hell; why didn't it feel like I was hugging a stranger? That's essentially what had happened there.

"Thanks for having us over," he said, quiet as anything, polite, honest.

"Thanks for coming," I replied, hoping I was conveying honesty as much as I hoped, because I knew my words could come off rude or sarcastic and I _really was happy _they all came.

Axel gave me a pat on the head, but there was kind of a weird pause because I could tell he'd gone to ruffle my hair but my hood was up.

"She's never going to take that off," Beth piped up.

"It's so comfy," I wheezed, hugging myself. "It's like being encased in a shell of form-fitting _comfortable _incarnate."

"You're going to sleep in it if we let you, aren't you," she continued, and I replied,

"It is _so comfy. _I am so serious right now."

And I was. It really was like something was hugging me everywhere.

And the something that was hugging me happened to be one of the Organization Coats. A real one.

Gifted to me by _Xemnas._

It would come in handy rather soon, too.

_I_

Later that night, things got even cooler.

Cooler for a little while.

Suna had grabbed me by the hand and pulled me outside, and given that I literally am incapable of pulling myself from his grasp when he puts his mind to it, I followed without a word.

_Staying mad at Suna is impossible, even if I hate being pulled away from the computer. I may have rolled my eyes at him, though._

He pulled me out onto the deck, rather than the porch. The temperature had cooled considerably, even though it was still summer. Something in the air had the hair on the back of my neck prickling, and I felt the first twinges of an adrenaline rush even though there was no reason for it.

Suna pointed upward, and my heart jumped.

"Look!"

_I am, _I didn't vocalize. My voice was caught in my throat, and my heart was beginning to hammer in my chest.

"I didn't know your stars could do this too!"

I was smiling, kind of dazedly I suppose, as I stared at the stars shooting across the sky.

One, two, three four five six seven eight…

"A meteor shower," I managed to say at last, squeezing Suna's hand where it was in mine. "Thanks for bringing me out. I've never really seen this happen before."

I'd never gotten a good view. At most, I'd seen one shooting star a night every few times this supposedly happened.

I think I'd seen two shooting stars at most, in other words.

The air, though, was…odd.

It was like it was too clear, but too hard to breathe.

I understood, on some level, that I considered meteor showers to be magical from relating them to Kingdom Hearts. That could be why I was getting so excited, but…

The door squeaked open behind Suna and myself, and I knew it was Xemnas before he said anything.

_I don't know how I know that._

"What was that rushing around about?" he questioned, and he put a hand on me left shoulder and one on Suna's right.

Lightly, at first.

And I felt kind of safe like that, with him standing behind us. His hands were usually warm, and now was no exception.

"A meteor shower," Suna echoed my earlier words, though it sounded better when he said it because he wasn't so soft and unsure.

I cocked my head just a little bit, looking at Xemnas' expression from the corner of my eye.

His grip tightened.

His lips pressed into a thin line.

"Suna, go inside. Tory will be with you in a moment." Suna was frowning, staring straight ahead for a moment. And then he looked at me, and for the first time in a long while I had literally no idea what was going on in his head, because his eyebrows had drawn together a little like he was angry but he didn't _look _angry. Or disappointed, or jealous.

Well shit, so much for knowing him as well as I thought. Xemnas pulled his hand from his shoulder, and Suna turned to him for a moment, before heading for the house.

He ducked down to pick up Murphy on his way inside.

I turned around to ask Xemnas what was wrong, and before I could utter a word, he was tugging the zipper up on my coat, tucking my hair into the back of it, and hauling the hood up.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded in a hushed voice, both hands settling on my shoulders now as he leaned down to look me in the eye.

Confusion hit, as well as panic. Tell him what? Did Beth tell him I liked him? Did Suna? Did _mom _say something to him?

"H-huh?" I replied, in a glorified blaze of clever articulation. In other words, I was a stammering wreck and if Xemnas had looked angry when he'd asked me that I literally would have burst into tears.

"Your little 'meteor shower,' you should have come in and told me-"

"What's wrong with it?" I was whispering now too. "It's just some dying stars, it's not like it's worlds blinking out. This is Earth, remember?"

Xemnas went silent.

And he just stared at me. It was an incredulous expression. It was…it was…

'Are you stupid.'

It was _that _look, I realized, just as he began to say, "You haven't made the connection yet? With all you've seen, you haven't realized what those harmless 'dying stars' mean?"

Disappointment in myself, as well as disappointment in Xemnas flared up in my heart, as well as a bit of anger. I brought my hands up between his arms and swatted his wrists, backing up to the edge of the deck.

Xemnas' confused expression caused me immediate heartache and regret, but I tried to maintain my anger.

"This happens on occasion. It's no big deal, Xemnas, so calm down _please._" I tugged my hood down—why had he pulled it up? "I have no idea what you're freaking out about-"

Xemnas' face blanked out. He stepped towards me—all it took was one long stride to close the gap. He grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around, and then pointed upward.

"Heartless."

Oh.

"Are invading your world."

_Oh. _That explained the crawling feeling of impending doom on my skin.

"Are you sure that can happen?"

"There was a meteor shower the night before Heartless invaded Destiny Islands, I _know _that you know that."

The exasperated disappointment I had seen on his face was gone entirely—he'd replaced it with a twinge of hope.

I felt like I should be having a panic attack because our world was being invaded and we had animals to take care of.

I turned around, and Xemnas began to withdraw his hands again—I caught one of them between my own, looking up into his eyes. He'd pulled the hood up on my coat to make sure I was covered. The coat hides those who wear it from the darkness, right? He was trying to protect me.

"We'll be okay."

_You gave me the coat right before they invaded, _I considered. "_But I don't think you knew._"

The little bit of doubt was there, though.

"We'll really be okay," I said again, "We have you."

"There are only eleven of us," he stated, "And we don't know where two are."

I went quiet. I didn't know what to say to Xemnas, because mostly I wanted to just tell him _so what, it's a big world, what's a few people lost to the darkness, _but that was rather cruel of me, so…

"I can fight."

"The Heartless shouldn't be here in the first place. They couldn't have found their way here; _I _didn't know this world existed."

"You weren't the only antagonist in the series. Someone else could have led them here."

"But it should have been _impossible._"

I looked up. Still, the stars were raining down.

"There are rules to this world," Xemnas continued, "Outside forces cannot enter, those who have always been here _cannot _leave-"

"You're here,"

"I am nothing."

"Not going down that road of conversation," I bit out, baring my teeth as I spoke. He put a finger over my lips.

"Shush and listen to me."

My expression fell. Literally nobody had actually tried that before—

_Haha. Literally 'nobody.' Oh god, I'm so fucking funny._

"I couldn't leave by using a dark corridor."

_You tried to leave? _My expression must have changed because before I could actually voice the pang of betrayal I was feeling, he said,

"I wasn't going to stay gone, I promised I wouldn't leave you unless you wanted me gone."

I shrugged, and nodded. He took his finger away from my mouth, which is good because if it had stayed there much longer I may have been tempted to bite it.

"Your world is being invaded. This is the point I'm trying to make. I have little doubt several of the others have noticed, but I am going to call them here."

"Why did you want to talk to me without Suna?"

"Because he's the only one who came here from the Outside who isn't a Nobody, and that may have…caused some damage."

"Because he's a dark user?"

"That as well."

"But I'm a dark user now too."

Xemnas opened his mouth to reply, and stopped. His eyes flitted over me, like he was trying to figure out everything that I was just by looking at me.

He took a step back. "Show me," he said. Calm, observing. Curious, maybe.

I was a little nervous under that gaze.

I lifted my hands in front of me, trying to call my darkness into tangibility. Rather than try for a fireball, I just kind of…let it flow into my hands.

It kind of looked like fire anyways. Deep, deep purple fire with lighter and darker spots.

"…So you will be able to fight if it comes to that."

His shoulders had fallen. He looked like that had relaxed him some, and I let the darkness hide away again.

"What are we going to do," I asked, "about the Heartless?"

_I might get to fight._

_I want to fight._

_I'm excited?_

"Fight them off," Xemnas answered. "And as soon as possible, some of us will leave this world to find the source of the invasion and eliminate it."

He glanced at me and then up to the sky.

"How did you learn to tap into the darkness?"

"Suna taught me."

"Interesting."

White and black lines twisted around him, and the next moment he was cloaked in his infamous cowsuit.

"Go inside, make sure all the animals are inside. Do not let them out without attending them closely."

"The horses-"

"I'm going to be out here all night. I'll watch them."

He rested a hand on my shoulder, again, and gave me an indecipherable look that for all I knew could have meant _we're going down fighting _or something like _don't be a dumbshit._

"Now go inside."

I felt like I should've gotten on my toes to kiss him then, but I just went inside with a nod.

The moment I got in the door and shut it behind me, I felt like that conversation hadn't even happened.


	21. Magic

I'd told Beth before I told Suna. Hooked my elbow in hers and guided her into the bedroom, giving her an urgently requesting look that I knew wouldn't be refused.

I wasn't sure what could be done. I wasn't sure what the purpose was in telling her but I did anyways, because she really did need to know that we were being invaded by things that wanted to eat our hearts.

It was a terrible, stumbling, hushed explanation.

"_I don't know what Xemnas is planning to tell everyone, but Heartless are coming here. I wanted you to know that."_

I was having trouble looking her in the eye the entire time, eyes drifting off to the side and down, anywhere where I wouldn't have to look at her face while I stammered and failed in my attempts to communicate. This was normal for me, and normal for us as sisters, and I don't think she thought anything bad of this particular trouble of mine.

I felt no sense of impending doom.

Maybe I wasn't grasping the situation entirely or something, but I wasn't scared.

I had reached out to touch her arm. I'd started to say, at the same time, _"We'll be okay."_

I didn't quite have it out into the air before she hugged me, tight and crushing and enough to make my back pop and ribs strain as I attempted to wheeze in a breath.

She let me back onto the ground, but her hug was still a bit too tight for a moment.

"_I love you."_

Her tone hadn't been particularly different from the way she usually told me that, like it was an offhand remark. Just a daily reminder that she cares.

I'd replied, _"I love you too."_

But when I waited for something to happen, or for Beth to say something, I realized that she wouldn't walk away before I was done.

For once.

When I was, actually, done. I had nothing else to say. What _could _I say?

I felt kind of off, and a bit guilty, so I kissed Beth on the cheek and squeezed her hand before I left the room ahead of her.

_I_

Suna's reaction was a bit more inspiring for me, and did in fact help set a tiny bit of panic into where it should have been in the first place.

Step one, was to locate Suna—I missed him twice, glancing at the living room from the wrong angle. He was sitting on the couch, off to the side, not quite at the center of the side cushion, and towards the middle one. He was watching the evening news, which did not include mentions of the meteor storm that was clear as fucking day.

Step two was to sit down next to him, and determine if he was somehow angry at me. I couldn't think of a proper reason for him to be angry at me, but I was paranoid. I had to be sure. This was done by casually reaching around him to put my arm around his shoulder. If he put one hand on my face and the other on my ribcage for leverage to fling himself away, and stormed out of the room, he was made at me. If he leaned against me and took a deep breath and exhaled it in a short breath through his nose, he wasn't mad at me.

The latter happened, and I gave him a little time to situate himself on my shoulder to that that particular bony part of my body didn't stab him, and I took a moment for myself to appreciate a human being that would spend time with me and cuddle without my interrupting something.

"Did I do something to upset Xemnas?"

I had no idea if Suna was worried about it, but the inquiry was voiced in a quiet, sighing murmur. To be honest, I wasn't really sure how Xemnas and Suna got along.

_I'm a bad momfriendsisterperson. _

_All I do is sit on the computer until something comes up._

"Nah," I said, equally quiet. Instead of keeping my voice at a normal level and broadcasting to the household what we were talking about, like my mom did whenever I tried to have a hushed conversation.

I was aware of some things, at least, that other people didn't give a shit about, and if Suna wanted semi-privacy, I'd make damn sure he'd get it.

I felt him weigh a little heavier against me now, like he'd relaxed some.

"Heartless are invading, and for whatever reason he wanted to tell me alone."

Suna snorted a little.

And then he went all tense and just kind of pulled back, slowly, and I let him. And I looked at him, unbelievable amounts of chill about the invading forces of darkness.

"Ha, ha. What."

I nodded a little. "Heartless found their way to earth. The meteor shower is actually the barrier around Earth cracking and falling in pieces, as far as I remember it being told."

"Oh my god," Suna voiced, deadpan like he was in shock. He _looked_ like he was in shock.

There it was; that trickle of _oh god oh god oh god _panic dancing up the back of my neck and making the hair there stand on end.

Suna darted to his feet, then, and kept staring at me like he was waiting for me to do the same.

I was still sitting there.

I wasn't panicking entirely yet because there was literally nothing I could do yet. All I thought we could do was—

"What are you waiting for?"

My brain kicked into gear a little, and I made a jumbled noise that was an attempt to form words fucked over by the fact that I had no idea what to say or what Suna was thinking.

So I jumped to my feet, and put my arms out in the widest, most exaggerated shrug I could.

"What do you expect me to _do?_" I shouted in a whisper (you know what I mean, that loud sort of whispering that everyone in the room would hear). I tried to add something else but found that I had literally no idea of where to go from here.

"I don't know," Suna replied immediately, raising his voice, and there was a bite of sarcasm that I should have expected but didn't. "Go stop it?"

I made one of those sounds that I can only thing to describe as a verbal keysmash, gesturing wildly with my hands.

And then I stopped, straightened up, cocked my head to the side and fixed him with a patented _oh that's bullshit _stare.

And then, icing my voice over, I said, "Okay then. How do we go about doing that if we have no idea what's causi-"

He cut me off. People don't usually cut me off when I use that tone of voice and glare. I was somewhat impressed.

"We'll go out and find the source! Heartless aren't that bad, but this is a big world full of a lot of people who can't defend themselves!"

"Then let them die, most of the people in the world are stupid anyways!" Granted I actually felt that way, I knew it would cause even more heartless to exist and I didn't want that, but the worst part about saying that out loud was how horrified Suna looked.

"_Tory!_"

"Just—no no, Suna, hush, honey, look, we can't just…go out there, looking for Heartless," I had calmed down some again, and now I was actually just a bit flustered and upset and trying to word things right.

Suna ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. "Why not?" he wanted to know, lowering his own voice again.

I gestured with my hands in front of me, nonsensical and unhelpful. "You just…_can't. _It doesn't work that way…"

"What's stopping you?" His voice was hardening again, and he was narrowing his eyes. And…puffing up his chest. Fuck, he had to stop hanging around Robert. Then again Robert wouldn't be disappointed in me like Suna was.

If Robert was disappointed in me I could handle it—I was disappointed in him too.

But Suna…

It felt like a stab in the chest to get that look from him.

"No…no transportation, we'd have no way to look, where would we even start…"

"What do you mean, no transportation? Dark corridors! They work on Earth-"

"Yeah but _we _can't-"

Suna held an arm out, waving non-dramatically to summon a portal of darkness.

My arms dropped, and I stared at him as he waved it away. Apparently he'd had time to get better.

"I think we can," he said, and with the smile he was giving me now, it seemed he was willing to forgive me.

I was simply dumbstruck. Which was okay, because he had more to say.

"So I'll ask again: What's stopping you, Tory?"

My only response was a near-silent huff of a laugh.

_I_

I wasn't ready to go out into the world again. I had no idea what to do. I hated tailing Suna (anybody for that matter) so closely because it made me feel weak.

And Suna looked at me like a mother, sometimes, so I was terrified I would mess that up with this.

Other than that, I didn't mind too much.

(We'd okayed the plan with Xemnas first. And mom.)

(Xemnas seemed interested in how it would go.)

(I wanted to impress him. Big surprise.)

Suna could sense the darkness; that's how we'd hunt our targets down. It had seeped into his very core before I even met him. For me though, I had figured it was going to be like finding ants in a sea of different ants. Not to mention my apprehension regarding the actual act of getting rid of the Heartless.

"_Will blasting them with darkness really work?"_

"_Yeah, absolutely. Real Thing managed it."_

Not to mention, as Suna had also pointed out, the coat would keep the Heartless from finding me if I had to run (but he couldn't find me if he needed to, either, so it had its downsides). So all in all, I would be pretty safe. And don't get me wrong, I wanted to do this. But I had literally no reaction programmed into my brain for _oh I'm going to be fighting off a menace and protecting my world. _So I was just kind of excited. Very, very excited.

Irrationally excited.

And you know, it started off pretty well. I got the hang of things pretty quickly!

_I_

Suna and I were somewhere in the UP (the upper peninsula of Michigan, for those of you not familiar with the term) the first time we went hunting for Heartless.

A couple Shadows were here and there. Nothing big. And you know, they really are awful cute! They tend to swarm the longer you draw the fight out, though. What started as two became nearly fifteen, because Suna and I had started out just observing their behavior. They seemed to just be wandering, but it became apparent fairly soon that they were doing the same thing we were:

Hunting.

We didn't delay killing them off after that. Suna took Soul Eater to them, and I went in with both arms covered in Dark Fire. They did go down easily, even though I was using their own element against them—I almost wished I was aligned with Light so my attacks would be more effective, but I was good with darkness.

And I was perfectly happy with the adrenaline rush, as well. It was a brand new sort of rush; something I didn't get with Suna because I knew that no matter who won our sparring contests, he wouldn't hurt me. The Heartless would, on the other hand. I was a little uncomfortable with how much I enjoyed fighting at first, because you should never enjoy your world being in danger, but then I realized that either Suna was enjoying himself just as much as I was, or he wouldn't say something because he didn't want to upset me.

Though, knowing him, it was the former.

And so we developed the habit of biting off a little more than what we could chew, and chewing the hell out of it anyway. Suna and I started taking home scratches that eventually graduated to deeper wounds left by the claws of the Heartless, and we were patched up by Zexion, and, if necessary, Vexen would help.

"_While we appreciate your eagerness to rid the world of danger, you could stand to be a little less negligent in your self-care._"

I never had a witty retort for his warnings. While I was comfortable joking with him on subjects that were less dire, I couldn't quite bring myself to brush him off when he was at his most serious.

"_I know,_" I would tell him, "_We'll be careful._" And we always were careful! Suna and I never went unprepared for a fight. But who knew how long this would last? It might not be enough, in the end.

So Zexion started teaching me magic. Actual magic, not Dark-based magic.

First and foremost was Cure. And then Fire, and Thunder, and Blizzard.

It was weird, casting them. It felt…wholesome. Different than using the darkness. Life-giving and defensive rather than something that's primarily a destructive power. I felt a little more balanced in fights after that. I also had an elemental advantage about the time more kinds of Heartless showed up.

_I_

Less than a week into what I was dubbing the Invasion (the capital I is important) I started to get a sinking feeling that we were fighting a losing battle. People were dropping left and right, losing their hearts and joining the ranks of the Heartless.

On day seven it was announced via almost every news station around the globe that yes, these were Heartless, just like in the video game, Kingdom Hearts. Square Enix wasn't expected to take responsibility, neither was Disney (how could this be their fault? This was more likely the fault of a rabid, experimenting fan. But how could something like this possibly be achieved with science alone?).

I withdrew my name for what was happening, and resubmitted "The Apocalypse."

I was a bit upset that nobody called my claim melodramatic.

I almost cried when Robert hugged me.

_I_

Axel was teaching Beth and Kody to fight effectively. Saïx had taken to directing TJ and his friend during their practice duels. Leah knew how to shoot a gun, and next time I met up with her she had a rifle that definitely hadn't been made with materials from Earth. Ly and Demyx checked in to make sure we were okay.

I heard Axel talking in low tones to Demyx, and I heard _ass in gear. _That's all I really needed to guess the context.

Demyx was more than capable of defending Ly—if he stopped cutting corners. He was a clever little shit, but a bit cowardly (it's an act, mostly).

Precisely twenty-one days into The Apocalypse, I asked Suna a favor.

"_Teach Tristan how to defend himself._"

My relationship with my younger nephew was strained. I loved him a lot, but our personalities clashed way too much. I could have dealt with the wavering between friend and aunt, but that's not something that kid needed to grow up with.

Suna accepted my request with mixed feelings that were pretty obvious. It meant he wouldn't be with me so often.

I still had to go out into the field and fight Heartless further from home. I'd figured out the Dark Corridors within two weeks.

I also figured out how to manipulate space with the darkness.

In other words, I could fly.


	22. Confrontation

And so I was, for the most part, on my own. That wasn't too much of a problem, really, in fact aside from having to do everything myself—wait. That was actually the plus; I didn't have to worry about anyone watching me in case I should screw something up. Fighting swarms alone posed a challenge, though.

_I_

"Bigger ones have started popping up," I told Leah while Zexion helped tend to a row of claw marks down my back.

"I know," she replied.

"There was a freaking Neoshadow today."

"Is that what left this, then?" Zexion questioned. I could tell his lip was curled by his tone of voice. Oh, shit, incoming 'talk' once Leah left.

It was kind of terrifying, considering I was laying shirtless and vulnerable with my back to him and couldn't give him a funny look to calm him down. We were in Zexion and Lexaeus' place, which was actually pretty cozy. And, currently, I was sprawled out across Zexion's bed so he could work on my back. It was a pretty nasty wound, or at least it had felt pretty awful before he'd started healing it. I'd kind of run myself low on magic early on that day and couldn't exactly fix it myself.

"Yeah, it was," I managed despite the tightness of my throat. "It caught me by surprise."

"I could tell," he chimed, voice alive with razor-sharp humor, "Even _your _masochism has its limits, after all. I hardly expected you to have purposefully allowed such a terrible would to be inflicted."

I didn't really know how to reply in a way that wasn't a pathetic attempt at being defensive. And I did _feel _defensive, but I didn't want to voice it.

"Leah, can you, uh…ollie out for a few minutes?"

"Sure thing." Her voice was tense and awkward, and I couldn't blame her. Watching friends fight was never fun.

Or at least, watching your friend fight with someone. I wasn't sure how well-acquainted she really was with everyone. I hoped she'd bonded well enough with the Organization members.

Once the door opened and closed, I felt safer, but awful. Like I'd done something really shitty. I felt bad enough for sending Leah out of the room, but I could feel the tension pouring off of Zexion like a fucking wave.

"I'm sorry," I told him as he resumed casting Cure over my back.

"Don't apologize to me," he sniped, "Apologize to your mother and your other loved ones."

In my distress, I failed to remind him that he qualified as a loved one, and even after I realized it, I didn't tell him because I was fairly certain he didn't want to hear it.

"Zexion, I haven't gotten myself killed yet, why do you have such little faith in me?"

"Because you have absolutely _no idea _what you're doing," he hissed out. "You're working on theory built around memories of playing a _game _as a character with abilities nothing like your own. In that _game, _you were never at risk of your own demise, so you did not act to avoid it." That wasn't true; I utterly despised Game Overs, and would always avoid them if I could. "You're acting with the same lack of caution now." He paused. "We're done."

He reclipped my bra, and I felt a small amount of relief when it no longer hurt the streak of skin that had been damaged by a Heartless's claw.

I pushed myself up, tugging my shirt down and smoothing the wrinkles from it to put off looking Zexion in the eye.

It had to happen eventually, though, so I did eventually look at him.

He looked very tired, and not angry. That hurt worse than seeing him mad at me.

"I am not looking forward to the day that we are forced to locate your Nobody. I fear it is inevitable, at the rate you're going."

I was actually without a quick response to that. It seemed like that kind of thing happened a lot with Zexion around. "…You could come with me, you know," I suggested, "I know you don't like doing the dirty work, but really you wouldn't _have _to; I'd take care of the Heartless and you could back me up and heal me when I'm hurt, and that way you could make sure I'd be alright."

He sighed, flicking his hair from his normally-hidden eye. It didn't last, with hair unruly as his.

"I'll think about it," he said. It felt dismissive, and so I took it as such. I got to my feet and grabbed my coat and left his room. Leah and I made small talk before we went our separate ways, both of us having had a long day.

_I_

Xemnas was waiting for me when I returned, at his usual place at the table. I took a seat across from him, landing heavily on the cushion.

"Lexaeus informed me of your injury," he told me.

"Zexion tended to it," I replied, "I'm fine now." I said nothing of the pain, since that was all taken care of.

He was shuffling through some paper—he'd been writing up documents on the progression of the Heartless' invasion.

"What inflicted it?" He, like Zexion, sounded tired. But unlike the younger Nobody, Xemnas…sounded tired simply because of me, while Zexion sounded tired because of everything happening in the world.

"A Neoshadow," I replied. "There were the little…bell-shaped, fire-shooting things around, too, so I was distracted." I had legitimately forgotten what they were called, and hoped Xemnas would toss me a line so the tension would be broken.

"Did you immediately retreat?"

"No." I'd wanted to, considering how much pain I was in. But I hadn't. "I defeated the group of Heartless before leaving for Zexion's place."

It was obvious that I'd said something wrong, but even as Xemnas dragged a hand through his hair and sighed, he bit out a soft, "Good."

Yeah, well, I thought I did pretty well, even injured.

I drummed my fingers on the table, idly waiting as he wrote—

"You're dismissed," he told me, voice evening out and his eyes on his pen strokes.

My fingers froze, and my heart lurched into my throat.

"_What?_" I replied, teeth snapping together at the end of the syllable.

The pen stopped, but he did not look at me. I had never been so frustrated with him.

Gritting my teeth, I stood abruptly; ready to shove my chair back against the table just to jostle the fuck out of him and ruin what he was writing.

But something tense in his posture brought a pang of pity to my heart, and I left about an inch between the chair and the table. "If you wanted to play Superior again, I wish you would have _told me,_" I explained, laying my justifications on the table as if I needed his approval. If he had informed me beforehand, I would have been alright with the strict formality.

As I figured it would, the accusation of _playing _caught his attention, and he _looked _at me, finally, brows drawing together until his expression was a mask of cold fury. It was both attractive and terrifying. The former, because I knew he wouldn't hurt me, and the latter because it looked like he wanted to.

I sucked in a breath through my nose, straightening my posture as I waited for his reply.

I didn't predict the way he disappeared in winding black-and-white, pen dropping onto the table with a clatter and dot-dot-lining on the paper during its journey.

A swish directly behind my froze my blood in my veins, and the large hand on my shoulder actually startled a noise out of me. And, flinching, expecting pain for whatever reason, my own hand flew to cover about two thirds of Xemnas's.

We disappeared together, vertigo twisting my stomach until we came to a stop, far too quickly to adjust.

Dizzy, I started to stagger forward, and maybe fall down on the ground and puke, but Xemnas caught me, steadied me, and held my arm until I could stand without swaying.

"I am not _playing,_" he informed me loudly, voice rolling over my ears as smoothly as ever. Even as stern as he sounded, his voice along with the sight before me was fairly relaxing and welcome.

Even if it ached, a little bit, seeing the football field my sister and I had grown up in after so much time going without it.

"I know," I whispered.

"Do you? _Really?_" Releasing my arm, the Nobody strode past me, an arm waving at his side before he'd even continued speaking. "The world you live in is being consumed by darkness, day by day the population dwindles, _you _repeatedly find yourself injured in your carelessness, and you accuse _me _of _playing?_"

He hadn't turned to face me wholly yet, but he'd turned his head, waiting.

"I told you _I know you weren't playing, _but for Pete's sake, man, you-" I hissed in a breath, letting it out slow as I could, trying to get my heart to slow down. "You can't just—you can't flipflop between…" I waved my hands frantically, until they found themselves in my hair, fisting tightly, "_You cannot go from being my friend to bossing me around and dismissing me, Xemnas._

"I know what's going on right now is really, really important, I _do! _And I get that keeping yourself…distanced, I guess, is important, especially if you're trying to get back into the swing of running things, but if you're going to do that, please, would you—would you talk to me, first, and tell me what's going on? You're busy, I know, but if you could talk to me, sometimes, like we used to, it'd he-elp."

I placed a hand over my mouth, forcing my breath in and out, in and out through my nose, trying my hand at stopping tears before they could come.

I closed my eyes and could hear Xemnas turning around, the fake grass crunching softly beneath his boots.

Shit, there it was, the breakdown that everyone kept expecting from me, in the form of a word-vomited excuse for being a brat.

"We're scattering like fucking _ants, _Xemnas, we're thinned out and alone trying to keep everything safe but it's still not enough, if-if you want me to stop going out and coming back needing to be patched up then, then maybe you should stop sitting back, let Beth do the organizing, her spelling's bad but she knows what's what and you could _help, _Xemnas, for god's sake-"

I couldn't tell where my words were going anymore so I shut up, gritting my teeth and waiting for the tears to slip from behind my eyelids.

When they did, finally, come, I opened my eyes and looked at the Nobody, who could perhaps contemplate my distress with visual evidence.

His lips were pressed together and he looked, overall, disapproving. Xemnas's expression softened moments later, and I was only slightly relieved.

"I'm sorry, I know I've been…off, lately, and what I said was uncalled for, but…at least tell me wha-at you've figured out," I croaked unhappily, "What all that data's added up to. I know you're stressed too, but no more secrets, Xemnas, I _hate_ them _so much_."

A flicker of confusion, and then, finally, a raised eyebrow is his response. "What in the _world_ has lead you to believe I'm keeping secrets from you?"

While a deadpan tone was difficult while emotional, the stuffy nose from crying helped a bit with the effect. "You like to tell me things, an' when you don't say anything, it makes me paranoid."

I was already submitting—_had _already submitted—in this argument because it was more than I bargained for, I was far too soft but a prolonged shouting match with this man wasn't something I wanted.

"So. What is it that you think I'm not telling you?"

I struggled with the attempt not to scowl, and he averted his eyes. "How should I know," I sighed, voice trembling, "when I'm not the one keeping secrets?"

"It's…" he shook his head, looking down to meet my eyes again, "All of it is inconclusive."

I shook my head and shrugged, exaggerating my confusion so I wouldn't have to verbally question him.

"The source is nowhere on this planet," he explained, voice steadier again, "and without leaving, there's no way to find what's causing wave after wave of Heartless to invade."

I pursed my lips, and then asked, cautiously, "And you haven't deemed it safe enough to…stay off-planet long enough?"

"I fear the remaining populace of the other worlds would not take as kindly to our presence as Earth has."

The silence after he'd said that felt heavy. Oppressive. Or maybe it was me finally realizing how cloudy it was, how it smelled like ozone and rain. An impending storm hanging over us.

"…Ah. Well, I could-"

"There are too many Heartless," he cut me off with a wave of his hand, tone firm but without the earlier harshness, "they'd be upon you in seconds. Anyone else with a heart runs the same risk."

An idea stirred, but I did not mention it, knowing that he'd only refuse to assist. "What about the other Nobodies? You, too, of course, I'm not forgetting about you, but, can't you control Heartless?"

The way he lowered his head and shook it sank my stomach and twisted it.

"Never so many. And the lesser Nobodies that come about from the people of Earth are…"

_Are, _I wanted to prompt him, but I refrained. Honestly, I was fascinated to hear about them—I honestly hadn't considered that there would be more Nobodies as an effect of humans losing their hearts in this world.

"Resistant to our commands. They do not sense our need or heed our call."

"And there are no new…higher-thinking Nobodies?"

"Not that we know of."

Wryly, I smiled and joked, "I don't suppose it would be morally correct to convert a hoard of crazed fangirls and send them in?"

Xemnas only raised an eyebrow, but I figured he knew I was joking when he replied, "Only a bit more or less so than guiding an Organization to create Kingdom Hearts at the cost of thousands of lives, I suppose."

I giggled, even though it was a horrible thing to laugh at.

I was just happy we weren't arguing anymore, and showed it by striding forward to hug him, turning my cheek against his solid, shirt-clad chest and wrapping my fingers around the opposite wrist behind his back. By the way his hands hovered in the air near me for a moment, he hadn't been expecting it.

One ridiculously large and warm hand settled across the dip of my ponytail, just beneath the hair tie, while the other settled at the middle of my back.

And for a short time, just a small span of seconds, my haunting fear of rejection left me, and I stopped worrying about my not-quite-platonic love ruining everything between me and him.

For a moment, everything was perfect.

For a perfect second, I was happy with what I had with him.

Lightning struck less than ten yards away, brought on by a Heartless that I believed was called a Yellow Opera, and the broken moment smoothly transitioned into battle. The wind was already picking up as I pivoted on my heel and faced the floating yellow Heartless, catching it in my sight just quickly to jump to the right, just as Xemnas jumped to the left, and we both avoided its next strike.

Even after Xemnas felled it easily with his ethereal blades, my cheek was still warm from contact with his skin, feeling chilly in the rapidly-cooling air.

"More are coming," Xemnas boomed, making sure I'd hear him even with his back facing mine, "make your call."

_He's letting me decide._

_Okay._

"Fight with me," I called over my shoulder, giddiness rising in my chest.

"I will." 

I'd never battled alongside Xemnas before.

I wasn't going to hold back _anything._


	23. Gathering

I'd forgotten what it sounded like when Xemnas was fighting. Being a mostly silent fighter, the sheer _roar _of the Nobody's voice when he was swinging his ethereal blades and cutting through swarms of Heartless like a hot pair of knives through butter was devastatingly distracting.

Not to mention, when I could make him out—he was, for the most part, a blur—I was further reminded that he was fucking _beautiful _when he was fighting in a way that my own stop-and-start movements could never compare to. I was finally getting to witness in person his fighting style and _how had I forgotten?_

I was going to tell him when we won, I had to tell him, or maybe I'd kiss him once we won.

I'd have to step up my game if that was going to happen any time soon. Heartless were swarming like ants, I could hardly take a step without stepping on one.

Though, they were doing most of the stepping on—but I could only stand being tackled for so long.

Breathing in sharply, I gathered my energy and released it from every pore, covering myself in blue-purple-black flames and launched myself into the air, coming down hard in the blackened crowd.

First, it hurt me.

And then, it hurt everything else as darkness erupted from my body and scattered the little fuckers I hadn't smashed.

I rolled, recovering sluggishly, and threw an arm up in a healing spell that made a flower bloom above my head. Strength spread through my body anew, and the aches lessened.

I leapt a few feet away, narrowly dodging a jumping Shadow (and I held my breath for just a moment, just to make sure I could still hear Xemnas, and I could). I cast a Fire spell on it, reducing it to a disappearing cloud of shadow and a floating heart.

Those were becoming a usual sight, and I felt mostly nothing about it. There was always this tiny little tug of dread, aching in my chest.

But I couldn't do anything but keep letting the hearts go into open air, in the hopes that they'd return to whoever they belonged to.

I wondered, though, if another Kingdom Hearts would be made, if enough fell to the Heartless, but I wasn't going to sit by and let it happen.

Rolling my shoulders and raising my arms as I spotted the next charging enemy, I bent my knees and awaited its leap, jumping and raising my hands to catch the Neoshadow's claws between my fingers.

I brought it to the ground, its meager weight nowhere near enough to take me down even with speed on its side, and after that it was a matter of tearing it in two by its arms.

_I_

"They're not letting up," I said no less than twenty minutes later, when my back bumped into something warm and solid that was undoubtedly Xemnas.

"I know," he told me.

"Why?"

"You're the first unfortunate soul with a heart to step into this area in quite a while."

Honesty. He wasn't exaggerating. It was pure, upfront honesty and it was the kind that made my stomach lurch and my head spin. Or maybe that was my exhaustion.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, swatting a stray heartless back with a small blast of dark energy.

"Everyone else is gone. They left, or became Heartless. I'm sure some of your friends are here right now."

Now that—that was stone cold, truthful or not.

And it was, indeed, truth, if we were going based on logic—all of these Heartless had to come from _someone, _but thinking that I might be killing my friends…

No. No, I couldn't worry about that. I couldn't let myself feel guilt over something I had no power to stop.

"Understood," I told the Nobody, for lack of anything else to say. I leapt back into the fray without another word, breaking the line that the Heartless had been hesitating to cross. I was immediately buried under a literal pile of them. Fighting my way out in little bursts of darkness, I rose to see the light of day again, but everything for me was clunky and awkward. They kept coming, washing into me like waves, knocking me down and they just kept _coming, _no matter how many times I heard their bodies burst and break down to puffs of black.

Hearts were an almost-constant in the sky, lifting above Xemnas and I, escaping safely into the void.

It went on, and on.

And on.

I wasn't growing too weak to throw them off as they lept onto me, but I was beginning to understand what hopelessness was like, again.

It'd been what felt like forever to me since I'd wanted to end my own life; since I'd been so weary that I'd just wanted to close my eyes and never open them again.

But against the sheer number of Heartless, and the way they just kept coming, I felt it again.

Hopelessness.

I wondered if Xemnas, too, could feel it. If it made his body reluctant to respond the way it did my own. I couldn't ask him, because if I tried speaking, I would probably break down and cry.

Would it hurt, I wondered, to be turned into a Heartless? Would I feel pain if I simply let it happen?

_Would it hurt anymore if I did it myself?_

A peculiar snapping sound drew my attention, and seconds later several shadows were launched into the air, shredded immediately be a whirlwind of petals.

Lightning struck, and more Heartless were destroyed.

I was too shocked to scream when vines tangled around my legs and my arms, lifting me above the swarm that had nearly been atop of me.

But I was not too shocked to watch, as Marluxia and Larxene were now within my view, both of them looking uncharacteristically serious as they fought.

Seeing that Xemnas and I had backup was refreshing enough for me to gather the strength I needed to break free of the Assassin's plants, and he seemed to notice the moment I did so, because his eyes turned to me just before I dropped out of view.

I tried for something original to say to him, but I didn't quite manage. I simply went with, "Nice of you two to join us!" And to my own ears I sounded tired and frustrated, rather than amused. Not to say I was about to start laughing at the situation, but I'd hoped to at least sound happy to see them. Which I would have been, had my emotions not already been swamped by exhaustion.

So I was simply, numbly, relieved.

"I'm sure you understand our need to keep our distance?"

Wow. I'd forgotten what Marluxia's voice sounded like. I hadn't touched any of the games in ages. It was deeper than I remembered. Deciding it wasn't a big deal, in the middle of an army of Heartless, I didn't comment on that.

"Yeah! Not for this long, though! You could've dropped in _months _ago-"

The curving end of a staff greeted me seconds later, vines tearing a pathway between swarms. I went silent, anticipating attack, but when I looked to Marluxia's face, I realized that he wasn't threatening me.

He was arming me.

I took the floral-looking weapon gratefully, a bit stunned.

"Xemnas likely would have armed you appropriately before now, had he known your weapon preference," he told me, expected smugness absent from his expression.

I didn't ask how he'd known.

I didn't have time to, even, because half a second later he was summoning his scythe, cutting through walls of Heartless at a time.

And I took an experimental swing with my new weapon, finding the weight and balance incredibly satisfactory as I struck an attacking Neoshadow.

Yes. _Yes._

That felt much better than wrestling with the Heartless, and having to wait for them to be in range of my hands and feet. With the staff in my hands, I was given a bit of range to keep them at bay with, and—well, this was the weapon type I was accustomed to, not hand-to-hand bullshit. I wasn't cut out for that.

Now I could continue fighting. _Properly. _Not just wildly grappling with my opponents.

I grinned viciously, invigorated by the better odds. Between Xemnas and I, along with Marluxia and Larxene, we actually stood a chance of depleting the number of Heartless.

With a weapon, I would no longer so often be caught under wave after wave of Heartless. I wouldn't need a hand to haul myself out and get back on my feet.

I should have just asked Xemnas ages before then for something proper to fight with, but I'd been _dumb. _It wasn't the dumbest move I'd pulled, ever, but it was foolish of me. I'd be embarrassed for ages over it.

I should have just asked, after seeing Leah with her shiny new gun, "Hey, why don't _I _get something fancy to fight with?" But I hadn't.

But now I was fighting with a weapon anyway, so worrying about it was twice as idiotic of me.

To clear my head of the thought, I shuffled closer to Xemnas through the scratching crowd, getting close as I could so that as I raised my staff above my head to cast Cure, the effects would reach him.

"You have my thanks," he said, orange-gold eyes turning to me briefly. He seemed only minutely surprised by the gesture—I wondered if he'd even needed healing, but I figured even if he hadn't been injured while I wasn't paying attention, he probably needed the refresher.

And a reminder that I cared.

I wondered if he even knew that I cared.

That was a worrisome thought—had I ever even told him, specifically, that I cared about his wellbeing? Surely it had been implied in many of my actions. And he knew a lot about emotions, so…

Fuck. Forget telling him I _loved _him after the battle, I would tell him I cared. That would be a start.

As I mulled over what I'd say, I'd returned to fighting. Easy as it was, it was still becoming tiresome. I was a lot stronger and healthier than I'd been in years, but the strain was still there.

It was okay, though—because the numbers were dwindling.

Slowly, surely, we were winning. Knowing that made the ache in my arms worth dealing with.

_I_

The last kill belonged to Larxene. Had we been playing a game, I would have been irritated, as I had my staff raised to strike the Red Rhapsody down already, but I only felt mildly frustrated with her as I lowered my weapon to only dirt.

Silence fell after that, and I felt self-conscious, because I was the only one whose breathing was labored.

Larxene, though—she fucking _yawned, _and halfway through she started saying, "That was _boring._"

I chuckled, breathy and dazed, and when I looked at her she winked. I couldn't tell if she was mocking me or just playing with me, but I didn't care either way. She and Marluxia had saved Xemnas and I a hell of a lot of time.

The four of us grew quiet again, standing close to each other but far enough to warrant slightly raised voices to be heard over the wind. Rather, I was practically huddled against Xemnas in my exhaustion, and he had a hand on my shoulder to keep me from wobbling, and Larxene and Marluxia stood just far away from us for us to need to be louder.

"Shall we let bygones be bygones, and consider ourselves allies?" Xemnas queried, and he sounded weary even if he did not look it.

"Something like that, yes," Marluxia confirmed.

"We were fine on our own for a while, but at this rate we're all dead unless we stick together." Larxene's voice was as high-pitched as I remember, but it had lost its grating tone.

I was glad for that, but at the same time it made something twist in my gut—she'd tamed down, obviously, and was considerably more…_human_ than she'd been in-game. That was a relief, I supposed, but it still felt wrong.

"Cool," I spoke up, coughing a bit, "thanks for the backup. We should head home, b'fore-"

Before more Heartless showed up.

But the ground was already shaking and groaning ominously, and pools of darkness were forming along the torn-up football field.

"Dammit," Marluxia cursed, and I watched, horrified, as large heads began to rise from the pits.

Darksides.

There were fucking _Darksides _on Earth now.

I didn't feel confident at all—but then, quietly, I reminded myself that I was with three powerful Nobodies.

But my companions were not the target of the giant humanoid Heartless currently working on surrounding us.

_I _was. They were all staring at me.

I stared at a raised hand, roughly the size of my torso, as it began to come down toward the lot of us.

"Ssshit."


	24. Darkness

I'd never really had a problem with Darksides. In game, they were big, strong, but predictable and easy to defeat.

When you're not playing an athletic fourteen-year-old, however, it's not quite the same. In fact, I was having a _damned hard time _with the two big fuckers that the others couldn't spare attention to defeat.

Remember what I'd said about being a silent fighter, before? I was apparently wrong—I was only quiet while fighting lesser enemies. As it was, with the Darksides, I was screaming with every near-hit as their hands flattened the ground just behind or next to me.

They weren't terribly intelligent, but at the same time there was no real rhythm or timing to their actions—I had to beat on their hands when the opportunity presented itself, and then I had to clear the fuck out before the other one could smash me.

It wasn't easy, but it worked, nerve-wracking as it was to narrowly avoid being crushed. Over, and over, and over.

Everyone else—well, the three Nobodies currently in the area with me—were faring better, if only from experience fighting these things. I wanted to see how they were doing it, for my own sake—maybe if I watched them take down a couple, I'd have a better idea of what to do.

But I couldn't risk taking my eyes off of the two nearest to me. I would be in deep shit if I stopped paying attention to them—they were out for blood (or rather my heart); this was _not_ a tutorial level. I'd rather liken it to a Boss. Maybe a mid-game boss.

We'd beat these, and move on.

But what would happen, then? Darksides weren't usual.

There would probably be more. There would always be more. Heartless would destroy humanity; consume our hearts, until there was nothing left. This wasn't a video game, this was real, and humanity was too arrogant to last.

It was kind of like a zombie apocalypse, but not as ugly. Instead of being after brains, these "zombies" were after hearts. Humans were possible even more weak to Heartless than they were to zombies. And God, I could understand. Already dread and despair were creeping in, wrapping their ugly tendrils around my heart like a noose around my neck.

I wanted to stand still under that hand coming down at me. I wanted desperately to just go to sleep and never wake up.

I stumbled a few feet to the side anyway, exhausted and burning legs buckling as the ground shook when the Darkside's hand struck the earth so close to my feet. I landed so hard my glasses flipped off of my face, and the wind was knocked out of me. I felt like I was screaming, but I heard no sound and I was too winded to do anything but gasp.

Gravity hugged me close to the ground, and vertigo pinned me. No matter how I elbowed at it or tried to shove my body from it, the Earth refused to let me up. I was nauseous, I felt like I wasn't in my own skin. I was _trapped, _being dragged down and—

I was literally sinking. I hadn't noticed it till a tendril—a literal tendril, not just a metaphorical one this time—wrapped around the wrist of my reaching hand, and I couldn't hold it up anymore. I turned my head and saw darkness pooled beneath me, felt the coolness of it against my cheek.

I shut my near-useless eyes to hide from the black blurs, and found that the realization of what was being done to me made me feel a bit less weak. Physically, at least—it wasn't that I couldn't move my own limbs, it was that I was being pulled down by a force stronger than all of humanity.

This was what Riku had let take him away. This was what Sora hadn't been able to fight free from. This was what Suna had sunk into at the end of his time, and he had come to me. The darkness had brought that wonderful, strong boy to my world and given him a second chance.

I wouldn't let it take _me _away from _him. _Not without a fight.

I bared my teeth, lurched upward away from it even if it was a futile effort. I snarled and clawed at the darkness, at myself, like an angry feral thing. No, no, I wouldn't let the darkness have my heart. The darkness was my driving force, I'd fucking _owned it; _I wouldn't be stabbed in the back like this by my own element.

This darkness was strange and wrong, though, it wasn't the darkness that was inside of me. The darkness inside of me didn't feel like the burn of anxiety and the chill of depression anymore, it felt like anger and strength and the will to fight and outlast. This was someone else's darkness. Everyone else's darkness. This was humanity, broken down and relentlessly cruel in its intentions to destroy. The deeper it pulled me, the closer I was to being submerged, the more I could feel and understand. There was so much _terror, _so much agony and anger. Emptiness, too, it all felt _empty, _unfulfilled and it sought to complete itself by dragging other hearts in.

I said a name, called for help, but I was hoarse and tired and so, so quiet. Like I always was. I would always be a quiet person. I hated raising my voice, even when I desperately wanted to be heard.

So I thought, instead, I thought of options, ideas, people that I cared about and people that I'd never met. I thought again of Suna, of his love and respect for me, two things I didn't know I was deserving of before he'd shown them to me. I thought of my mother, of my sister, and our strained but happy relationship, of the way I would always fight to protect them. I thought of Xemnas, who I thought I knew so well but he could still surprise me so easily. I thought of how happy he made me, of how pleased I was when he seemed proud of me.

I clutched at my aching, pounding heart through my coat, and thought of him happy. Of how I could _feel _when he was happy, and when he was sad or in distress. I thought of his smile and the softness of his hair, and the youthful look about him when he slept.

I thought of the heart he was still convinced he didn't have.

And I clawed into myself and pulled the fractured pieces of it from my body, and could barely stand to open my eyes to look at the light that surrounded them. I clutched them tightly in my fingers as I brought my heart close to my face, reveled in the warmth and energy buzzing from it. I knew, then, that the pieces would not fall apart if I let go, and I felt like smiling, even if I no longer had the physical energy to do so.

_There, _I thought with an air of finality as I let it go.

As I let myself go.

_There, you can have it. _

The darkness swallowed what was left of me when I closed my eyes, and I didn't mind because it had stopped hurting.

As my head went under, it felt like someone was holding my hand, and I felt loved.

_I_

Belatedly, I thought about Leah. She'd probably shake her head and tell everyone she always knew I was the self-sacrificing type, and the thought made me smile, but it felt hollow.

_I _felt hollow. And numb.

It was so dark where I was that I couldn't even see my hands when I pressed them toward my face close enough to bump my nose.

And I could not move from my place. I was stuck floating in the abyss, unable to gain any sort of traction. Or maybe I was drifting, and just couldn't tell. There was no wind.

There was nothing.

There might not even have been me.

_I_

I wondered how I would be remembered. Would they consider me a hero? I hadn't done anything useful, so no. Would they consider my death tragic? Yeah, and probably overdramatic.

But then again, I wasn't dead. If I was dead, I would be with my grandmother instead of all alone. There would be tons of family pets greeting me.

I wondered, was this part of God's plan? If there was a divine power? Was this what they wanted to happen, or was this a flaw in their design? A break in reality?

Had humanity brought this on themselves?

Had I?

Was this all my fault?

No, it wasn't. Of _course _not. My power was nothing compared to what had consumed me. If anyone had caused this, it was everyone. Not _just _me. How silly, how arrogant to think I was any more than a blip in the dark.

That's all I was. That's all I'd ever been, all I would amount to. All I _had_ amounted to. Just a tiny little fading blip of a light, and I'd blinked out of existence. But…I still did exist. Somewhere, I was something. Or I wouldn't be conscious. Or was I dreaming? Either way, I existed. _"I think, therefor I am,"_ or something.

And as it so happened, I couldn't _stop _thinking. I was thinking myself in circles.

All my past homes, all the friends I missed, all those conversations I'd ever had that went embarrassingly bad and what I should have said instead of what I did say.

All the conversations that never had, but should have.

I fantasized about having those conversations. I thought about Xemnas the most, of course, and any sort of reaction he could have to my love confession. But I also thought about greeting Zexion with a hug and telling him, "hey, man, you're one of my best friends." I thought about telling Xaldin that he was pretty fucking cool, and telling him how ridiculous I felt for thinking he was stalking me. I wanted to shake Marluxia and tell him, really, it was fine, he could have spoken to me from the start. Maybe Larxene would tell me why she seemed so settled.

My fantasies and wishes became less realistic as eternities passed me by; I went from wanting to finish what I started in bringing Xemnas out of his shell to wanting to stop the shell from happening in the first place.

Back when he still used the name Xehanort, when he still had Terra's baby face and those defensive, angry eyes, I thought I might be able to reach him. Maybe he just needed someone who understood. A guiding hand to keep him within sight of the light.

But I knew, deep down, that it would be easier to talk to Terra and teach him how to safely handle darkness, than it would be to talk Xehanort out of experimenting with…what was it, the Door to Darkness?

It had been so long, and I'd completely wasted all the opportunities to ask Xemnas about his research. I was willing to bet it would've been fascinating, if he could break it down from numbers into words for me. He would have, if I had asked.

Xemnas and I had a relationship. An awkward, tense friendship, but it was ours and he was the same person as he was before he lost his heart—the same memories and feelings—but he'd grown.

Terra, though, he was different. I didn't know Terra like I knew Xemnas. I wanted to know him. So sometimes I thought about talking to him, and ignored the guilt of stopping Xemnas from existing.

Terra's naïveté frustrated me almost as much as Sora's ignorance, but he was sweeter, more mature, so I thought we'd be able to understand each other. I could explain the darkness to him. I could save him from Master Xehanort.

Of course, I knew it was too late now. And I just wanted to hug him, mostly.

I wanted to hug a lot of people.

I'd settle for a hug from anyone.

_I_

Sometimes, I would sing. I wasn't fantastic, and I might not even have actually been singing. I might have been thinking the songs. Getting them out into the air was better than trying not to let them get stuck in my head.

It didn't occupy me for that long. There was nothing to really occupy myself with, so I just thought some more when I forgot the words or otherwise gave up my singing.

I thought a lot, for a long time.

My fantasies became depressingly ordinary things, instead of extraordinary, exciting things. I started to think about going home and hugging mom, my sister, of curling up in bed for a nap. Petting dogs and playing with cats. The sounds of the parakeets chirping.

Sunshine, trees.

Solid ground beneath my feet.

Food.

Anything.

Anything, anything, anything but the endless dark space I was trapped in.


End file.
